A Marriage. CArol. Chris FAbry & GAry ChApMAn

Transcription

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2 A Marriage CArol Chri FAbry & GAry ChApMAn

3 2011 by Chri Fabry and Gary Chapman All right reerved. No part of thi book may be reproduced in any form without permiion in writing from the publiher, except in the cae of brief quotation embodied in critical article or review. [CIP data to come] Edited by Elizabeth Cody Newenhuye Cover deign: Deign by Julia Interior deign: Smartt Guy deign ARC We hope you enjoy thi book from Moody Publiher. Our goal i to provide high-quality, thought-provoking book and product that connect truth to your real need and challenge. For more information on other book and product written and produced from a biblical perpective, go to com or write to: Moody Publiher 820 N. LaSalle Boulevard Chicago, IL Printed in the United State of America

4 e prelude e I know what you will ay. You married the wrong peron. I know becaue it i what I aid. But that wa before the winter of our dicontent and the plan we made that Chritma Eve. That wa before the now. The now taught me omething. It alway teache if you will let it. I learned it i a dangerou thing to have your eye opened. It i dangerou to ee. It i dangerou to love. If we had imply liked each other o long ago, if we had only been earching for happine, thing would be eaier. When you are concerned only about feeling better you can move on, pick up your luggage, tep off

5 A Marriage Carol the train, and keep looking. But love make you vulnerable to the cold. Love beckon you outide in a nowtorm, in a haking, wobbling globe where there i no control, where you tand naked in bitter wind earching for what ha been covered. You cannot plan for love. You cannot chooe againt it once it ha come. True love doen t end once another tep away. You may forake a peron, a family, ome location of the heart, but car and memorie cannot be dicarded like ued clothing. Love, if it i real, cannot be abandoned becaue it doe not come from yourelf, but from an uneen pring. That Source provide nourihment and moiture for the oul. Of coure you could ay that you never poeed true love. It wa wrong at the tart. Or that love ha frozen over time. Even if love i rock-hard, it cannot be killed, the water cannot be held back. Love will alway find it own way, even if the droplet have turned to ice. Here what I know. Our live are bound by our choice, and our choice are like nowflake that pile around u until the warmth we felt inide grow dormant, wither, and die. Then we are left to ourelve and the conequence. The heart i drawn to the warmth of

6 Prelude pring and un and life. With love, we move purpoefully and intuitively. Without it we tumble, blindly earching for the narrow path. I will tell you what happened. Though painful, I will how you the truth. I pray you will liten. I pray you will open up ome mall part of you, a liver of that good heart, a glimmer of your eye, omething in your gut that i telling you thi i the way, thi i the path through the drifting and piling in your life. There mut be ome part of you that believe in miracle; that death, though it feel like it, i not the end. That what ha been ealed in a tomb might rie once again. I ued to dream of love a if it were a memory. I ued to touch the mirror and wipe away team to ee my reflection, clouded and blurry. I longed for a clear vita of life. That i what I wa given. What I aw in myelf wa an arid, deert wateland. There i no barren place on earth that love cannot grow a garden. Not even your heart.

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8 { tanza 1: } When do we tell the children? He aid it without feeling, without emotion, without giving weight to the word. He aid it a though he wa aking the latet tock price for Microoft or Google. Thee were hi firt word after nearly twenty minute in the car together. On our anniverary. After Chritma, I aid, matching hi evenne, hi coldne. Not tonight or tomorrow. Don t you think they know by now? At leat that omething up? e The hortcut e Not David, he too young. Jutin ak quetion and jut look at me with thoe doe eye, but he keep it in. Becca i the one I worry about.

9 A Marriage Carol Kid are reilient. If they don t know, they ll undertand. It for the bet. For all of u. I hope he right. Now they ll have two Chritmae, he aid. The windhield wiper beat their own rhythm a wet now fell like rain. The landcape had retreated under the white covering, adding to a previou nowfall that hadn t fully melted. The roadway, where you could ee it, hone black with treachery from the moiture and falling temperature. Car inched along ahead of u on an incline a Jacob drove fater, crowding the car in front of u, looking for a chance to pa. Are you ure he ll be at hi office? I aid, looking out the window, bracing for impact. In thi weather? On Chritma Eve? He till there. I called before we left. The paper are ready. Doe he have a family? I aid. What? He aid it with a healthy doe of condecenion, and added a look I couldn t tand. The look I could live the ret of my life without eeing. Doe he have a family. A wife? Kid? I have no idea. More condecenion. I didn t know

