Episode Credits. Episode Cast

Transcription

1 Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 5 Herbert West, Prince of Denmark 1 Episode Credits Written by Jim McDoniel. Directed by Jeffrey Gardner. Sound Design by Ryan Schile. Music by Stephen Poon. Illustration by Raya Wolfsun. Episode Cast Narrator Ansel Burch Dr. Herbert West Ryan Schile Andrew Snidge Frank Sjodin Dr. Herbert West Sr. Ryan Schile Conjoined Cat/Dog Charlie the Cat Lil Herbie s teacher Ryan Schile TIME MARKER 00:00 SFX: A record needle is placed on a record, the scratch giving way to the opening theme of the True Historical Dramas. NARRATOR Tonight's broadcast is brought to you by the company you depend upon for all of your greatest needs, HartLife. These stories are true dramatizations from our fair city's glorious history. So listen and remember: HartLife, all the life you'll ever need. SFX:An eerie, echoing series of drips in a long, empty tunnel.

2 Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 5 Herbert West, Prince of Denmark 2 NARRATOR Deep beneath the rising beacon of the Hartlife building, in the darkest recesses of the darkest tunnels one finds the hideouts, lairs, and dens of residents with more nefarious purposes. Amongst the entrances to these dank nooks and decrepit holes in the wall, one stands out. Perhaps this is because its occupant has removed every single piece of surveillance equipment. Perhaps it is because its door is a solid piece of wrought iron with a large knocker held within the image of a human's dead, gaping mouth. More likely, it is because the person who lives there put out a lovely little welcome mat with flowers on it. SFX:A clanking, ominous knocking, followed by a door grinding open. SFX: The Sparking of lab equipment and bubbling of beakers Upon entering this particular domicile, after wiping our feet, we find Doctor Herbert West, deep in thought after his fruitless meeting with Doctor Caligari. He turns to his lab table, and speaks. Thank you. Thank you. Ladies. Gentlemen. Parts and combinations thereof. What can I say? Am I surprised? How can one be surprised by something he has experienced over and over again. Disappointed? I had hoped this time would be different, had hoped this place, like few others, would be filled with open minded people, dedicated to the free exploration of science who were not...well...really quite mean. TIME MARKER 02:18 Is it fate that I am so hounded? Is it my destiny to be constantly faced with the adverse and ignorant? What could I have possibly done in my perversion

3 Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 5 Herbert West, Prince of Denmark 3 of the laws of nature to be cursed as I am? If it weren't for my firm scientific certainty that these are merely a series of random unrelated coincidences, I would wonder such things. Then again, if I did not face such resistance, would I still be me? What if my parents had never grounded me for incorporating the dog and the cat? SFX:A xylophone cascade, sending us back into memory. The yowling of a newly incorporated cat/dog. DR HERBERT WEST SR Herbert Humilicus West, what have you done this time?! DR WEST What if I hadn't been expelled from my first city after my amorphous blob creation consumed my entire fourth grade? SFX:Another xylophone cascade, this time with screaming children. TEACHER Run kids! Run! Save yourselves! DR WEST What if I didn't do everything humanly and somewhat inhumanly possible to give my patients a new lease on...oh let's call it life? Oh certainly, there have been some setbacks, bumps on the road. The cat and dog never really got along. A patient or two may have reverted into hulking preternatural forms that absorbed those they touched. And Albuquerque... TIME MARKER 03:56 But that is science. There are no guarantees. No certainty. It is trial and error. Informed guesswork. If you aren t constantly in danger of obliterating everything you know, you aren t really doing science.

4 Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 5 Herbert West, Prince of Denmark 4 And the one person, the ONE person I meet in this city who I think might understand...is rude. Genius is no excuse to be unmannered. Gentle invitations. Please and thank you. Sharing. Especially sharing. I mastered sharing when I was three. Mr. West, did you bring enough conjoined dog/cat for the entire class? No, but with a little improvised surgery, there could be plenty to go around. But no! SFX: Pounding the table. She s just like everyone else in this place. She has to threaten and plan and be master of all, as if such a thing were possible. Facing her problems by killing them, without class or finesse. She may as well be wearing a lab coat and injecting people with rat flu. There is, of course, another way. A way to demonstrate the futility of trying to conquer the natural world and reveal to her the glory and unending explorations that is true science. A way she herself, in her arrogance, unintentionally provided for in the form of this containment tube. SFX: The humming glow of the Containment tube. A failure that shall lead her to further discoveries. How very scientific. This is why I have brought you all here, parts of ladies and gentlemen. Today, I am going to need one of you to help me push the frontiers of science once more. The decision has been a difficult one. I just want to say that you were all really great and I wish I could reanimate each and every one of you. Unfortunately, I just don t have enough containment tubes containing the spark of life to do that at this time. For now, only one of you will do, and that one is TIME MARKER 06:18 SFX: Drum roll.

