THANKSGIVING SALMON. A play in two Acts. Jessica Lee

Transcription

1 THANKSGIVING SALMON A play in two Acts by Jessica Lee Copyright W Jones St. By Jessica Lee Savannah, GA 31401

2 Cast of Characters Cindy: An eccentric Southern lady, 57. Viva Lee: Cindy s mother, 79. Wilbur: Cindy s father, Viva Lee s husband, 83. Tara: Cindy s older daughter, 23. Jack: Tara s boyfriend, 24. Linna: Cindy s younger daughter, 19. Chad: Linna s ex-boyfriend, 23. Paul: Cindy s ex-husband, the girls father, 55. Cindy s home in Bartow, Florida. Scene Thanksgiving, present. Time

3 ACT I I-1-1 Scene 1 SETTING: AT RISE: There are two rooms of Cindy s house that we can see- the kitchen and the living room. The front door opens into the living room and the dining table is in the living room. The kitchen has a counter top with stools. Thanksgiving morning 11 a.m., Cindy prepares a casserole in the kitchen with a telephone pressed against her ear. The chord is ridiculously long. (On the phone) Good Lord, you tell those doctors I don t like it when they cut up my friends without warning. He made the appointment? Damn Billy. Give him a bottle of Riesling. No drinking? What kinda doctor s he seeing? (Tara enters with a hatbox.) Mamma? I m home, Mamma. Tara! Sugar, I have to go; my baby s home. Tara, honey! Hush up, I ll see you Sunday morning. I ll remember the spinach woman, have I ever forgotten? (Cindy hangs up the phone and rushes to hug Tara.) Mamma! Tara, baby! It s so good having you home! Good being here.

4 Lord almighty, you got so tall, or maybe I got short. I-1-2 It s only been a few months. (Cindy holds Tara an arms length away.) Too long! You re like a twig in the wind, what you been eating? Mamma. I know men like bones showing, but that s no way to treat yourself. Mamma, I ve been eating normal. Tofu ain t normal. I eat chicken, too. (Jack enters with two suitcases. Cindy gives him a hard look.) Mrs. er Ms. Harden - Sugar, call me Cindy. Yes, Ms. Cindy. It s a pleasure to meet you. (Cindy rushes for a hug. Jack is taken by surprise.)

5 I-1-3 Heavens child, I m not your mother-in-law. You re so nervous I can almost hear you shaking. What ve you been telling him about me, Tara, honey? Mamma. I m just- Something smells delicious. That d be the turkey. Been roasting it since six. This is my first time doing Thanksgiving without Well, anyway, I checked the weather report and it said there was precipitation over Texas. Your flight must have been rough. Lord knows I prayed when I saw the tracker go through that purple cloud. It was bumpy. The man in front of us spilled his wine. They serve wine on Tundra Air? (Cindy pulls a bottle of wine out of a cabinet.) Mamma! Is that water? Jesus made wine out of water. It s eleven a.m.! And you know what God said? Well done, Jesus. (Cindy pours three glasses.)

6 It s too early. I-1-4 Look who became the city slickin stick in the mud. C mon Jack, humor an old woman. You re not old. He s a keeper. Taraaa, have a toast with your deal ole mum. Just one. Yes! Oh. Then we re waiting until lunch. To bottles, blunders, and booze. (Reluctantly) And wildly, wooted woohoos. Cheers? Woohoo! (Linna bursts in the front door. She wears a bedazzled tank top and cut-offs with cowboy boots.) Hey, Mom! I just got offa my shift, sorry if I smell like (She notices Jack) meat.

7 Hi. I m Jack, Tara s boyfriend. I-1-5 Oh, hoo! Now I know why Tara s kept you all to herself. What kind of uniform is that? You re sa-sa-samoking! Tar, FYI this goes under my uniform. Ey, Mom, hand me a bottle whoops, I mean glass. (She winks at Jack. He squirms.) This is Jack. I check your Facebook. A formal introduction is nice. I am Linna. Greetings Jack, what a pleasure it is to meet you. Really? You said introductions. Tara, it s okay. Hi, Linna. I ve heard good things. That s a surprise. Where you from? Somewhere in the mountains?