10 The Shortcut that wa a prerequiite for you. It not. I wa jut wondering. Working on Chritma Eve. No wonder he a divorce lawyer. So much for a congenial dicuion. The ilence wa getting to him now and he flipped on a talk tation. I wa urpried he hadn t done that earlier. The clock howed 3:18 and a delayed Ruh Limbaugh wa going into a break. A commercial about an adjutable bed. Local traffic and the forecat. Snarled interection and cold weather reporting. Expect an even whiter Chritma. Several inche whiter. Maybe more. A cold front moving in and more precipitation at higher elevation. Can we liten to omething ele? I aid. He uppreed a huff and preed the FM button. Thi wa hi car o nothing on the FM dial wa pre-et. He hit can. like. He frowned. Punch it when you hear omething you I paed on Gene Autry and Rudolph. The ong brought an ache for the children. Epecially David who till believed in Santa and reindeer. At the next tation, Joe Feliciano wa down to hi lat Feliz Navidad. On the left ide of the dial, the local Chritian tation played yet

11 A Marriage Carol another verion of Silent Night. I couldn t tay there becaue of the guilt of what we were doing. Paul McCartney aid the mood wa right and the pirit wa up and he wa imply having a wonderful Chritmatime. I wihed I could ay the ame. The band Journey ang Don t Stop Believin, but I had topped long ago, at leat concerning our marriage. Thi wa not how we planned it twenty year ago, though the nowtorm felt imilar. Twenty Chritma Eve after I walked the aile in a dre my mother and I had picked out, I wa wearing jean and an old t-hirt, an overcoat, walking down the lippery road in neaker to a no-fault divorce. Three children and the bird would live with me (a dog made too much me and Jacob i allergic to cat) and he would move into an apartment after the New Year. Jacob promied to tay involved. There wan t another woman, a far a I knew, a far a he would let on. That wan t our problem. The problem were much deeper than infidelity. I hit the button on inger Imogen Heap. Nothing at all about Chritma. Jut quirky muic and a yntheized voice that took my mind off the preent, which i uppoed to be a gift, I know. I ve heard that.

12 The Shortcut I m done with thi road, Jacob aid. I m taking the hortcut. Over the hill? In thi weather? Two interrogative to hi one tatement of fact. It ll cut the travel in half. Nobody take County Line anymore. Don t you think we hould tay where they ve plowed? He ignored my entreaty and turned left harply. The rear of the car lid to the right. I grabbed the door handle intinctively a he corrected. He gave the Jacob head hake, and with hake you get eye roll and a igh on the ide. Trut me for once, will you? he aid. I wanted to bring up a million little way I ve tried to trut him. A million little way I ve been let down. For twenty year I ve earched for reaon to place my trut quarely on hi houlder. But how do you trut omeone who ha failed at the life you wanted? There were flahe of caring, a dozen roe to ay I m orry, but the roe wilted and died. And then we tarted on thi direction, him on the Intertate and me on the Frontage Road, eparate but till traveling in a emblance of the

13 A Marriage Carol ame direction. Two moon orbiting the ame planet, rarely interecting. I don t want the kid going to our funeral, I muttered. He lammed on the brake and I yelped a we went into another lide. Paive aggreive driving i hi pecialty. Fine, I ll turn around. Both hand to my head, tear welling, I hit the power button on the radio and heard myelf ay, No, jut keep going. # County Line Road ued to be one of my favorite drive. In ummer when the hill were in full bloom and Becca wa little, I would take the hortcut over the mountain to how her how other people lived, not jammed into houe o cloe you couldn t breathe, but on long, flowering acre with roaming cow, hore enjoying freh pature, and people living le like hamter on wheel and more cloe to the earth. A a child I dreamed of living on a hore farm, riding them every day, cleaning tall, feeding them oat and apple. But thoe dream died a low death, four hoove ticking out of the frozen now, along

