Episode Credits. Written by Jim McDoniel. Directed by Jeffrey Gardner. Sound Design by Ryan. Episode Cast

Transcription

1 Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 7 Matters of the Hart 1 Episode Credits Written by Jim McDoniel. Directed by Jeffrey Gardner. Sound Design by Ryan Schile. Music by Stephen Poon. Illustration by Robin Billadeau. Episode Cast Narrator Ansel Burch Clay Tyler Samples Sandy Abby Doud Loamy Lisa Burton Simon Mark Soloff The Voice of HartLife Jeffrey Gardner TIME MARKER 00:00 SFX: A record needle is placed on a record, the scratch giving way to the opening theme of the True Historical Dramas. NARRATOR Tonight's broadcast is brought to you by the company you depend upon for all of your greatest needs, HartLife. These stories are true dramatizations

2 Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 7 Matters of the Hart 2 from our fair city's glorious history. So listen and remember: HartLife, all the life you'll ever need. NARRATOR Many are the opportunities in Our Fair City. The careers are varied and exciting. From the lightning riggers who brave terrible storms high above to the PWCs who dwell in the bowels, no pun intended. All along the way, the company is there for you. Ready, to guide, provide,and train. No subject is too small that the company isn't prepared to give its recommendation. Training vids are available to teach and instruct on every conceivable subject or scenario a policy may encounter. All except one. It is perhaps the greatest irony that the affairs of Hartlife do not include affairs of the heart. In that, says the company, you are on your own. (SFX: Mole Footsteps, through an echoing tunnel.) This really is awfully kind of you Sandy. No problem. I don't normally have any help when I go on about my duties. Is that right? Normally, everyone divies up assignments and breaks into pairs or groups or teams or...did you know that a group of us is called a labor? No, I didn't.

3 Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 7 Matters of the Hart 3 I find that...comforting. Anyway, I'm usually left to my own devices. Picking up odd jobs nobody wants. Filling in. Doing favors. All by me lonesome If you'd rather be alone, I... No, no, no. That's not what I'm saying. It's fine you're here. It's great in fact. People usually give me all kinds of looks. Then again, I tend to sing ol' dirt shanties when I'm alone so, I can understand. Dirt shanties are a part of our heritage. We have to embrace these traditions or we'll lose them. So, Loamy, what exactly are we doing all the way up here? Being above ground isn't exactly in a moles normal range of duties? Like I said, I do all kinds of odd jobs. Delivering packages, digging private wells. Once I was asked to stick my claw in a hole for two days while they resealed the water reservoir. Had to go the whole time too. This is an easy one though. All we have to do is load up a truck. Okay, well what are we filling it with? Rocks? Dirt? Putrescible waste? People. So we re helping with a people mover? SFX: An alarm begins to sound Not exactly VOICE OF HARTLIFE Warning. Environmental Protection Doors Opening.

4 Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 7 Matters of the Hart 4 Ah. Here we are. SFX: Massive doors begin to grind open. VOICE OF HARTLIFE Please stand back. This is not an approved exit. Please stand back. Do not exit the loading bay. Please stand back. You will be stranded outside, to die. Please stand back. Remember, the outside is dark, and full of wolves. Please stand back. SFX: A roar of engines and wheels, as Simon s Dead Disposal Rig drives into the Loading Bay. TIME MARKER 03:18 That s the truck? VOICE OF HARTLIFE Environmental Protection Doors now closing. SFX:The doors grind closed again. Not a lot of room to fit people on it. Well, it sort of depends...how you...pack them. You know, maybe this wasn t such a great idea after all. You should probably wait over... What s that pile behind it? Those would be the... Oh God.

5 Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 7 Matters of the Hart 5 SFX: Vomiting. People. SFX: More vomiting. Yeah. Probably should have mentioned this is a dead disposal run. Loamy. SFX: The truck door opens Hello, Mr. Simon. How are you doing today, sir? Be sure to tie them down good and tight. Don t want them falling off the back? Don t want them sneaking up behind me. (Laughing.) Sneaking up behind you? That s a good one sir. Yeah. Good one. I m going to get some coffee. Tie them down. Good and tight. SFX: Footsteps walking away. How are you doing there? Can I get you anything? Hanky? Water?

6 Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 7 Matters of the Hart 6 I m...i m good now. So those are...? Dead people. Yes. You could have warned me. Sorry, I plum forgot. Like I said, it s usually just me loading up the bodies. Can you not call them that? Not call them bodies? Can you call them something else? Like cargo or resources. Alright then, Do you want to get the legs or the head of the "cargo." SFX: More vomiting Right, I ll take the head. Ready? Up we go and... SFX: A heave of exertion, followed by a big thump. Onto the truck. Just like that. Wasn t so bad. And only ten more to go. (Breathing and gulping.) (SFX: Gagging.)

