Superpower Your Ability to Negotiate: How to Read Body Language

Transcription

1 Superpower Your Ability to Negotiate: How to Read Greg Williams (guest) Patricia Iyer (moderator) Sponsored by

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3 Slide 1 Welcome to you and to Greg Williams. We are presenting a program today on how to read body language which is an essential part of negotiation. Greg is known as The Master Negotiator and he will be taking you today through some understanding of how we send signals to others when we're negotiating. Greg, please begin. Thank you, Pat and good morning to everyone, good afternoon, good evening - depending upon where you are throughout the world. When we engage in a negotiation, we oftentimes pick up signals that we're not aware of and those signals come in the form of body language. Now today we're going to discuss some strategies that one can implement when negotiating and in so doing how to read and utilize body language or nonverbal indications that will give you insight into the mindset of the person with whom you're speaking. Slide 2 One very, very famous negotiator came up with the quote, You get what you deserve in life based on your ability to negotiate. I know most of you are wondering who exactly was that famous negotiator. Well, it's me and yes, yes, yes, I am a legend in my own mind, but it's true. You can have two situations, with two individuals in these situations and every bit as equal and yet one individual will actually come out a lot more ahead than the other simply because he or she knows how to negotiate a lot better. So as we go through this particular session we will talk about how it is that you, yes, I'm talking right to you, the listener, the viewer right now can actually improve and enhance your abilities to negotiate and come out with a lot more in life than you otherwise would have. Slide 3 Body language. What can you really discern when we're speaking about body language, when we're sensing something that's being projected by the image that we see in front of us in the form of another individual that we're negotiating with? Well, body language is actually like a piercing eye that one can see in the soul of the other individual to actually glean insight into the mindset of that individual. Some people pooh, pooh body language and they say, Well, it's not really an art or a science. But I beg to differ because there are signals that our bodies send all day long that anyone who is astute can actually pick up. He can really tell what we really mean when we say a certain thing a certain way and/or tell what's really on our mind versus what we allow somebody to think is on our mind based on the words we actually use. Thus body language is not only an integral piece of negotiations but at the same time in giving insight Page 3 of 23

4 into someone's mindset it also allows one to gather additional information as one goes throughout the negotiation process. Slide 4 Observe this picture for a moment. If you did not see the caption, which I'll also talk about in a moment, and you just observed the body language of the two characters in this particular picture, you could quickly discern the fact that the guy on the right, the bigger guy has said something that the guy on the left has perceived as being appalling. You can just pick that up based on the body language that you see. The guy on the left is literally leaning away from the guy on the right and you can see the guy on the left's hand has actually come up to his mouth like, Ah, I don't believe what he's saying. We're going to talk about hand gestures throughout this particular presentation also and how they add weight to body language and what is being said either by the person speaking the words or the person to whom the words are coming from when you're actually in a negotiation. Just observe this picture for a moment and again observe the fact the guy on the right is leaning forward. He's into the scene if you wish, into the environment. The guy on the left is drawing back and it's a sign, in and of itself with the fact or to the fact that the guy on the left just really doesn't want to have anything to do with the guy on the right and the intentions that just his body language alone is displaying. Now you'll also notice the verbiage from the guy on the right which is stating You are as beautiful as my wife. Boy, oh boy, now you have to wonder about the guy s wife, on the right, exactly what she might look like too but hey, that's a different story for a different day. Slide 5 Okay, any time you try and understand what someone's body language gestures are actually creating, speaking of or conveying, you have to understand your own biases. Not only do you have to understand your own biases but you also have to understand the biases from which you perceive the information from the person who's projecting such body language gestures. What I'm saying with that is you have to understand that you will perceive things: based on the environment in which you've come, based on the environment from which you are situated in currently and based on the perception that you have, your biases, about what things are as they are perceived as being normal, not as normal and things that are just outright wrong. Page 4 of 23

5 If you look at this particular picture you will see something that your mind tells you is being depicted in this picture. Pat, can we just poll the audience real fast; ask them what they actually see in this particular picture? Sure. For those of you who are listening there is a box on your screen called questions. There's an opportunity for you to type in an answer to the question that Greg is asking, What do you see in this picture? Please take a minute to think about what you're looking at and offer your guess about what this picture is about and then we'll share the answers with Greg. Pat, while the listeners and the viewers are doing so, I would just like to continue and explain a little bit more about biases because it goes back to when you're negotiating understanding as much as you possibly can about how the other individual with whom you're negotiating perceives value. That's what this picture is going to allow you to glimpse. That's to say, your perspective of how you perceive value and how you perceive reality as it is presented to you and you have to make sure you understand your biases, the other individual's biases, what they consider to be of value, and what you consider to be of value and in a negotiation. During a negotiation process you match those values up in order to make sure you are aligned when you're actually talking about a particular covenant of the negotiation to make sure you're in sync. Have we given our viewers enough time, Pat? Yes, we have, Greg, and one person who is watching the program said, Mommy likes to make money at work or works to raise money. Another answer is similar. A child is showing what her mommy does for a living and the third person...a third answer is "Mommy looks like a stripper and she's getting paid. Well, guess what? All of those answers are right. And the reason...go ahead, I'm sorry-- Another person thinks that mommy might be a teacher. A teacher. Well. A teacher and a stripper. Boy, oh boy. That's diverse, now isn't it? That was diverse not perverse but anyway, I digress. First of all, all of those answers are correct and the reason all of those answers are correct even though they differ from one another is the fact that it is that particular responses perception of what is occurring. Page 5 of 23