8 I know it starts with a C. Connecticut. Doesn t sound right. I-1-6 Yeah. I thought it was California. Connecticut. Colorado? Corning? That s a city in New York. (Cindy pours flour into a bowl. Not measuring.) They flew in from JFK. Seriously, Connecticut. I give up. (To Cindy) Need a hand in the kitchen? Jack looks like he could handle heavy lifting. (Jack stands.) I m happy to help. Sit your butt back down. (Jack sits.)

9 But that flour bag looks so heavy. I-1-7 (Jack stands.) Let me. In my house, guests do not work. (Jack sits.) You can set our bags in my room upstairs. (Jack stands.) Okay. Our bags? Her room? No fair! They re not sleeping together. (He goes to the living room.) I m not stupid. (Jack is back in the kitchen, bags in hand.) So, I m going upstairs? First door on the left. (Jack exits.) (Calling) Second door on the left!

10 Okay. (Calling) I-1-8 That s Linna s room. Babe! (Tara and Linna glare. Cindy pulls them into one hug.) It s good to have you back. (Viva Lee and Wilbur enter.) Yoohoo! Grandma! Pappi! and (Tara and Linna go for hugs.) Mom, Dad it s good to see you! It s been a few weeks. Hug circles, that how affections are expressed now? Not really. It wasn t our idea. What? Simultaneous hugging saves time. Tara, you look like a real business woman. Thanks, Pappi. I m trying a new

11 Check out my new phone. It s all touchscreen. I-1-9 No buttons? Just to lock. That s great, sweetie. (Wilbur brings out a flip phone.) We were going to give you but I guess you don t need it. That s ancient! Where did you find a flippy? Flippy floppy? (To Cindy) Does he mean flip flops? Don t try. Cindy, dear, you re not finished with lunch? Just about to pop the pie in the oven. (Viva Lee follows Cindy into the kitchen and dons an apron.) You re just so scatter brained ever since Paul left, bless your heart. Grandma s here now, don t worry.

12 Thank you, Mom. Hello. Oh! (Jack returns.) (Tara stands next to Jack.) I-1-10 Grandma, Pappi this is Jack. (CONT D) (Jack tries to shake hands, but Viva Lee hugs him.) Welcome! Mr. Harden. (Wilbur extends his hand.) Nice to meet you, Mr. Harden. Sir. (They shake.) We heard you were from the plains. Do you grow corn? Grandma, he s from the mountains of California. He s from the suburbs of Connecticut. So you ferment wine?

13 You re dating a wino? I-1-11 Does California even have mountains? I m not- Jack isn t a wino. Look it up with your phone. California has earthquakes every month. But does it have mountains? Hollywood Hills ring a bell? (The oven begins to smoke, but no one notices.) Hills are not mountains. Hills make mountains. It s not a requirement. A hill would go on living its life believing it s a mountain until it sees a mountain; then it realizes it s merely a hill. What? I m sorry. (Off Tara s look) Tara, you re dating Aristotle!

14 Bae, what did we say about your philosophy class? I-1-12 Don t let it show. But I was just trying Found it! Ugh, little miss smarty-pants was right. Because an alcohol problem is very serious. Apparently it s on a fault line. Yes sir, it s very serious. Pappi, Jack is not an alcoholic. It s nothing to be ashamed of. Though you will need help. We can sign you up for a meeting. That s very kind of you, but - I think I still have his number. The man that helped you, Wilbur, with your little situation. Pappi, you had a drinking problem? Situation. And - Was his name Phil?