14 The Shortcut with the dream about a happy family, a good marriage, fulfillment, purpoe, and a life-long love. Jacob flicked on the radio a we acended, obviouly diturbed by ilence again. Santa ighting by the chief meteorologit gave way to a nine-car pileup and a hutdown on the Intertate. Told you it wa mart to take County Line, he aid. I wouldn t call it mug. Jacob wan t capable of mug. He wa more a river of indifference. Perhap that wa it. He wa the river, I wa the highway. The paion wa gone. Wa it ever there? It hard to remember a fire when the ember are covered with now. Ye, it exited at one point, but then o did dinoaur. We had been advied that it wa better for u to decide on the ditribution of our aet, the houe, the car, and the kid, before we went to court. The attorney would repreent me, ince he couldn t repreent u both, but we had amicably decided the allocation of everything down to the bird and our cellphone becaue aid lawyer told u once the court got involved in deciding who get the wagon-wheel coffee table and what viitation right will be, thing go outh quickly and the children are the one who uffer.

15 A Marriage Carol Don t give control of the future of your family to a judge, the lawyer aid in our lat conult. A judge doen t want to be the parent. He or he want you to work out a plan that bet for the kid. Do thi now and you won t have to go through that pain in a courtroom. You don t want a judge chooing who get how much time with the kid. We were doing what wa bet. We were being grownup, trying to aborb the pain of our choice and the change that had made u uch different people. We were paring our offpring more pain, blocking acce to the horror how that wa our marriage. We were mile apart at the ame dinner table, in a bitter relational chill, kating on precariouly thin ice. And thi wa our effort to do the reponible thing; pull the family off before the urface cracked beneath u. We were alo aving Jacob a ton of money, which i what he really cared about. If he could have purchaed a divorce at Walmart, he would have. And he would have ued a coupon. Remind you of anything? Jacob aid, hi voice napping me back to reality. The commercial? No, the now. Remind you of anything in the pat?

16 The Shortcut Jut like our honeymoon, I aid indifferently. You didn t trut my driving then, either. I wan t worried about your driving. What that uppoed to mean? Heavy igh. Nothing. I wa cared that night. Scared? Of me? Scared about what we had jut done. That it wouldn t lat. That I wouldn t be the wife you wanted. Or that I wouldn t be the man you wanted. Gue thoe fear turned into reality, he aid, ticking the fork in the overdone turkey. Yeah. It jut took longer than I expected. I poke taring out the window at the early December darkne. Cloud blocked the un and hung over u like pecter, pilling wet tear from heaven portal. Higher we climbed, into the unincorporated, untarnihed mountainide. Long tretche of pature and wood tared back at me. He hook hi head and dipped the volume on the radio only a little. If it make any difference, I m orry it turned out thi way. Out of the blue, it almot ounded incere. I turned and found him looking at me. We were children when

17 A Marriage Carol we were married, which wa part of the problem. I do, had turned into famou lat word. Hi hair, once thick and buoyant, had grayed and receded in a forced march by the unrelenting takmater of time. He had refued to wear contact, preferring the ame tyle of glae that had gone out of fahion and returned like my favorite pump. Crow feet around hi eye, and roy, youthful cheek had turned puffy and wan. An objective viewer would ay he wa till handome in ome cherubic way. But I am not an objective viewer. Not that hi light weight gain made any difference to me. I alway thought he wa handome. Your iter called before we left, he aid, witching the ubject during my pregnant paue. I told her you d get back with her. My iter. The Chritian mother. Loving, kind, a weetne you could make a Blizzard with at Dairy Queen. And yet, unapproachable. A much a he aid he did, he couldn t undertand our problem. And wouldn t you know it, he had to confide in our parent and let them know our marriage wa on haky ground. He tared at me, but I couldn t look him in the eye. I ll call her after we ign the paper.

18 The Shortcut Hi eye were too much. Too blue. Nearly opaque. That wa the firt thing I remembered about him. Thoe eye almot penetrating the oul, it eemed. When I looked up we were nearing a curve, and through the haze and blowing now I noticed two headlight bearing down on u like our oncoming future. I couldn t cream, couldn t peak, jut threw out a hand and pointed. Intinct. Hi foot to the pedal. Steering wheel one way, then the other. Fihtailing. A truck air horn. Jacob reached out for me. Spinning. Weightle. Out of control. A now globe haken and dropped.