6 Thus that particular individual has just gained insight into how he or she actually perceives, in this case, this particular situation. Now in reality, there was a second grade teacher that asked her students to draw a picture depicting their mother at work. This particular picture was drawn by a student who was seven years old, indicates that there was a big snow storm the night before. Her mother actually works at Home Depot and her mother was actually selling snow shovels, he said at Home Depot. It may have a little more than meets the eye but what meets the eye to a particular individual is what reality is to that individual which is why I said, again, all of those responses were actually right. So just keep in mind how you perceive things during the negotiation in order to make sure that you are aligned with the individual with whom you're negotiating. Slide 6 Slide 7 In talking about body language there are many different gestures that one conveys with one's body. A handshake is a very, very powerful gesture of conveyance to indicate one's sentiments. When someone is shaking hands in the manner in which you see right now in the picture being displayed, both individuals are indicating, I'm equal to you, you're equal to me. The way that's depicted is in the fact that both their hands are at an equal level to one another. One is not trying to supplant the hand of the other by displaying what is.one hand up, one hand down. In this particular shot, the person standing on the left is actually indicating that he's superior by having his hand literally on top of the gentleman s hand that s on the right. Now, if you look at the body language that's depicted in this picture, you can also glean some additional information based on the way the two gentlemen are positioned. The gentleman on the left has his hand in a superior manner. That's to say, his hand is on top which is what used to be called years ago, having the upper hand and I guess in some parlance it's still called just that. But the gentleman on the right has a smug look on his face and he's actually bracing his body, as it were, with his cane which could say, I'm a little frail but nevertheless I feel as though I can compete. While the gentleman on the left, you will note is standing upright, slightly more so than the gentleman on the right and he's in a position. He has a slight smile on his face which is the conveyance of, I'm superior in this situation. The purpose of observing both this particular slide and the last one is to indicate exactly how just a simple handshake can be the beginning of one conveying strength as opposed to weakness, being equal as opposed to not being equal and being dominant as opposed to subjugating one to the person with whom they are negotiating. Slide 8 Hand signals can also convey a sense of security to a person that is actually displaying the gesture. In this particular slide we see a picture of a man with Page 6 of 23

7 his hands in a steeple position. If you think of a church steeple, you can readily identify exactly how he is displaying the level of confidence that he has in himself. When you see someone displaying such a gesture, he is basically saying in a nonverbal manner, I understand what I'm speaking of, I have confidence in what it is that I'm saying and you should take heed to what I'm conveying to you because I have everything under control. Now if you encounter such a situation and the person is literally just trying to bluff you, you might be able to ask a question Well, I get a sense that you don't really feel as assured as you're displaying, is that true? Observe what the person does with his hands at that particular moment in time. If the person drops the steepling of his hands at that particular time, you know that person is not as assured of what it is that he is saying versus the nonverbal gesture that he is conveying to probably convince you that he is more aware of what it is in his confidence level, of what it is that he's actually saying. So just take note of when someone steeples his hands. Slide 9 Pat, can we poll the audience and ask exactly what they see in this particular picture? Sure. Please, again, fill in on your answer area what you see in the picture. While they're doing that, Pat, I'm going to talk about steepling just a little bit more. First of all, steepling comes in all different sizes and shapes. They can be displayed in different kinds of manner based on the environment that people are in. If someone has a steepling process in the making and her fingers haven't completely touched one another and yet they are air steepling as it's called, meaning there's not really touching occurring. They're actually sending out a different signal, a different message than if they were in a full steeple environment. Have we given our respondents enough time, Pat? Yes. We have several answers, Greg and one answer that has come from several participants is that they see a heart and someone who is thinking. Another person said I see somebody debating something in their mind and holding their hands while they're doing it. Okay. Another person said loving something. Oh, okay, okay. Well, now in reality, this is yet another form of steepling and to the person who said it appears that someone is thinking, well that could be true. In determining someone's body language gestures you always need to Page 7 of 23

8 establish a foundation and what I mean by that is, you have to establish how that person uses and utilizes her body in a nonthreatening environment. That's to say when she s at a perfectly relaxed environment, one that's not threatening to her and then compare that to how she uses her body when she s in a more stressful environment, one that does create some type of angst in them and see the differences and note the differences. Therein lies how you will be able to discern exactly what that particular gesture indicates at that particular moment in time. For this particular picture it's another steeple and it's nothing more than a steeple in reverse and it just happens to be formed in a heart. Maybe this person's body language gesture is indicating, I have a heart or you should have a heart in what it is that you propose at this particular juncture in the negotiation. You can not only observe how this person uses his or her body during this particular gesture but observe how the person uses the same gesture at another segment of the negotiation or have used that gesture when they were in a non-negotiation environment. Then make a determination as to what it is that they're truly conveying when they do so at this particular section in the negotiation. Slide 10 Let's talk about other hand signals. They're several hand signals. We talked about the handshake itself a moment ago and they're several handshakes that I should have mentioned when we were at that particular juncture but I'll cover it right now. There's a two-handed handshake whereby one person places not only the hand that she s shaking with the other individual but her additional hand on top of the other person's hand. That's one way of controlling an environment. Then that person that has one hand free could grasp the elbow of the other individual, which would be a more superior form of control than the twohanded handshake. The higher gesture would then be to go to someone's shoulder. The hand on the shoulder is not only a form of control but it says, I'm in control of you and I'm superior to you. Now it can also be used, as you'll see in a moment, as yet another form to convey sentiments to someone but take note of the fact when someone places a hand on someone's shoulder that he s in a controlling environment at that particular moment in time and the person to whom the hand is being placed on his shoulder is actually subjugated to that individual. Slide 11 Now look at this particular picture. You have yet again, a hand on the shoulder and if you'll note, you have the gentleman in the middle and you have the two medical professionals with their hands on the gentleman's shoulder. Not only are they controlling this individual, they're also in a superior position but they're comforting him in this particular situation. The Page 8 of 23