15 I-1-13 Sure, Phil. And Phil helped me real good. Jack, he ll straighten you up something fine. That s real nice of you to offer, Mr. Harden, Sir, but I don t really drink that much. You have a wine glass in your hand. Ah, yes, well. Why does it smell like Tara s summer armpits? (Everyone now sees that there is smoke coming out of the oven.) My turkey! (Cindy races to the rescue. It s too late. She pulls the dish out and we see a black charcoal where fowl should be.) My summer armpits? Said you didn t need help. Yep. How long was it in the oven? The ex-wife title isn t working for you.

16 As opposed to what? Your winter armpits. I-1-14 I have nothing to say to Paul. WILBBUR Turkey s only need about three hours. Thirteen years of marriage- It s a burnt turkey. It doesn t mean anything. I saw Dad two months ago. Seemed like he s doing okay. (Viva Lee takes the pan from Cindy and cleans it.) Hey, so Jack is still here. Party manners, please. Good Lord! I m so sorry; this is not how we are normally. Right, we don t normally burn turkeys. (Cindy pours more wine.) Turkeys are for Thanksgiving only. This is less crazy than holidays at my house. You re a liar, but you re sweet. A pretty little liar? Huh, anybody?

17 No. C maahn. (There is a knock at the door.) I-1-15 Not giving it to you. (Wilbur answers the door.) Fine. (Chad stands in the door frame. Wilbur doesn t let him inside.) I didn t think it was too bad. I will smack you. I like him. Hello, Mr. Harden. I wanna see Linna. Son, this is family time. We already have - Chad? A burnt turkey. Linna! Hi, um, how are you? I ve just I, you, we need to talk.

18 (Chad comes inside without being asked.) I-1-16 But I s pose if you re just coming in anyway - I ve got nothing to say to you. We broke up. Two days ago. And I still love you. Good gracious! (Viva Lee takes the casserole out of the oven and wraps it in tin foil.) It s a little late for that, Chad, honey. I don t love you. You told me I looked fat. You are fat. Excuse me?! Whoa! That s my little sister. I will cut you! Tara?! No. No! Oh, God, no! Not like that! Heh. I mean you re gonna get fat. I ll kill you myself.

19 We re pregnant! (Viva Lee drops the casserole and peers into the other room.) I-1-17 (CONT D) Well, you re pregnant. I can t, I mean, I m a dude. (Beat.) He s not good daddy material. No offense. None taken. But I m ready to try, I think I can grow up. For you. For us. For little Chad Jr. you ve got growing in your - I m not naming it Chad, Chad. It s too early, you re right; it could be Linna Jr. This isn t one of your video games. CAHD I know. It s better than fiction, we get each other forever. So when s the wedding? Grandma! A baby born out of wedlock is a bas-sgrace to our family. Mamma! If the ladies at garden club hear about

20 I m not getting married! I-1-18 If that s what it takes! (He kneels) Linna Harden Get the hell off the floor. You will do right by my granddaughter. I will. I promise I will. He s not doing anything to me. (Aside) He s already done enough. (Linna is speechless. Chad looks at Jack like he understands which he doesn t. Cindy brushes her hands on her apron and walks over to Linna, taking the wine glass out of her hand.) Linna, honey, no more. I can t drink? Not if you want your baby to be healthy. Ugh. (Cindy takes Chad s hand and leads him to the door.)

21 Wait. Miss H, don t kick me out. I-1-19 I m sending you boys on an errand. But I need to be with my baby! Both of them. We need a turkey and Wilbur s going to drive you and Jack to the store to buy it. Why do I- (Off Viva Lee s look) Oh, alright. (Wilbur puts on his coat.) Linna, I m gonna find you the best turkey there is! You ll see! (Chad bounds outside. Wilbur reluctantly follows. Tara walks over to Jack. The other women are in the kitchen and don t hear.) This is good. You can butter up Pappi. I know he likes you. He thinks I m an alcoholic. You had a wine glass in your hand. So did you! It s important that you get along. He s the closest thing I have to a father. Jack! You pickin flowers? (O.S.)

22 I love you and I want to be with you. Forever. I-1-20 Far longer than forever. (They kiss. Jack exits.) (END SCENE)