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20 { tanza 2:} I awoke, cold and alone, the key till waying in the ignition. Acrid moke filled the car the air bag had deployed and were now limp oldier. The windhield wa mahed and the window around me were frot covered. It felt like a vehicular igloo. I rubbed a hand over the ice on the window but had to crape with a fingernail to ee. There wa nothing but piled now outide, and the door wouldn t budge. I climbed over to the driver ide and opened the door. The warning bell weakly alerted me that the key wa till in the ignition. Jacob? Alone e e Nothing but the ound of wet now falling. The car

21 A Marriage Carol had come to ret in a now bank, puhed into a clump of thin birch tree growing by the curve, but there wa no ign of my huband. I looked for track on hi ide of the car but there were none. I pulled my feet inide, cloed the door, and felt my head. No ignificant bump. I pulled the rearview mirror down to ee if I had ruptured a major artery but the mirror came off in my hand. No blood, but the mirror howed line and wrinkle I hadn t noticed. Thank to Clairol, my hair had maintained a deep auburn. Brown eye that looked tired and empty. No makeup, not even liptick. If I had worn a head covering I could be on the cover of an Amih tragedy. I turned the key and the engine puttered, coughed, and neezed, but didn t tart. My breath became a fog when I exhaled and my hand were quickly turning to ice. I opened the door again and yelled for my huband. Nothing but the echo of my voice and the tick, tick of ice and now decending. I dug into my pure and pulled out my cellphone. I could tell the kid we d been in an accident and then I d call 911. There wa no reception in the area. No bar on the phone.

22 Alone That wa where Jacob went, to find a place to call 911.But why would he leave without telling me? My teeth chattered and every time I hoved my hand into the overcoat they felt colder. The cloud cover blocked the un but gave enough light to ee the landcape. Through the intenifying now were rolling hill and tree, dene wooded area a well a pature with everal inche of covering and in ome place a few feet of now where the wind had fiercely blown. I took the key and et out on foot, looking around the curve and down the hill for the tractor trailer. The road under the top layer of now wa an ice rink and I lamented not wearing hiking boot. Maybe Jacob had followed the truck, trying to aid the driver who had no doubt plunged into the aby. A I rounded the curve below our pinout, I expected to ee flaher in the fog, the content of the trailer pilled on the road or the hillide below, but everything wa clear. There were no kid mark, other than our. No gaping hole in the barbed wire fence. No deceaed driver. Jacob! I yelled, my voice echoing off the wet hillide and tree. The only thing wore than hearing my huband voice wa not hearing my huband voice.

23 A Marriage Carol My cellphone till had no ignal, and the battery wa low. Darkne wa coming quickly and the cold moved from my finger and toe inward and upward. The only footprint leading from the car were my own and I followed them back. We had pun a 360 and another 180 into the nowbank againt the tree. Other than the deployed airbag and windhield there didn t eem to be more damage, but I wan t worried about the car at that point. Through the tree and now I potted a glimmer of light, a faint glow on the hillide. If it wa a houe, there had to be a road, but a quick look at the winding road that wound upward and away from the houe led me to believe the fatet route wa on foot acro the pature and up the hillide. Perhap Jacob had gone there to get help. I lung my pure over my houlder and tarted down the hill, gaining unintended momentum and topping myelf by grabbing a fencepot. I climbed through the barbed wire and a few tep later tripped on omething and fell, the content of my pure pilling into the now. My face, my hand, my leg were now wet and tinging, the wind biting. I located my wallet, phone, and key and

24 Alone left the ret. I zipped the coat a far a it would go and et off through the pature. Snow nuck into my hoe and my ankle and hin were the next victim. What I wouldn t give for a freh pair of Jacob untylih tube ock I berated him for wearing. When I hit the hillide, I lot ight of the glow. Dead leave and dry branche cracked and hied underneath the layer of now. An eerie darkne enveloped me and I wihed I had a flahlight. Why hadn t I tayed on the road? If it wan t for the little tree that gave me leverage to pull myelf higher, I might have given up. Jacob? An enormou crow landed in a tree above me and cawed, daring me to continue. I wa too exhauted to nap off a tree limb and throw it at him and too cold to make a nowball. He cawed again a I grabbed the tree and pulled myelf forward and then, awkwardly took to hi wing and flew acro the white meadow, dipping and wobbling until he thumped onto an old tump. That when I aw the car on the road, headlight canning the hillide a they paed the curve, not even lowing at our pinout. If I had tayed I could have flagged them down. I d be warm. Or maybe in a car with a erial killer.

