!!! BRAIN SNACKS. Fast%Food% for% Your%Mind% !!! Karl!Albrecht!

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2 BRAIN SNACKS Fast%Food% for% Your%Mind% KarlAlbrecht

3 Publication+Metadata:+ Brain%Snacks:%Fast%Food%for%Your%Mind% 2015,KarlAlbrecht.Allrightsreserved. 240pp. ISBN:0>913351>33>4 EAN:978> EyeThink Books is an imprint of Karl Albrecht International. Portions of this book have appeared in other publications, copyrighted by or licensed by Karl Albrecht.

4 The Front Matter is in the Back Mostpeoplejustskipthatstuffanyway,solet sgetrighttowork. If you get that far, you ll see the usual Introduction, the author s philosophicaldiatribe,etc.there snopreface,notableofcontents and no index, because I want you to discover the various brain snacksinthisbookonebyone. Here syourfirstsnack. Selfies: So, What s New? Selfies are nothing new. Artists have been painting self>portraits forcenturies.there'sacatch,though thatselfieofrembrandtis not what he looked like. It's how he saw himself in a mirror backwards.thatbumpontheleftsideofhisnosewasactuallyon theright. SameforVanGoghandalltheothers. Trythiswithyoursmart phone.takeaselfie,flipitleft>to>right, and send it to your friends. See how many of them spot the difference. Or, send both versions and ask them to tell you which is the normaloneandwhichisreversed. Multi-Tasking: What's the Big Deal? Kidstodaybragaboutmulti>tasking.Myneighbor,who's83,says, "What's the big deal about multi>tasking? I've been doing it for years.icansneeze,cough,belch,fart,andpeeatthesametime." 1

5 Partly Baked Idea (PBI) # 1: What Shall We Name the Baby? These days, advertisers try to place their commercials in every conceivable spot where they might get attention. One popular strategyistobuy"namingrights"tosomewell>knownpublicplace suchasasportstadium,aracetrack,oraconferencecenter. Theobviousextensionofthis,ofcourse,isnamingbabies.Ifyou needtobuildupalittleextracashflow,andyouhaveababyonthe way,whynotsellnamingrightsforyourchild? Thinkofthepossibilities: your kid will be telling everybody "My name is Verizon Williams," or "Hi, I'm Nabisco Jones." Or, I m BudweiserBarnes youcancallme Bud. Allthroughtheirlives they'll be advertising their sponsors every time they answer a phone,sendan ,signacheck,orfilloutaform.theyshould getpaidforit. Cometothinkofit,whynotselltherightstothefamilyname?You might be able to get a good package price. Meet John and Mary Citibank,andthelittleCitibanks. Or,maybenot... How Big is a Blue Whale? Big. Reallybig. Really,really,reallybig. The blue whale (Balaenoptera% musculus) is the largest existing creatureonearth,andprobablytheheaviestanimalthathasever existed. A typical adult will grow to more than 100 feet long and weigh almost 200 tons. That outweighs the largest dinosaurs ever discoveredbyabouttwo>to>one. Bluewhalescruiseatabout12milesperhour,anddashatspeeds upto30milesperhour. A blue whale's lung capacity is typically about 1300 gallons, equivalent to the gas tank capacity of over 100 passenger cars. Whenitexhales,itblowsaspoutupto40feethigh. 2

6 WithaheartaboutthesizeofaVolkswagenandweighing1,000 pounds or more, its primary aortic vessel is over 9 inches in diameter. The whale's tongue alone typically weighs as much as 3 tons. Opened fully, its mouth can hold about 100 tons of water and prey.butdespiteitshugemouthvolume,ittypicallycan'tswallow any one object much larger than a beach ball. It feeds almost entirely on krill, tiny sea creatures that it scoops up in huge quantities.onewhalemayconsumeasmuchas4tonsofkrillper day. Whenfeeding,abluewhalecandivemorethan300feetdeepin pursuitofkrill,andcanstaydownforaslongas10>20minutes. Bluewhalescanstoreover90percentoftheenergytheytakein, stockingupfatforthelongmigrationstoandfromtheirbreeding grounds. Ababybluewhalealreadyweighsabout3tonsatbirth aboutthe sameasafull>grownhippopotamus,anditmightbeaslongas25 feet.that'sbyfarthelargestanimaleverproducedbylivebirth. Abluewhale mothertypicallyproducesover gallonsof milkperdaytofeedhercalf.thecalfwillinitiallyputonweightat therateofabout200poundsevery24hours. The mother continues to feed the baby for about 6 months, by whichtimeitwillhavegrowntodoubleitssizeatbirth. Amalebluewhalehasoneofthesmallestbrainsforitssizeofany animal about15pounds butthelargestpenisofanyanimal upto10feetlong. "Thethreegreatrequirementsforahappylifeare: somethingtodo,somethingtolove,andsomethingtohope for." ~%Joseph%Addison,%British%essayist% 3