9 difference between the comfort and just pure outright control and display of superiority is the fact of what is occurring in a negotiation when you're in such an environment. If you're in an environment whereby...let's say you're literally looking at this scene from afar. You might discern the fact that these two medical professionals were trying to reassure this gentleman that everything turned out okay or everything's going to be okay and by all means everything is going to be alright. In looking at this particular picture you can also discern the fact that by the garb the medical professionals are wearing, in itself, also serves as a nonverbal gesture, if you wish, of the fact that they have control of the environment and the situation. So there are times when you can negotiate by just having a particular garb that you're wearing to signal your status in life, your station in life, what it is you feel is of value, etc. So take into consideration when you are into a negotiation exactly how you're being perceived versus how you wish to project your image based on what it is that you're actually wearing. Slide 12 Slide 13 Slide 14 More hand signals. Contemplation. If you look at this particular picture you see this gentleman is in thought mode. A lot of times when you see the hand going up to the forehead or the chin the person is indicating through that body language gesture that he is in a contemplation mode. They're in a thought process, they're in a thought process whereby they are analyzing what it is that has been proposed to them, how they might respond to that proposal, what it is that they might do if that proposal is rejected. All of those thoughts are going through that individual's mind in nanoseconds and you can sense what he is actually contemplating simply by observing the gesture that he's displaying and with this case, his hand to his forehead. Now if you look at this particular picture, one might go, okay the open hands are indicating I have nothing to hide, the facial gesture may say, Okay, okay, I concede, I concede, I concede. Now this could be the case but again it goes back to what I said earlier about developing a foundation first. If you understand that based on this particular gesture of the open hands and saying. Okay I concede or I don't have anything to hide you may think this person's truly in a conceding environment. But if you also observe the fact that his body language, his arms are tucked close to his body; his legs are not that far apart, so there's a slight shrug. But you can't notice that too much in this particular picture. You can also see that this individual happens to be closed. So while he may be in a concession manner based on his body language display he's not truly willing to completely give in to what may have been proposed at this particular situation and this particular environment. Contrast this particular gesture to this one. Again you see this hand signal says, Okay I'm open to what you're proposing. This particular body Page 9 of 23

10 language gesture is more open than the one that you saw prior because this young lady happens to be displaying through her body language the fact that she not only has nothing to hide, that she's not fearful of what has been proposed simply because she is saying through her body language gesture, I'm open. If she had been covering her arms across her body or things of that nature, that would have been an indication that she may be open but at the same time she's somewhat closed, cautious. If you see someone displaying her full frontal view to you, she s in essence saying, I'm not fearful of what it is that you're saying or doing and I don't have anything to conceal. Slide 15 Here's yet another body language gesture. This individual again has her hands open saying, I'm willing to accept what it is that you're saying but she's in contemplation mode by the fact that she's actually looking up and she's somewhat guarded by the fact that her body is not as open as you may have seen in the prior slide. But at the same time she's willing to contemplate what it is that has been proposed to her. You'll also observe the fact that her legs are somewhat more closed than the lady in the prior slide which is yet another indicator that she is somewhat open but only to a slight degree. She's indicating through her gesture that she is guarded and I might even say, optimistically guarded as she goes into reflection mode. Now when you also observe someone's body language, people that are right handed, when they try to recall something will take a look up and to the left when they're trying to recall something accurately that has occurred in the past. When they're trying to recall something that will...or I should say when they're trying to create something or think of something that may occur in the future, they will tend to look up and to the right. Thus if you look at this gesture you can see she's in a recollection mode and she's trying to also discern whether or not she's going to truly believe what she's hearing in this case or it could be seeing. We'll talk about visual versus auditory in a few moments, but at the same time she's reflecting on what it is that she has seen and/or heard in the past in this type of situation to come up with whether or not she should be more open to what has been proposed or become more guarded. Slide 16 Everyone can instantly see exactly what's going on here. Not only is this individual closed because her body language is very tight, that's to say together, but at the same time she has not only one hand over her mouth but both hands over her mouth. She's indicating in this gesture the fact that either she doesn't believe what she's just heard, she's also indicating by the wideness of her eyes that she's somewhat surprised by either what was just said or what she heard or what it was that she actually said. Oh, I don't believe I said that. It could be the gesture that she is actually conveying based on the Page 10 of 23