25 A Marriage Carol Where i your huband when you need him? I never went for the trong, ilent type, or the macho male/weekend warrior, but I would have taken a gun-toting, beerguzzling quirrel hunter right then to woop me up and carry me the ret of the way. The cold and wetne tung my face, and o did the brier I crahed through near the top of the hill. I wiped omething wet away from the cratche and tear filled my eye. My noe wa dripping, my lip were numb, and my hair wet with melting now that had fallen from the tree. My thigh, not the highlight of my anatomy, burned from the long pull uphill, but were alo chilled and frozen. I wa glad I didn t have a mirror right then becaue I would have needed couneling to hake the indelible image. At the top of the hill I aw the warm glow of the houe in the ditance. Feet frozen, I moved through a tall drift toward the yellow light. My face wa o cold I wa afraid my kin would crack if I opened my mouth to call out, o I jut put one foot in front of the other. I navigated the back yard lowly, aided only by the light from the back window. There wa a child wing et I didn t ee that caued a problem for my forehead and a tretle I navi-

26 Alone gated around, but I finally made it to the ide of the houe and around a hoveled but ice-covered walkway. A lamp near the driveway gave enough light for me to find the wraparound porch. It wa a two-tory home, wide and tall, with one light on uptair. In the front window tood a Chritma tree with parkling white light that could have been featured on the cover of Better Home and Garden. The ix-panel front door wa painted a deep red, with a door-knocker in the hape of an engagement ring or o it eemed to me. Above the knocker wa a beautiful wreath fahioned from evergreen and mitletoe. If I hadn t been o cold I would have admired it longer, but I reached out a frigid hand to the knocker. A I did, the curtain inide, which covered the mall window beide the door, moved lightly, and a tiny dog preed it noe to the gla and barked. # The ound of heavy foottep on hardwood. The door opened and an older man tood there, reaching to gather me into the warmth of the room. He wa tall and heavyet, and looked like ome actor that alway get picked for the part of the preident or angry police ergeant

27 A Marriage Carol who frutrated with hi officer. He carried an afghan and wept it over my houlder with one quick throw and pulled it tight around me. You re freezing, he aid, cloing the door and getting on one knee before me. Let get thoe hoe off and you over by the fire. He took off my hoe and lipped my dripping wet ock from my feet. I looked down on hi bald pot, the gray hair forming a perfect O at the top of hi head. What were you doing out there? There wa an accident, I aid, teeth chattering. I can t find my huband. He didn t come here, did he? We haven t had any viitor with the torm. What type of accident? I explained and he litened intently, putting my hoe and ock over the heating vent. He tood with ome effort, hi knee cracking, and looked at the cratche on my face. I upect he went to look for help or a cell ignal, like you ugget, he aid. He probably worried about you. If he wa o worried, why would he abandon me? Water dripped from my hair onto the hiny wood

28 Alone floor. I tried to tay on the welcome mat o a not to leak all over the entry. Hi face eemed warm and kind. Don t worry about the now. It jut water, after all. Now come on over to the fire. We ll get you warm and cozy. I lipped on the wet floor and he took my arm and guided me to the living room. He walked with a noticeable limp and when we reached an overtuffed, leather chair, he turned it toward the fireplace. Three huge log burned and crackled and the warmth and the woodmoke mell felt like ome freh viion of welcome that covered me a well a the afghan. He at me down and pulled a foottool cloe, then draped a blanket from one of the couche over my leg and feet. I ll be right back with omething to warm you up on the inide. He left and the little dog returned, a teacup Yorkhire terrier that niffed at my hoe and ock, then padded toward the chair, it ear up and eye earching my face, a if it undertood pain. Hey little guy, I aid, reaching out a hand. He wa reticent at firt, backing up. He licked hi noe and yawned, then crept cloer a I held out my hand. He niffed at it and at again, looking into my oul, into all

29 A Marriage Carol the hurt and coldne. Something about that dog caued the tear to well up inide me, omething I didn t undertand, couldn t undertand. Jacob aid dog caue too much trouble. Too much me. He couldn t tand hair on the furniture and the cratche on the floor and door. I ee you ve met Rue, the man aid when he returned with a towel. He gave it to me and I dried my hair and kept the towel on my houlder for any tray droplet. He alo brought ome woolen ock and I lipped them on. He gorgeou, I aid. Such a wonderful color and hine to hi coat. And a weet dipoition. He patted my blanket and Rue jumped up on my lap and at, wiggling hi tubby tail and arching hi back into me like we had known each other forever. I laughed at the feeling of omething o pure and innocent excited to it with me. He licked at my hand, then ettled into a curl on my thigh and put hi head toward the fire, content. Do you mind if I ue your phone to call my children? I aid. They ll be worried. He gave a pained look and retrieved a handet from an end table. He clicked it on and litened. The phone

