SIR GALAHAD AUDITION PACKET

Transcription

1 SIR GALAHAD AUDITION PACKET

2 Keyboard 1Conductor THE SONG THAT GOES LIKE THIS Spamalot Tour 8 1 $ " $ : Once in evry show Vln, K3: Stgs. * There 3 comes a song like this It starts off soft and low And 4 ends up with a kiss Oh $ PIANO Solo + " $,, " where is the song that goes like thisf Horn solo 1 0 Where is itf Where is itf K: Oboe solo IK 8 LADY:... Where where wheref Vln, K3: Stgs. A ",,, IK3: BsnStgs. s, 4$

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10 I1 Scene Five: Mud Village rides in with PATSY. GALAHAD ENTERS behind a small traveling mound of mud. He has a trowel and is mining for mud Over Old woman Man Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there? Im twenty seven. What? Im not old Well, I cant just call you Man. Well, you could say Dennis. Well, I didnt know you were called Dennis. Well, you didnt bother to find out, did you? Look I did say I was sorry about the old woman thing, but really from behind you do look like What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior Well, I am king... Oh, king, eh, very nice. And howd you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers. By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society If theres ever going to be any progress

11 I1 MOTHER Dennis, theres a lot of good mud over there. Oh how dyou do? How do you do, good lady. MOTHER How dyou do. Im Mrs. Galahad, widowed mother of Dennis, married to Nobby the Cretin, dropped dead last Tuesday, which does leave me sadly available. I am Arthur, King of the Britons. King of the who? The Britons. Who are the Britons? MOTHER MOTHER Well, we all are. We are all Britons and I am your king. MOTHER I didnt know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective. Youre fooling yourself. Were living in a dictatorship. A selfperpetuating autocracy in which the working classes. MOTHER Oh, there you go, bringing class into it again. Thats what its all about. If only people would Please, please good people. I am in haste. Who is your lord? We dont have a lord. MOTHER Were an anarchosyndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of an executive officer for the week. Yes.

12 I18 but each decision of that officer has to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting. Yes, I see. by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs Be quiet but by a twothirds majority in the case of more Be quiet I order you to be quiet Oh Order, eh? Who does he think he is? I am your king Well, I didnt vote for you. You dont vote for kings. MOTHER MOTHER The Lady Of The Lake Well, how did you become king then? MOTHER Well, Ill tell you. One day, as I was riding forth from Camelot I saw a lady in the lake Dead? No. Not dead. She was the Lady of the Lake She lives in the lake. What, underwater? Yes. MORE

13 I19 indicates to his mother that has been drinking CONTD She appeared to me out of the bosom of the water Her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, holding aloft Excalibur signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. draws his sword. It shines mystically. Music plays Excalibur EXCALIBUR AH AH PATSY CHORUS OFFSTAGE and his MOTHER look around to see who sang That is why I am your King. Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. Its not just an ordinary sword. How many swords have their own names? You cant expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you Be quiet If I went around saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me theyd put me away Do you think I could make that up? Soggy old blondes with their backsides in ponds cant replace the electorate.

14 I0 Very well, since you dont believe me, if I prove to you that the Lady of the Lake exists, will you join my army and enlist as a knight? Oh sure, if she exists, Ill join any bloody army. And for the Tooth Fairy, Ill join the Navy Very well. Watch this.

15 4 Scene Four: The Black Knight King Arthur rides in with Patsy holding the shrubbery. The Black Knight bars his way. : Good Sir Knight. I am King Arthur looking for my men. Would you care to join us? : None shall pass. I see. Well, good sir knight I have no quarrel with you, but I must pass this way. + : : Then you shall die. I command you as King of the Britons to stand aside I move for no man. So be it King Arthur draws his sword and after a short battle chops the Black Knight s left arm off. : : : : Now yield, worthy adversary. Tis but a scratch. A scratch? Your arms off No, it isnt. Well, whats that then? Ive had worse. You liar Come on you pansy The fight continues. Soon chops the Black Knight s right arm off. He makes a triumphant gesture and then kneels in prayer. : Victory is mine We thank thee Lord, that in thy mercy

16 The armless Black Knight kicks Arthur in the buttocks while he is praying. : : : : Come on then. What? Have at you You are indeed brave, good Sir knight, but the fight is mine. Oh, had enough, eh? Look, you stupid bastard, youve got no arms left. Yes I have. Look 48 It s just a flesh wound. You yellow bastard I ll bite your legs off You chickenshit lilylivered upper class twit. The Black Knight backs up to the comparative darkness of the Gateway, where he hides the lower part of his body behind a trick door while the Monk enters stage left with a large basket distracting the attention of the audience. MONK: Alms for the poor Alms for the poor The Monk picks up an arm and puts it in the basket. Patsy gives him the other arm. Arms for the poor Arms for the poor exits : The Black Knight always triumphs Im invincible Youre a loony. Arthur runs a sword through the Black Knight s chest pinning him to the castle door. Chicken chicken chicken chicken. swipes at the Black Knight s legs. Ha You missed me Both his legs flop on the stage. : Come on Patsy