11 words that were just spoken by her or the other individual with whom it is she's speaking. Again, when you see such a gesture just understand what is going on in the mind of the other individual because you may say something along the lines of, Did I offend you with what I just said? If the other individual while having her hands clasped over her mouth responds by saying, Oh no, everything is okay, there's a mismatch in the body language and the words. The verbiage that she has spoken ( No, everything is okay) could be just a cover up, literally for the fact that she, by having her hands over her mouth is displaying the fact that, No, no, no, I am slightly offended, I am somewhat taken aback by the fact that you just said something or I just saw something that made me react in this manner. Slide 17 Slide 18 Okay, Pat, ask the listeners and the viewers and the audience members in general how they feel when someone gives them the finger. Alright, please fill in on your answer panel there. A lot of times we are motivated...i'll use that phrase, by the way someone conveys their sentiments towards us. Sometimes in a happy gesture, sometimes in a not so happy gesture. I know some of you may be thinking right now, Okay someone giving me the finger... hmm. I wonder where this is going? Pat, have we gotten any responses yet? We have. The responses are offended, shocked, offended, scared, scared about what somebody will be doing next. Another person says, It depends upon what the finger means. Ah...to the person that stated that last sentiment, that's exactly right because when someone gives you the finger...notice what I did though. I set this up so as to allow once again...each respondent to give light to their biases because it really does depend on what the finger really means. In this case, for example, this particular individual is giving the perceiver a finger but it's in an inquisitive reflective manner. Remember what I said a moment ago about how right handed people will tend to look up and to the left when they're trying to recall something. This individual not only is doing so, which indicates that he's trying to recall something that has happened in the past but that finger in this case, again to the chin area...more to the lips in her case but nevertheless to the chin area is more of an indication that she is not only trying to recall something but she is truly in a reflective mode. Page 11 of 23

12 Now had the question been posed... So, Jill, what did you do last night? and Jill gave you this gesture. You would know more than likely that Jill was in the process of citing accurately and truthfully what really did occur last night. Now had Jill looked up and to the right in this particular situation you would also have insight based on Jill's body language gesture. Jill was getting ready to go into makeup mode, that's to say, be creative... Oh, well last night I did yadda, yadda, yadda and you have to seriously give pause to whether or not what Jill was really saying was accurate. Now again, all of this has to go back to establishing the foundation because the vast majority of individuals, especially right handed individuals, will look up and to the left when they're trying to recall something. There are some individuals who will literally look up and to the right when they're trying to recall something. Therefore, if you establish that foundation of how they use their body based on when they're in a nonthreatening environment you'll have insight that can tell you accurately, exactly how that individual is using their body in any particular situation. Slide 19 Okay, onward and upward. This one...again someone's giving you the finger. In this particular picture you can actually see the fact that someone is being reprimanded and in this case it happens to be a coach. And why do I say that? It appears that there's a field in the background, even though it's a grainy picture. That's to say the background and this individual that's giving this other individual the finger appears to have some type of stop watch or some kind of coaching device on him. There are many different clues, as I also said a moment ago, that one can pick up when you're negotiating. I talk about the garb in which someone is attired that gives indications and insight into exactly what type of level that particular individual possesses. In this case, as you can see and I said a moment ago, there is what appears or could appear to be a stop watch around this gentleman's neck and so being, he could be a coach. Again you're picking up all these nonverbal signals to indicate what type of mindset this individual has, what type authority the individual has, etc. You'll also note what also conveys the fact that this individual is reprimanding this person is the wide eyed look that he has on his face. It's like, I see you and I want to see more of you, so you can see more of what it is that I'm actually saying to you. Do you understand? You can almost feel that from a kinesthetic perspective. Slide 20 Contrast this look, just pause and hold this look in your mind for a moment with this individual and note the eyes of this individual versus the eyes in this particular individual. Almost the exact same gesture but this picture denotes anger and it's more expressive. Again, in the eyes, the person is literally Page 12 of 23

13 narrowing the eyes to gain additional focus on the subject to whom he is projecting his demeanor. Again, the eyes can give you a lot of insight into what someone's mindset happens to be and the difference between reprimand and anger. This particular situation happens to be the focus of the eyes of the individuals that's displaying the type of demeanor that's being conveyed. If you see this type of anger being conveyed, you can almost assume that it is naturally being genuine as opposed to something someone is trying to create...let's say a red herring during negotiations. In a negotiation, red herrings are used to actually convey one s sentiment and/or manipulate someone down a path upon which there may be peril only to have that individual extracted from that environment by offering that person some form of a saving grace. That's to say, if you don't take this option, if you don't accept this, there'll be a lot worse waiting for you if you go down that path. If on the other hand you accept what it is that I'm proposing, I'll have relief for you or another strategy you could employ is to allow that individual to walk down that other path. While that person starts to sense the anxiety that you know will be bestowed upon that individual...once that anger is...or once that angst has befallen the individual you can then, as a strategy, come back. Either take one of the sweeteners off of the pile that you offered the individual initially, so as to convey the fact that, Okay, if you don't accept it now, you won't have as good of an offer as I initially offered you and it will just get worse. Not as good as it was initially the longer you actually wait. So there are many different ways that you can convey not only a particular sentiment to negotiation via your body language but you can also utilize strategies such as red herrings which I spoke about a moment ago to actually convey the fact that one individual needs to move down one particular track as opposed to another. Slide 21 Greg. Yes, Pat? I heard red herrings used in the context that you're describing as throw away points - things that are really not important in the negotiation and you may make a big deal of it but it's because you want to deflect attention away from a point that's really important to you. So a person may concede on the red herring and that gives you more power to push what you're really interested in. Page 13 of 23