7 Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 7 Matters of the Hart 7 Sorry. Can we not talk about what we re doing while we do this? Well what should we talk about then? Doesn t matter. Anything else. Alright then. () Sooo...you usually work with Clay, don t you? I don t want to talk about it. Fine. I m easy. Hand me the blonde, will you? Yes, I used to work with Clay. Oh, you two don t work together anymore. Nope.

8 Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 7 Matters of the Hart 8 Because you two always seem to end up together. I hadn t noticed. Almost exclusively. Allons y! You don t say. It was almost as though there was a little something going on there. If you know what I mean. TIME MARKER 06:00 In a sort of romantical way. SFX: Thump Up we go! Even if that were the case, which it definitely, completely never was. Whatever could have hypothetically been going on would be over now. Completely...just over. Oh.

9 Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 7 Matters of the Hart 9 Why? He s just so selfish. He doesn t respect any opinion other than his own. I mean, he s so smart and clever and...cute, but, BUT he s not nearly as smart and clever as he thinks he is. Or cute? Or cute. He always has to be right. Never admits when he s wrong. You offer him an alternative opinion that, yes, okay, is a bit out there, but then he just laughs in your face. What did he laugh at? Oh you know...just...things. One! Two! Three! Oh come now, you can tell me. It s just Loamy. Okay, well, let s see. For example, the other day we were called in to a clean up and there was a person s body lying on the floor. How gruesome. SFX: Thump, with a little extra splat.

10 Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 7 Matters of the Hart 10 I told him we needed to tell someone quickly because...because if we didn t there are people who come and take the bodies so they can raise the dead into mindless, ravenous slaves, called the woken. And Clay laughed and said it was stupid and that they don t exist. But they do exist. And then I was telling him about time travelers and...wait how do you know they exist? Mr. Simon told me. Hey, Mr. Simon. Yeah. Sandy believes in the woken. SFX: Footsteps as Simon approaches. Well, why wouldn t you? It s like saying I believe in ceilings. Yeah, but my friend, he says it s stupid. Well, we ll see who s stupid. When all of a sudden a horde of the woken dead arise and are moving toward him. When he tries to help what look like poor sickly people, because the woken can t possibly exist. When his disbelief and lack of foresight results in him being rent limb from limb by bare hands and teeth while still alive. Then, and only then we shall see who is stupid indeed. SFX: Sipping sound.

11 Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 7 Matters of the Hart 11 Mmmm...chai. Well, speak of the devil. There s Clay over there. On no. He hasn't seen us, has he? HEY! Clay! Over here. It s me! It s Loamy! Sandy s here too. See? Oh sorry, Sandy did you say something? SFX: Footsteps as Clay approaches. Never mind. Hello, Clay. How are you? Hello Loamy. Um...sir. TIME MARKER 09:02 Mole. Hey Sandy. Loamy is there a breeze somewhere. I thought I heard something. No, no breeze. That was Clay trying to talk to you. Sandy s not talking to you Clay. She s still mad at you for laughing at her and calling her stupid

12 Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 7 Matters of the Hart 12 and all that. It s why I expect she s pretending that you are a breeze. Thanks Loamy. I got that. Hey Loamy, why don t you help me tie these things down? Right ho, Mr. Simon. SFX: Footsteps as Loamy and Simon retreat to the truck. Look, Sandy. I m sorry. (Silence.) Really. I m sorry. I lost my temper and some things were said. Sow. That. Yes. And look, I m just really, really sorry. I don t what else to say except that...i m sorry. Loamy. Yes Sandy. Are we done here? SFX: Truck bed closing.

13 Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 7 Matters of the Hart 13 All loaded up and ready to go. TIME MARKER 10:01 Well then, if you don t mind, I will leave. This WIND has made me awfully cold. SFX: Footsteps. Sandy... Again, when she says wind, she is actually talking about you. I really screwed up Loamy. I m sure it s not so bad. I called her a sow. Okay, so it's pretty bad then. Look on the bright side though, plenty of other worms in the dirt. None like her though. Well, you know what you need to do then?

14 Our Fair City Season Two/Episode 7 Matters of the Hart 14 What? What can I do? I ll do anything. Well, it seems to me there is only one mole who knows enough to help you. Who s been everywhere and seen everything here in the city. Who s just plum been around long enough to have learned the answers to life s tough questions. SFX: In the distance, we hear the sounds of the Environmental doors opening again. You don t mean...? Clay, you need to talk to Ol Silty. NARRATOR Could it be that the savior Clay needs is the source of the very stories that got him into this mess? How will he ever earn the forgiveness of his Mole ady Fair? Will Peat be the Mole to win the claw of Sandy, whom Clay loves so dearly if...not so well. Could anyone be in a worse place emotionally? Find out next time in A Night on the Town.