17 II1 Scene Eight: Prince Herberts Chamber in Swamp Castle. The Princes Chamber is on the bridge above the Gateway, with a large window with rather gay curtains. A very pastyfaced PRINCE HERBERT, holding a bow from whence he has just fired the arrow into CONCORDE, sings earnestly Where Are You? HERBERT WHERE ARE YOU? WHERE ARE YOU? WHERE ARE YOU, MY HEARTS DESIRE? MY HEART IS TRUE BUT WHERE ARE YOU? ONLY YOU CAN QUENCH THE FIRE WHERE ARE YOU? WHERE ARE YOU? FATHER ENTERS through the Gateway in haste and stops the orchestra playing FATHER Stop that Stop all that singing. Mounts the stairs at high speed Listen, lad, one day all this will be yours What, the curtains? HERBERT FATHER No, not the curtains All that you can see Stretched out over the hills and valleys of this land This will be your kingdom But, Mother Father. HERBERT FATHER A Where Are You? HERBERT Father, I dont want any of that. Id rather Rather what? FATHER

18 II Id rather just...sing Sings: WHERE ARE YOU? WHERE ARE YOU HERBERT FATHER Stop that Youre not going to do a song while Im here. In twenty minutes youre getting married to a girl whose father owns the biggest tracts of open land in Britain. But I dont want land. Listen, Alice Herbert. HERBERT FATHER HERBERT FATHER Herbert. We live in a bloody swamp. We need land. But I dont like her. HERBERT B Where Are You? 3 FATHER Dont like her? Whats wrong with her? Shes beautiful, shes rich, shes got huge tracts of land. HERBERT I know, but I want the person I marry to have... a certain... special... something Sings: AND ANOTHER HUNDRED PEOPLE JUST CONTRACTED THE PLAGUE OR FELL INTO THE SWAMP WHILE ANOTHER HUNDRED PEOPLE JUST CON FATHER Cut that out Look, youre marrying Princess Lucky, so youd better get used to the idea. Guards As FATHER descends the stairs, TWO GUARDS carrying halberds ENTER FATHER CONTD Make sure the Prince doesnt leave this room until I come and get him. GUARD 1 Right Not to leave the room even if you come and get him. No, no. Until I come and get him. FATHER

19 819 Stop that You re not going to do a song while I m here. In twenty minutes you re getting married to a girl whose father owns the biggest tracts of open land in Britain. HERBERT: HERBERT: HERBERT: But I don t want land. Listen, Alice Herbert. Herbert. We live in a bloody swamp. We need land. But I don t like her. Don t like her? What s wrong with her? She s beautiful, she s rich, she s got huge tracts of land. HERBERT: I know, but I want the person I marry to have... a certain... special... music... something And another hundred people just contracted the plague Or fell into the swamp Cut that out Look, youre marrying Princess Lucky, so youd better get used to the idea. Guards As he descends the stairs two Guards carrying Halberds enter. Make sure the Prince doesnt leave this room until I come and get him. Right Not to leave the room even if you come and get him. No, no. Until I come and get him. Until you come and get him, were not to enter the room. No You stay in the room and make sure he doesnt leave.

20 and youll come and get him. That s right. 80 We dont need to do anything, apart from just stop him entering the room. Leaving the room. Leaving the room. yes. Got it? Can he leave the room with us? Carefully No.it s simple... keep him in here.. and make sure. Oh, yes We ll keep him in here, obviously. But if he had to leave and we were with him No just keep him in here. Until you, or anyone else No. Not anyone else, just me. Just you. Get back. Got it. We ll remain here until you get back. And make sure he doesn t leave. What? Make sure he doesn t leave. The Prince.? Yes, make sure..

21 Oh, yes, of course I thought you meant him you know, it seemed a bit daft, me having to guard him when he s a guard. Is that clear? Oh, yes. That s quite clear. No problems. Father turn and starts to leave through the Gateway and they follow him. 81 Where are you going? We re coming with you. No, I want you to stay here and make sure he doesn t leave the room until I get back. HERBERT: Oh, I see, right. But, Father Shut your noise, you And get that suit on [music] And no singing Father exits. Shouts offstage. Screams. The Guards smile happily. Lancelot rushes in, his sword drawn and bloody. GUARD1: Ah. Now you re not to leave the room until Lancelot stabs him GUARD: Hic. Lancelot stabs him too and races up the stairs to kneel before the Prince. LANCELOT: Oh fair one, behold your humble servant Sir Lancelot from the Court of Camelot, I have come to take you.away and oh I m terribly sorry.. HERBERT: LANCELOT: HERBERT: You got my note? Well I got a note. You ve come to rescue me?