14 And that is yet another way that red herrings can definitely be used. Because you can also create a red herring out of something that is of value to the person with whom you're negotiating that really doesn't have a whole lot of value to you and make a big to do out of that thing. So hypothetically if someone said they wanted a hundred thousand dollars for a function that they performed or a service or a product that they were actually selling and you said, Look, I can only give you seventy-five thousand dollars for it and they go, I don't know if I could take seventy-five thousand dollars and you say something along the lines of, Well, I can do seventy-five thousand right now but if you wait until a month and a half from now I might be able to give you a hundred thousand dollars. Okay, then all of a sudden you've created this image in that person's mind of, Okay, now I have time. Is my time more valuable and thus I might get a hundred thousand dollars if I wait a month and a half? What can I lose? Because there's something called a loss of opportunity, the cost of the loss of opportunity and that means while you're doing one thing you can't do another. So in this particular situation the red herring would be time. So you want that individual to concede whether or not time of waiting an extra month and a half for the extra twenty-five thousand dollars would be worth it. Meanwhile you could care less. You're willing to pay the person a hundred thousand dollars but in a negotiation you always have to test any offer and thus using a red herring in this particular manner gives you insight into whether or not that individual values time more so than the extra twenty-five thousand dollars. Does that highlight the red herring, Pat? Slide 22 Yes, thank you for the clarification. Oh, you re more than welcome. Now we're talking about giving someone the finger and we'll just elaborate just a little bit more. Observe how this individual is giving the finger, as it were. This person is being very submissive and somewhat tentative when he is literally raising his hand asking for your permission, asking for you to actually recognize him. So again, it goes back to what I was saying a moment ago about how the finger is actually given, what the gesture actually means. Understand all gestures do not mean the same thing to all people and thus again it goes back to establishing that foundation to understand what's conveyed means to that individual. You can interpret it when they're in a nonthreatening environment and then when they're in a more stressful environment/negotiation environment. Look at this particular hand signal. Boy, oh boy, oh boy, remember what I said about the hand on the shoulder being controlling? This finger which came from a recent debate is a depiction of the fact that as you see in this case, it happens to be two presidential candidates. Romney is on the left, Perry is Page 14 of 23

15 on the right and Romney has his hand on Perry's shoulder. Perry is actually saying through his body language gesture, Wait a minute, hold on, back up. You can see all of that in that one nanosecond snapshot of the actions as depicted in this particular picture. What I'm conveying is take note when you're in a negotiation...take note when you're in any environment exactly how hand signals are being used and utilized to actually convey sentiment and how you are perceiving them and thus being motivated by the usage of them. Slide 23 Is this person in an arrogant state of mind? Very well could be. He's using somewhat of a different steepling type of hand gesture whereby it's just the two fingers. He also very assured of himself to the degree that if you look at the smug look on his face, it's one that says, I'm in control, I have this environment well in hand. No pun intended and you'll note that he's literally resting the steepled fingers on his two elbows. He's not hiding anything at this particular point in time. He's somewhat open, guardedly, simply because again the arms are open but at the same time the hands are slightly blocking his gesture. Any time you see a gesture of that nature it could also mean that the person is while being arrogant is being guarded because he does not want to necessarily let you into his total mindset. Hey, does this state arrogance or not? You see the primping. You see the puffing out of the chest in a manner that says, I'm pulling my garb...my clothing out which is another form of puffing up his chest. He is expanding if you wish, taking up more space if you wish. He is displaying the fact that again, Not only am I in control but I know I've got this. Any questions? You know, that's what this picture is actually stating as this individual is committing this gesture. Slide 24 I think the caption says it all in this particular picture. If the words, Just try and stop me were not being displayed you could tell by the smug look on this individual's face and this individual just happens to be a former politician that again he has this situation not only well in hand but he thinks very highly of himself in this particular situation. When you're confronted by such during negotiation you might take a moment to literally pause and by that I mean, not say a word and then observe how the gesture changes. If the individual persists in conveying this gesture even while you're pausing, he is displaying the fact that he's more self assured than what may be initially thought of as being his situation. If on the other hand his demeanor changes to one whereby he literally deflates in front of you, that's to say the shoulders start to sag a little bit or the facial expression turns into a frown or smile, that is an indication that the Page 15 of 23

16 individual has relinquished that prior gesture that he was maintaining. You have motivated him to do so just based on the fact that you didn't say a word, didn't say a word, and didn t say anything at all. There was just this natural interaction via nonverbal communication that said, You may think you have everything under control but I don't perceive you as such. All of those conveyances are made without even saying a word. All done through body language. Quick Poll Pat, do we have another question for our listeners, our viewers, our audience? We do. We have a polling question for you. So on the screen in front of you, you will see a question: What do crossed arms mean? And you can click directly with your mouse on your choice, either a, b or c. After you have a chance to vote then I will close the poll and I will share the results with Greg. So please take a minute to think about that question and give us your answer. Okay and while they're doing that, Pat, crossed arms are a confused perception of mind. Many people are confused by the perception that crossed arms convey and a lot of times, again...and I'll keep reiterating this. One needs to go back to exactly how one uses crossed arms in a nonthreatening environment and then how one uses them in a threatening environment. Then you can discern exactly what the crossed arms mean and the intention of their meaning at any point in time during the negotiation. Have we given our responders enough time, Pat? Slide 25 We have and everyone voted and 100% of the people selected the answer, It depends. Ah, very good. Actually we have some very astute people with us today and it really does depend. There are times when people cross their arms simply because that's comfortable for them at that particular moment in times. There are other times though when someone will cross her arms and she will be conveying the fact that she's not open. Literally she has shut down or she's gone into contemplation mode at a particular phase in the negotiation. One way that you can also glean additional information as to what crossed arms really mean is by observing some of the other characteristics being displayed by the body. That's to say, if you look at this person's facial features you can see that he's in a nonsmiling mode. You can also see that one foot happens to be in front of the other while the legs are slightly apart. This Page 16 of 23