7 Nitwitticisms # 1 "Whenmoreandmorepeoplearethrownoutofwork, unemploymentresults." ~%U.S.%President%Calvin%Coolidge% "Thevastmajorityofourimportscomefromoutsidethe country." ~%U.S.%President%George%W.%Bush% "Outsideofthekillings,Washingtonhasoneofthelowest crimeratesinthecountry." ~%Mayor%Marion%Barry%of%Washington,%D.C.% Question:Ifyoucouldliveforever,wouldyou andwhy? Answer:"Iwouldnotliveforever,becauseweshouldnotlive forever,becauseifweweresupposedtoliveforever,thenwe wouldliveforever,butwecannotliveforever,whichiswhyi wouldnotliveforever." ~%Miss%Alabama,%in%1994%Miss%Universe%contest% "God'slike,socool.Thinkofthecoolestpersoninyourlife.He madethatperson.andhe'scoolerthanthat." ~%Actress%Justine%Bateman% "Whyishenotlearningorleaningsobutsolittle,withmyhelp. Howcomeshispastteachershavebeenpassinghimfrom gradetogradewithouttheadvancingorprogressing academicly.iwillliketoknowwhatiscausingthemental blockage." ~%Brooklyn,%NY%elementary%school%teacher's%student%evaluation% "Upyourbottoms." ~%Chinese%host,%toasting%American%diplomats% "Upyours,too." ~%American%diplomats,%returning%the%toast% 4

8 Thinking About Thinking ThomasEdisonsaid, "Fivepercentofpeoplethink. Anothertenpercentthinktheythink. Andtheothereighty>fivepercentwouldsoonerdiethanthink." (Abitharsh,maybe ormaybenot.) GeorgeBernardShawsaid, "Mostpeopleonlythinkafewtimesintheirlives.I'vemadean internationalreputationformyselfbythinkingtwoorthreetimes aweek." TheBritishstatesmanHoraceWalpolesaid, "Theworldisatragedytothosewhofeel,andacomedytothose whothink." Charles Kettering, the American inventor and automotive genius, said, "Humanbeingsaresoconstitutedastoseewhat'swrongwitha newidea,notwhat'sright.toverifythis,youhaveonlytosubmita newideatoacommittee.theywillobliterate90percentof rightnessforthesakeof10percentofwrongness.thepossibilitya newideaopensuparenotrecognized,becausenotone[person]in athousandhasimagination." AlbertEinsteinsaid, "Ifearthedaythattechnologywillsurpassourhumaninteraction. Theworldwillhaveagenerationofidiots." TenzinGyatso,the14 th DalaiLama,said, "Whocansaywhichwillmoreimportantintheend:landingonthe moon,orunderstandingthehumanmind?" 5

9 Don't Dis' the King I llbetyulbrynnerwouldn'thaveputupwithit,either. "WhateverextramoneyIevergot,Ispentonbooks. Iftherewasanyleftover,Iboughtfood." ~%John%Adams,%2 nd %U.S.%President% "All My Files, Lord..." I'mtoldthatJapaneseversionsofWindowsoffermorepoliteerror messages than the English versions. Apparently they prefer a haikustyle,inthepoeticthree>lineform. Likethese,forinstance: A file that big? It might be very useful. But now it is gone. Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that. The Web site you seek cannot be located but endless others exist. Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return. 6

10 ABORTED effort: Close all that you have. You ask way too much. First snow, then silence. This thousand dollar screen dies so beautifully. With searching comes loss and the presence of absence: "My Novel" not found. Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams. Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire. The network is down. A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone. Three things are certain: Death, taxes, and lost data. You may guess which has occurred. You step in the stream, but the water has moved on. This page is not here. Having been erased, The document you're seeking Must now be retyped. 7

11 Rather than a beep Or a rude error message, These words: "File not found." Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared. Screen. Mind. Both are blank. Have You Written Your Epitaph Yet? Ifyouhaven'tcomposedyourepitaphyet,maybeit'stimetoget goingonit.youwouldn'twanttoleavesuchanimportantmessage whatpeoplemightthinkaboutyouforahundredyearsormore to a bunch of unqualified amateurs, would you? Lord knows whatsentimentaldrivelorlameclichéstheymightinflictonyou. I'mstillworkingonmine.Ihaveitnarroweddowntoahalf>dozen or so possibilities, and I'll be sure to pick the final one before I ascendtothenextplaneofexistence. Ofcourse,therecouldbeaproblemwithanepitaph:whatifthey cremateyouinsteadofburyyou?dotheyputyourepitaphonthe urnthatyourashescomein?or,shouldyouorderacemeteryplot andaheadstone,justtomakesurepeopleseeyourepitaph?these areimportantlifequestions,folks. Ithought itwouldbeaniceservicetomyreaderstoofferafew thought>provoking examples, something to get y'all started thinking.hereareafewofmyfavorites. Someofthebiggestnamesinhistoryhadfairlysimpleandmodest departingwords.forexample, Will% Shakespeare wrote his own epitaph, inscribed on the stone coveringhiscryptintheoldtrinitychurch,inhisnativetownof StratfordUponAvon(forgivethehistoricalspelling): GOODFRENDFORJESUSSAKEFORBEARE, TODIGGTHEDUSTENCLOASEDHEARE BLESTBETHEMANTHATSPARESTHESSTONES, ANDCURSTBEHETHATMOVESMYBONES. 8

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