5 Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 5 Herbert West, Prince of Denmark 5 Thank you, Andrew. The lucky reanimatee is...jane Doe Number Seven Five three. Oh come now. Don t be like that. Giver her a hand. SFX: Rim shot. Thank you, Andrew. Now my dear, say goodbye to your friends and join me in the wonderful world where life becomes death and death becomes...not death. I didn t really think that line through. I ll work on that. Anyway, up you go. SFX: Footsteps. SFX: Thump on metal table. Here we are. The place where the magic happens. But not really. Magic was really a metaphor for science, because the science I am about to perform is so advanced, to the untrained eye it might appear to be magic. But it s not. It s science. Magic doesn t exist. I ramble when I get excited, I hope you don t mind. It s a fairly simple three step process. This first part involves the reanimation elixir: cocktail of chemicals designed to stimulate your medulla which will be injected into your hindbrain. SFX: Pouring and steaming of chemicals. Now, I am sure you would like to know the contents of the reanimation elixir. And well you should. Always know what is going into your body. You have that right. Remember that. Sadly, you wouldn t understand it. And not just because you are dead. Many of the chemicals are my own design, made from the rarest elements and objects one can find. My own secret recipe if you will. We ll just open up the tube. TIME MARKER 08:03 SFX: Buttons. SFX: Warning sirens. SFX: Hissing and releasing.

6 Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 5 Herbert West, Prince of Denmark 6 And add this to the mixture. SFX: Egg cracking. SFX: Gloop. Stir briskly for five seconds. SFX: Stirring. Voila! You have an elixir the dead will rise for. We just load it all into the syringe. If you have a problem with needles it may be best to look away. On the count of three. Ready? One. Two. I m just kidding. It s already done. See? That wasn t so bad, now was it? Here, have a sucker. Once you ve marinated a bit we ll irradiate your brain to ionize the formula then use an electric shock to catalyze the biochemical reaction until it cascades into brain function. Andrew? (Throaty.) Yes Master. I mean, yes master. SFX: Clears throat. And how many times must I tell you? Science is egalitarian. There are no masters. Please, call me Herbert. That really doesn t feel right to me. Can I just call you Dr. West instead? If you must. Andrew, please prepare the irradiation chamber. The uh...the what? The irradiation chamber. The one I asked you to "borrow" from Emily's lab. It was on the list.

7 Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 5 Herbert West, Prince of Denmark 7 Yeah. About that. I sort of lost the list. You lost it? I dropped it. You dropped it? While running away. Running away. What on earth from? Dr. Caligari. I was doing just like you said. Gathering up all the equipment on the list. Then, I heard the doctor coming out of her paralysis! Dr. Caligari was staggering towards me, moaning and wailing like she wanted to... TIME MARKER 10:01 Don t tell me. Eat your brains? Use the bathroom. Ah, yes. A woman does have her priorities. Well, there's no avoiding it then. We'll have to go back. But won t she...

8 Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 5 Herbert West, Prince of Denmark 8 WEST Mind? Certainly. Try to kill us. Undoubtedly. But we do need that equipment. Radioactive material does not grow on radioactive trees after all. With luck, she'll have stepped out for the evening and we can work unhindered. If not, well, bring some rope. Come along Andrew. If you would take up Ms. Doe Seven Five Three. She mustn t be late. After all, this is her life. SFX: Door opening. SFX: Footsteps fading off into the distance. Er...um...come along...ms Doe...er... (Calling out.) Dr. West, I don t like talking to dead people. You must get used to it. Alright. Come here. (In the distance.) SFX: Footsteps. Dr. West wait up. You know, she looks awfully familiar. NARRATOR And so, the intrepid Dr. West and the far less intrepid Andrew Snidge make their way toward the lair of the sinister and mysterious Dr. Caligari. What will they find there? Will they succeed in their task? Why does Jane Doe Seven Five Three seem so familiar? These questions will be answered next week in SHE S ALIVE.