17 person while standing in this position has conveyed the fact that, I don't believe everything that I'm hearing right now. I think I may have to do something else. What I may have to concede on may be detrimental to me. What I just offer you may be a situation that's close to take it or leave it. All of those can be sentiments that are conveyed through the crossed arms but again you have to understand the full body perspective as it projects that particular thought process in order to truly understand what is going on in this individual's mind. One other thing that you can also ask the individual while you're negotiating with him or her when they have crossed arms is - let's say this gentleman had a ring on his left hand. As it is, he doesn't but for a moment let's imagine he did. You could state or ask him a question such as, Oh wow, that's a nice ring...where is it from? Ask anything about the ring. If it happens to be a college ring, ask where's it from or what school did you go to or something of that nature and observe what the person does. You can literally reach for that particular hand and if the person uncrosses his arms so as to display the ring on his finger, you can make some comments, some small type of comment about the ring or etc., etc. Then observe what the person does after you have done so. If the person goes right back into crossed arms mode, you then have insight that the person still may be closed minded. If the person doesn't smile, once again that's an indication that the person is still in a crossed mode environment and that person's demeanor is more genuine at that particular point in time, that's to say accurate about the person's inner thought process, it might otherwise be the case. Slide 26 Verbal communication styles. We all communicate in different manners at different points and times. Some people happen to be more visual. So when you're talking to someone that's visual, it would behoove you if you wanted to bond with that individual to speak in the same modality. A person that is speaking from a visual perspective may say something along the lines of, Oh, I see what you mean. In such a case and you want to bond with that person or continue the bonding process you might say something along the lines of, Oh yes, that looks good to me too. In so doing you're making sure that both of you are speaking from the same perspective and have...no pun intended, the same outlook about a particular situation. What about auditory? How does that sound to you? Well, that sounds good to me. Again, if a person's speaking from an auditory perspective you've matched the modality so as to make sure that the two of you are listening, hearing the same things that the two of you are actually speaking. If by chance you want to break that modality because you don't like what you have just heard, you may say something along the lines of, (sigh) I see what you mean but I don't...i don't think that looks too good or that doesn't look right to me. Page 17 of 23

18 Now you've broken the modality and in so doing you have conveyed the fact that you literally are not on the same page, you're not in agreement, etc., etc. And again that's a verbal message that you've conveyed but at the same time it's one whereby you can utilize this as a strategy in a negotiation to actually match modalities, break modalities and move that other individual in the mindset that you would have him or her move towards in order to enhance the negotiation process from your perspective. Okay. You have visual, you have auditory and you also have kinesthetic. Some people will use the expression, Oh I see what you're saying and if someone says that to you, it's like okay...so what perspective are they actually speaking from. They're speaking from a kinetic perspective. If once again you understand that somebody is speaking from a kinesthetic perspective and they're saying something like, That feels right for me, you can say something along the lines of, That feels good to me also. Now again it just highlights the fact that when you're speaking from the same modality you're literally looking at a situation from the same perspective. If you wish to break the conveyance of that, you speak from another modality or respond from different modality. Okay, moving right along. Pat...okay, I was getting ready to say my system just froze up but is not the case. Slide 27 What's the perception that you have when you're really negotiating with someone? It really is determined rather by a lot of different factors that actually occur. There are times when you will perceive things differently simply because of the amount of rest you've had. Differently simply because of the environmental - the cost of something that you've incurred to get to the location within you're negotiating. Different because the environment in which you're negotiating is not as comfortable as one that otherwise would be the case; but in reality you always have to take into consideration how your perception is being altered based on not only the environment that you're in, based on the perception that you have but in so doing take into consideration the same thing of the other individual. They are and will be motivated as you will be too by different surroundings, different stimulations, different environments that convey all kinds of different sentiments, verbal and non-verbally. Therefore you have to make sure that you understand what's going on in your environment, so as to accurately describe to yourself why you're reacting a certain way in a certain situation and why the other individual may be doing the exact same thing. Slide 28 Pat, I would like to request that your listeners, all the responders that are with us today, our audience members observe either the bird on the right or the bird on the left. The bird on the left is green. The one on the right is red. Look, Page 18 of 23

19 I mean literally, just look at either bird for about twenty seconds and then I want you to tell me what color the bird in the cage happens to be. Can you ask your audience to do that, please Pat, and then tell us what color the bird is in the cage... Sure.... and whether or not they even see a bird? Thank you. Well I hope that they're seeing two birds, Greg. If not, we have a different issue. Yeah, isn't that the truth, boy oh boy. You know, while you're doing that, Pat, I'll just elaborate a little bit more. I talked about perception a moment ago based on what you have been through, what it is that you expect and what it is that you think the other individual with whom you're negotiating perceives. In a lot of different situations you may actually see one thing simply because you expect to see it. While there may be things right in front of you that you are oblivious to, you'll miss it. This particular slide is a highlighter of that particular verbiage and it will go to point out exactly to what degree you happen to be astute about your environment just for this particular situation. Okay, Pat, and your audience members have said? Alright. Please fill in your answer. I have an answer that the bird in the cage is sky blue after the individual looked at the red bird. Okay. And I am waiting for other people to respond. Why don't you proceed while we're gathering more answers, Greg. Okay, I will do so, for sure. Now, if you just look at the cage one would say...there's no bird in that cage, Greg. You're going cagey yourself. But to the person who said, Oh, there's a blue bird in the cage, that happens to be the blue bird of happiness and you know how the song goes, or whatever be the case. But the point is, there is no bird in the cage, except to the person perceiving one. Now that may sound like a whole lot of mumbo jumbo or whatever but it goes back to your perception again. To the person that said there was a blue bird in the cage, yeah, you're absolutely right. What happens is, as that person looked at the red bird and then focused on the cage, by staring at the red bird, there did appear to be a blue bird in the cage. Had she looked at the green bird for approximately twenty seconds, you would have observed somewhat of a pink bird being in Page 19 of 23