30 Alone been out all afternoon. Probably ice on the line. And the cell phone reception i almot nonexitent up here. What about your computer? I could end He chuckled. Sorry, ma am. We don t have acce to that either. Decided a long time ago to cut that from the budget. But I ll go right out and look for your huband. Hi name i Jacob. And I m Marlee Ebenezer. Thank you for taking me in like thi. The teakettle whitled from the kitchen. I ll be right back, he aid. I troked the dog fur and looked around the room. It wa decorated imply. Other than my leather chair, two other couche and a loveeat were arranged around the fireplace. On the mantel wa a imple wreath and below it, a nowglobe with a cro inide. Bookhelve flanked the fireplace. It wa all I could do not to get up and examine the hundred of volume there, but I wa too content and too warm with Rue on my lap. There were picture, a well, miling couple tanding together, poing for the camera. Mot of the picture were taken in front of the fireplace or in the back yard by the lattice. A coffee table held a ingle candle, a Bible, and a purple book underneath. On the hearth were fireplace

31 A Marriage Carol utenil, a poker, hovel, tong, and broom. Beide it wa a long-handled pot with two other maller pot inide with the ame ize handle. They were gold and looked barely ued. The fire popped, and Rue gave a head-jerk and then ettled again. The creen kept any tray ember from flying. The tree made quite an impreion at the bay window, but there wa omething trange about the room, omething I couldn t pinpoint. Then it hit me that it wa what wan t in the room: a televiion. There wa no ign of one. I have ome three-bean chili cooking on the tove, the man aid a he returned. It ll be ready in a little bit. Thi hould be a good tart. He hakily handed me a mug and aucer. The teabag tag hung over the ide and I recognized the familiar color of my favorite tea. It Ginger Lemon with jut a drop or two of honey, the man aid. Jut the way I like it. Thank you. The mug pread warmth to my whole body and Rue niffed at the aucer when I placed it on the arm of the chair.

32 Alone What are thoe pot? I aid. He paued a moment, earching for the word. Family heirloom. I ll tell you about them when I get back. Let the tea warm you and I ll get your chili after I find your huband. Thi i very kind of you. Thank you. He miled at me a he put on hi coat and hat and diappeared into the garage. The mell of the tea brought back memorie, one I didn t want to dredge. Fight with Jacob, argument and outburt from me and the ilence of a man reigned to omething other than love. I hated aociating thoe memorie with the tea, but there are ome thing you can t control. My mind raced through the poibilitie of what had happened on the road. Sure, Jacob could have gone off on hi own, looking for help, but what if omeone wan t paying attention while they drove along? What if omeone had kidded into him omewhere up the road? Or perhap the truck driver had taken him for help. Something creaked above and Rue body tened, hi ear pricked. In a flah he wa off my lap and up the tair, hi little leg churning. He diappeared at the top of the tair and hi nail ticked over the hardwood.

33 A Marriage Carol # The old man returned and hung hi coat and hat on the hall tree. I found your car, but there no ign of Jacob. Checked with the neighbor, too. It naty on the road. Almot got tuck even though I have four-wheel drive. He picked up the phone but it wa till dead. Maybe he got a ride down the hill. I left a note on the front eat telling him where you are. Put the emergency flaher on, too, but that battery i pretty weak. I uppoe that all we can do now, I aid. Other than prayer, he aid. I nodded. I uppoe there i that. He diappeared into the kitchen and returned with a teaming bowl of chili with cornbread that tated o weet it melted in my mouth. He headed uptair with another bowl and Rue met him at the top, wagging hi tail and dancing on the hardwood like a trained circu animal. I had finihed my bowl when he returned and he offered me another, but I wa content. He pulled a chair beide me and ettled in, cradling hi own bowl and warming both hand with it. Who ele i here? I aid.