20 the cage. Again, right in front of you, you might think there's nothing in the cage but upon a close examination based on the environment around the cage you saw something altogether different. That's exactly how a negotiation is. There are things all around you all the time to the degree that you perceive things that may even be just supposed. You will see different things in a negotiation. Slide 29 Okay. When you're in a negotiation, there are all kinds of aspects that go on that give you insight into what's actually occurring. You can listen for what's not said. Somebody once said to me, Greg, how can you hear something that's not said? Well if I was you and all this [silence] you. You could still make out what I was saying. Now there was nothing wrong with what you just heard. All I said was if you [silence] you [silence] you [silence] could [silence] make out what I was saying. You could still fill in the gaps of what was missing in that particular situation, to a degree. You have had to listen to it twice but nevertheless you could to a degree hear what was not said. In a negotiation there are times when silence will speak very loudly and as such it will give you greater insight by not hearing a certain word or phrase or an offer or counteroffer into what is really going on in that individual's mind. When we're talking about listening and hearing what's not said, you can also listen for a change in how someone speaks. That's to say that if I all of a sudden started to speak a lot faster than I was prior, you'd know that something was going on in my mindset that caused me to all of a sudden to ramp my voice up, my tonality and everything else. If on the other hand I started to slow down, I might indicate that I'm in reflective mode and be thinking more about what you're saying. If on the other hand (breathe) you all of a sudden noticed (breathe) that I was (breathe) laboring as I was breathing, you might suspect that you have laid a heavy, heavy thought on my mind. It was being conveyed through my body language and yes, I need oxygen because this is a thought that is really, really something that I really need to contemplate. The point of the matter is, just think about how different conveyances are being perceived by yourself and the individual with whom you're negotiating to gather additional insight into where their mind set happens to be. Slide 30 Listening, always be cautious. Never ever, ever allow yourself to be so captivated by someone's words, someone's mannerisms, someone s dress, someone s style of negotiation that you're drawn into their demeanor and thus you are manipulated by how it is that they convey their sentiments. Watch exactly how things are framed. If I say to you, If this doesn't occur you're going to be in serious trouble, right away I'm setting you up to perceive danger. Some form of detriment is going to occur as opposed to, Wow, hey, Page 20 of 23

21 if you take this path things are going to be wonderful. You will be so excited and happy with the outcome of this, you'll just love all the benefits that you'll experience until you try and go down this path. I framed those two issues differently based on how I wanted you to actually feel about what it is that I was offering you and/or about to offer you. So when a situation is framed consider what the intent of the framing of that issue happens to be and what type of emotional state it is trying to put you into. Slide 31 I have a question, Greg, that goes along those lines from one of our listeners who asked if she should be in an open position when you are listening? Well it depends on what you wish to convey. If you want to convey that you believe you're in sync with what it is that you're hearing you might display an open position, an opening positioning. If on the other hand you want to convey the fact that...ah, you're somewhat skeptical or reserved you might actually have your arms crossed at that particular point and time. If on the other hand you wanted to take from that individual that was displaying that gesture...that authority away, you might go into a steepling position. So again, it depends on how you wish to be perceived based on the gesture that's being committed towards you. Okay? Slide 32 Thank you. You're welcome. Miscommunication occurs in a lot of situations simply because two people may be sensing something that's conveyed through someone's body language and at the same time misperceiving it. You may be in a situation whereby you're not truly - let's say on par with what you think you're perceiving from the other individual. Stop and ask that individual and if they truly meant what you thought you saw, what you thought you heard, what you thought you actually felt and in so doing you will abort miscommunications to the degree that they will not have a greater impact on the negotiation than they would have. Mistrust always occurs when people are negotiating to a degree. And I say that to say, people have the thought that whenever one negotiates, they're negotiating for the best interests they have at heart. Sometimes that can occur in the form of a wasted motion, uncertainty but if you capture the gestures that communicate miscommunications in a negotiation, you can be more aligned with the outcomes that you're seeking for the negotiation. And thus Page 21 of 23

22 you will be better prepared to address any type of concessions that actually occur during the negotiation process. Slide 33 Slide 34 Reading body language. Pat, ask the listeners, how many dots do they actually see in this particular slide, please. Alright. Please fill in your answer in the answer box. Okay and I know that I've asked audiences around the world about the dots that they actually have seen on this grid and I get all kinds of answers. And to the degree you actually see a certain number of dots, you will win a prize. Pat, have we got some responses? I have thirty-five. Okay. I have another person here with thirty-five. I have another person who says the dots keep changing. Ah. They keep changing color. Okay. Fast moving little buggers. Guess what. That's exactly what a negotiation is like. It's ever changing; it's very fluid and to those that answered, your answers were correct because it's your perception. Once again in a negotiation as things change on the fly you have to be adaptable in order to recognize a change has occurred and thus utilize the right negotiation tactic and strategy at that particular point in time. By being able to read and discern body language signals accurately you'll have greater tools by which you can make a negotiation progress down the path that you would have it progress and be more successful in your negotiation efforts. Right now, Pat, we can talk about some body language just that one should always be very observant of...you can watch the feet to get insight. When feet are pointed towards one another in an engagement, the two participants are engaged wholeheartedly. When a foot turns one direction versus another, that person is usually beginning to disengage. Page 22 of 23