34 Alone Excue me? You aid, we when I firt arrived. That we haven t had any viitor. And I heard noie while you were gone. No one i here but my wife and me. She reting uptair. I omething wrong with her? Nothing time and life han t done. He paued and there eemed to be a bit of adne in it. And what brought you out to thee part? I told him we were on our way to an attorney office to ign divorce paper. No ene beating around the buh. I let that ink in and expected ome kind of apology for prying, but he didn t eem hocked. Have you been planning thi long? he aid. I told him more about u. More than I wanted, but it jut eemed to pill out. And he didn t do anything to top me. That a lot of year to be married. What the main reaon? Ha Jacob abued you in ome way? No, there no abue. I there another woman? I don t think o. Hi other woman i hi work.

35 A Marriage Carol Have you tried couneling? I nodded. A few time. A pator once. A pychologit. Went to a marriage eminar one weekend a few year ago. He reached toward the coffee table. Have you tried The book? Let me tell you about the book I ve read. Stacked on my nighttand. I litened to them on CD in the carpool lane. Don t give me another book. I ve tried everything. Even called a radio program once aking for advice. Nothing work. We re jut not right for each other. But you were, at one point? In the beginning, ure. Anyone can tay in love at the beginning, I think. But through the year, and with the kid, we jut grew apart. He threw himelf into hi work and hobbie, and my heart turned toward the children. And here you are twenty year later, tranger. Exactly. Tell me about your children. How old are they? A he crumbled hi cornbread in hi chili, I told him everything. All the way down to what David aid in the bathroom while he wa itting, tudying the pattern in

36 Alone the tile. The man laughed with me and hook hi head like it wa hi own grandchild. You mentioned a pator, he aid a he finihed hi chili and placed the bowl on the coffee table. What about your piritual life? I laughed, though it wan t funny, and tared at the fire. I know it not true, but it almot feel like I don t have any right to talk to God. Why would you ay that? Becaue I know it a in to get a divorce. That how I wa raied. And once God i ticked off at you, He won t liten to your prayer. Well, it true that God hate divorce. But that doen t mean you houldn t talk with Him. He a forgiving God. And part of the reaon He hate divorce i the pain and heartache it create in the people He love. You ound like a pator. He miled. I gue in a way I am. You came acro the field, didn t you? You didn t ee the ign in front. What ign? I couldn t ee ten feet in front of my face. Year ago thi place wa a funeral home. Didn t get much buine way out here, o they old it. We turned

37 A Marriage Carol it into a retreat center. For truggling couple. People who ve given up or thoe who jut want to grow cloer. He pointed at the picture in the bookhelf. Some of our graduate. I couldn t hold back the laughter. That ha to be the definition of irony. I take helter at a marriage retreat that ued to be a funeral home. I don t think it by chance that you re here. He poke with an edge of certainty. You aved all of thoe marriage? Not me. And adly, not all of them were aved. People make their own choice. We can t control what anyone doe, but we can be there to walk with them. Many were right on the brink, like you. From where I it, I d ay you were allowed thi divine appointment for a purpoe. Or maybe that eighteen-wheeler wa God way of punihing u for what we were about to do. I prefer to think of it a a wakeup call. It never too late to do omething good for your marriage. I hook my head. We ve made up our mind. There no hope left. He folded hi wrinkled hand and looked at the picture. I ve heard that a few time over the year. And

38 Alone I d like to ugget omething about hope. Why don t you and your huband hold onto the hope I have for you? A man we can t even find? A man who probably doen t want to go through with thi any more than you. How can you ay that? You don t even know him. You don t know me. He pured hi lip. I m going on experience. Mot people don t want to throw away their marriage. Working together for twenty year and giving a lot of money to lawyer doen t make ene. You re right about that. The lawyer Jacob found i cut-rate. The only reaon he would tay with me i if he could ave money, not becaue of love. So you re going through with the divorce even though you know it not the anwer. You jut don t ee another way out. Though I wanted to change the ubject, I couldn t. The old man had nailed my inner feeling. Hi quetion led me further toward the hurt and betrayal I felt at my huband for not eeing me. Not noticing all I did to make our live work. Of coure Jacob felt the ame way, that I had not fully engaged in the relationhip for ome time.

39 A Marriage Carol That I had given up, diengaged. That my mind wa elewhere, even during love-making. Which wa true. I know I m not happy where I am, I aid. And neither i he. In t that what marriage i uppoed to be? We re uppoed to love each other. We re uppoed to complete each other. In t there a vere that ay God want u to be happy? He rubbed the tubble on hi chin. There a vere that ay Jeu came to give life and give it abundantly. But God doen t exit to make you and me happy. Some of the mot committed follower of God I ve ever met have been in mierable circumtance. Good thing you re not a pator, becaue that kind of meage wouldn t exactly fill pew or the offering plate. He miled. True. But notice I aid their circumtance were mierable. But they were content in their ituation. They aw that God wa working in them and through them in pite of what wa happening on the outide. Well, I don t think God at work with u. He abandoned our marriage a long time ago. I m jut following Him out the door. Are you ure He abandoned you?

40 Alone What do you mean? You think God been working? Maybe God ha been cloer than you know. Even bringing you here ugget to me that there till hope. I don t know how many way I can ay it. It over. He picked out hi apartment. I get the houe and van and we hare cutody of the kid. Twenty year ago tonight we tarted thi journey and it about to end. The man tired eye lit up. Tonight your anniverary? Ye. In a nowtorm. We thought it would be romantic to have a Chritma Eve wedding. What were we thinking? We haven t been able to celebrate our anniverary ince our kid were born. Not that we would celebrate now. He tood and walked toward the fireplace. Intereting. Twenty year ago tonight omething pivotal happened. Something that changed your life. Twenty year later on the exact ame date you re making another pivotal choice. It jut a day on the calendar. I m not o ure. Date are important. And there meaning behind a heavy nowfall. There power in it. You re loing me, here. What do you mean?

41 A Marriage Carol You ve een fake now in movie. You can tell it every time you ee it. The tuff blow around. Won t tick. But real now doe. And that what the world hunger for, omething that tick. Not omething that toed by the wind. The old man at by the fire and tared at the crumbling log. The flame flickered and glitened off the polihed exterior of the golden pot and danced about the wall. I tried to teer him from hi tangent about the now and focued on the utenil. Thoe look old. He nodded. They are. What do you ue them for? Popcorn? Again, hi eye twinkled. Believe it or not, they re ued to help the hopele. Marriage with no future. Couple caught in the web of the pat and preent. You don t let couple bang each other in the head with them, do you? Oh no, nothing like that! We both laughed and Rue padded down the tair and jumped onto the man lap and nuggled. How can a couple of gold pot retore a marriage? There are three, actually. I can how you how they

42 Alone can help, but there omething I need from you firt. What that? You have to be willing. To do what? He leaned forward, hi elbow on hi knee, eye piercing mine. To hope. To change. Thee pot will open a new world. You can t be forced to look at them, but once you do, you can t help but repond. It ound... trange. He dipped hi head. I m ure it doe. And I wouldn t blame you if you didn t want to ee. But if you chooe to, there omething you have to do. Which i... Be willing to believe in your marriage. That a future together i poible for you and your huband. I hook my head. I can t go there. Not after all we ve been through. He cratched the dog back. I undertand. But one more quetion. I aked if there wa another woman in your huband life. But I haven t aked you if there i another man in your. My face fluhed and I tirred up all the indignation I could muter. I beg your pardon. Are you accuing me

43 of omething? He tared into my eye. A Marriage Carol How can you accue me of eeing another man when you don t even know me? He put the dog on the warm hearth and tood. You re right. I m meddling. Let me get the back bedroom ready for you. No, I can t tay. I threw off the cover and tood. I have to get home to my children. Trut me. It too dangerou to try and make it off the mountain tonight. The road are next to impaable. A oon a the phone line i retored you can call your family. What about your neighbor? Maybe their phone work. I checked while I wa out with the nearet one. They don t have ervice either. I expect it might take a while to In the middle of hi entence the light flickered and went dark. Rue whimpered and jumped from the hearth. There wa till a faint, white light outide, but the entire houe had gone dark. The man quickly went to the kitchen and returned with a flahlight and handed it to

44 Alone me. Keep thi with you. I have a few more jut for uch an occaion. Thi i pooky, I aid. Oh, it happen often. Nothing to be worried about. No, I mean, it weird. On our honeymoon the power went out. Not that we cared, but we were in the dark all night. The man wa ilent. I could tell omething wa going on in hi mind. I need to check on my wife, he aid, finally. Then I ll get the fire tarted in your room. It hould keep you warm if the electricity tay off.