23 We talked about open and closed gestures already and the value that they add to any negotiation along with one that is evaluated in this situation. When somebody's bored, we always know what boredom looks like. If you're negotiating with someone or if you're just talking to them and you sense that they're bored, set them free. You've already lost them mentally as it were and to linger means that you are being disrespectful of their environment at that particular point in time. You will run the chance of not being able to get more of what it is that you want if you persist in doing so. Agreement always looks like shaking of the head: Yes, yes, I'm in agreement with you. Smiles are usually accompanied with such a gesture. When you see those particular gestures you also know that you're at a point whereby everything is going great. You can test it by asking the question, Are you really as happy as you appear to be? And if the response comes back, Yes, in a cheerful manner with the smile still being displayed, you know that you are truly in a mindset whereby you can continue down the path that you're on. If by chance you want to learn more about how to read and use body language when negotiating, and I just talked about five quick gestures, there ought to be eleven that are highlighted in this DVD video. You can go to and just invest in yourself as you invest in your future. Okay, Pat. This slide happens to be of some of the items that are offer...or offered to enhance one's negotiation environment and to increase one's ability to read the body language. Slide 35 So Pat, with that I'd like to thank you for giving me the opportunity to actually talk about how to read body language. Thank you very much, Pat. Thank you so much, Greg. This concludes our program. As you exit the program you will see an evaluation form pop up on your screen. Please share that feed back and let us know your comments about the program and thank you for joining us today. Bye, bye. Bye all. Page 23 of 23

24 11/8/2011 How To Read : Negotiation Strategies to Get What You Want Greg Williams The Master Negotiator Greg@TheMasterNegotiator.com You get what you deserve in life, based on your ability to negotiate. Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 2 Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 3 1

25 11/8/2011 Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 4 Detecting Lies The eyes have it! pole Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 5 Understanding Bias Hand Shake Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 6 2

26 11/8/2011 Hand Shake Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 7 Hand Shake Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 8 Hand Shake Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 9 3

27 11/8/2011 Hand Signals Steeple Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 10 Hand Signals Steeple Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 11 Hand Signals Shoulder = Control/Superior Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator

28 11/8/2011 Hand Signals Shoulder = Control/Superior Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 13 Hand Signals Contemplation Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 14 Hand Signals Concession and Closed Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator

29 11/8/2011 Hand Signals Open Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 16 Hand Signals Open But Guarded Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 17 Hand Signals Closed and Guarded Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator

30 11/8/2011 Giving Someone The Finger Inquisitive/Reflective Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 19 Giving Someone The Finger Reprimand Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 20 Giving Someone The Finger Anger Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator

31 11/8/2011 Giving Someone The Finger Seeking Permission Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 22 Hand Signals and the Finger Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 23 Arrogance Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator

32 11/8/2011 Arrogance Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 25 Arrogance Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 26 Arrogance Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator

33 11/8/2011 Crossed Arms Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 28 Verbal Communication Styles Visual Auditory Kinesthetic Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 29 Perception In a negotiation, perception is reality! Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator

34 11/8/2011 Perception What color is the bird in the cage? Look at Red or Green Bird for 20 seconds and then the cage. Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 31 Listening Listen for what s not said Listen for change in pace Listen for labored breathing Nephew Tommy Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 32 Listening Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator

35 11/8/2011 Listening Be cautious about being drawn in giving too much info Watch how issues are framed emotions stay calm ways to relieve tension Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 34 Miscommunications That s not what I meant! Miscommunications Mistrust Wasted Time And Motion Uncertainty 12

36 11/8/2011 Read Be alert to negotiation environment! How many black objects/dots do you see? Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator 37 How to Read and Use 5 of 11 Gestures To Observe Watch the feet Open/Closed Evaluation Boredom Agreement Greg Williams The Master Negotiator 38 (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) Invest In Yourself/Order Form (1) Bestselling Book Negotiate: Afraid, Know More (Book)... $20 (1) Bestselling Book Negotiate: Afraid, Know More (Audio Version, vol 1 & 2) $39 (2) Audio Become a Better Negotiator A NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) Become a better negotiator while you rest or sleep, through positive reinforcement $19 (3) Audio Men and Women do it differently Negotiate that is! Enhance your negotiation powers by knowing how and why men and women negotiate differently... $29 (4) Audio Winning Negotiation Strategies Using and Physiognomics $39 Discover the art of detecting Temperament and Character from Outward Appearance... (5) Video (DVD) How to Read and Use When Negotiating What was really meant when she said yes, but shook her head no? Learn how to interpret body language and become a savior negotiator! This DVD, shows you how to interpret body language (nonverbal signals) to understand what s really on someone s mind.... $49 (6) Audio CD set (with Transcripts) Negotiate Your Way To Riches Do you want to be more successful in life? Would you like to have more money, more prestige, more respect, and more opportunities? Imagine what it would be like to have others looking up to you! How can you achieve all of this by becoming a stronger, savvier, negotiator! This CD set will teach you how to Negotiate Your Way To Riches! $149 Smart Negotiator Bundle Get all of the above for just $299 (That s a $45 savings off the individual prices) Greg Williams, The Master Negotiator