Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

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3 PELICAN PUBLISHING COMPANY Gretna 2006

4 Copyright 2006 By Thomas Forehand, Jr. All rights reserved The word Pelican and the depiction of a pelican are trademarks of Pelican Publishing Company, Inc., and are registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Robert E. Lee s lighter side : the marble man s sense of humor / edited by Thomas Forehand, Jr. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references. ISBN-13: (pbk. : alk. paper) 1. Lee, Robert E. (Robert Edward), Anecdotes. 2. Lee, Robert E. (Robert Edward), Quotations. 3. Lee, Robert E. (Robert Edward), Correspondence. I. Forehand, Thomas. E467.1.L4R ' dc Printed in the United States of America Published by Pelican Publishing Company, Inc Burmaster Street, Gretna, Louisiana 70053

5 For my kind and patient family: Judy, Dana Carol, Thomas III, Rebecca, and Mama Ruth

7 Contents Preface 11 A Chronology of Events in Lee s Life The Best Confederate Generals A New Way to Fast Fire Power True History Ask Caesar He s No Little Shaver Lee with His Children Brandy, Anyone? His Popular Hat A Bridal Party Prank Top Hat: A Teapot Warmer Jeb s Music Come In, Captain Prayers A Honeymoon or a Wake? Not Kissable Can t Spare It! A Lie Contagion Nauseous Water Lee Was Hit, but Not Hurt Honest Meat? Lee s Math: X + Y = Headache Not Shot, Yet Never Marry a Preacher Ug-Lee A Good Kind of Coward Horsing Around Tough Biscuits New York City Danger A Fine Howdy Do Death at the Lighthouse A Bible, Use It! 29 7

8 ROBERT E. LEE S LIGHTER SIDE 34. Streams, Rivulets, and Brooks You Protest Too Much! High Church/Low Church Controversy Ill The Tennessee Line Pickin on a Slow Poke An Incurable Disease Cruel Stonewall Here a Lee, There a Lee Wigwam on the Potomac Powwow Housekeeping The Minister s Grace Healthy Studying Wedding or Funeral? Where s the Beef? The Unstoppable Pickett Cannibal Lee Lee s Complaint Rapping, Rapping, Gently Rapping Just Some Civilians Politicians Bob and the Nabob R. E. Lee, MD Fighting Dirty Better Ask the Enemy to Wait How Real Soldiers Don t Eat The House of Stuart Lee: The Rebel Love and War Protect the Mrs.! Cousin Markie Just a Little Thing Right Writin An Ill Artist Art for Art s Sake A Duck Day Bobby Lee An Opinion Permission Denied The Best Medicine for Depression 46 8

9 Thomas Forehand, Jr. 75. Man s Big Best Friend An Unexcused Absence Worth Her Weight In Apples & Chestnuts Do Wrong! Custis Morgan Send Me a Kitten Boy, Girl, Boy Claim It An Amusing Mama s Boy The Tale He Liked Best In Good Spirits Pipe Down! You Take the High Road, And Socks You Can Count [On] Love Affairs Robert Who? No Vacancy A Spell Making Mary Jealous? Blood Always Thicker Than Water? Laughter in the Night Don t Become a Soldier Animal Sacrifice They ll Think You Are Crazy Ruler of the Roost Courting Rules Fun on Horseback The Old General Husband Contagious Laughter Rejoicings of the Saints The Horseless Carriage Borrow Her Back Chimneys Claim that Kiss Later Agnes Keep Off the Grass! Mercy on the Bachelor Inspection You ll Fit Right In Salamanders 64 9

10 ROBERT E. LEE S LIGHTER SIDE 116. Breakfast Menus Rags My Order Was Not for You Pikes, Anyone? Rainy Retreat John Brown Apple Tree Diplomacy Moss Neck Neckin A Lesson about Crows Hurry Up and Snooze! 69 Notes 71 Selected Bibliography 108 Index

11 Preface Marble is often used to describe Robert E. Lee. That word does depict accurately one side of his personality. In public, he sat, stood, walked, and rode erect. In the presence of strangers, he armed himself with a quiet demeanor. Also, two wars and a military career, spanning five decades, honed his serious sense of duty toward God and man. Yet like a cavalry screen, Lee s statuesque appearance obscured another side of his personality his lighter side. Robert E. Lee consistently displayed a good sense of humor in what he said and wrote and in how he reacted to various situations. Those around Lee often had opportunities to laugh with him in the calm of peace as well as in the throes of war (even shortly before his surrender). For those interested in learning more about Lee s lighter side, I have compiled more than one hundred examples of his good sense of humor. That humor budded in youth, bloomed before he became a soldier, and was still flowering on his last working day as president of Washington College. Objects of General Lee s humor included: fellow soldiers, religious traditions (fasting, High Church/Low Church, etc.), newspaper editors, biographies, spiritualism, newborn babies (their number, their birthmarks, their gender), liquor, weddings, accidents, military rank, courtship, dating, honeymooning, pets, military chow, his personal appearance, his own celebrity, his wife, his children, doctors, medicine, politicians, studying, selfishness, pomp, handwriting, artists, weather, school absences, marriage, obeying orders, pipe smoking, kissing, spelling, and clothing. Like most fathers, Lee romped and played games with his children; unlike most fathers, he enjoyed having them tickle his hands and feet. During the war, he frequently shot bullets of humorous rebuke. After the war, he once acted so silly at home that a visitor cringed to see him in one of his unguarded moments. Lee was full of fun. He joked, teased, punned, told humorous stories, occasionally pulled pranks, and sometimes laughed himself to tears. For those interested in more details about Lee and his family, I have noted, in the endnotes, some of the less frequently published 11

12 ROBERT E. LEE S LIGHTER SIDE points about the Lees. In the endnotes, I have also included such points as: Lee s connection to Napoleon s family; the Jim Crow law allegedly broken by one of Lee s daughters; the religious reason Mary Custis almost refused to marry Robert E. Lee; why Lee marched out of step in military parades after the war; one of the honors that the Federal government currently bestows on Lee; the Federal committee both Robert E. Lee and Abraham Lincoln were members of during the 1840s; and, Lee s near relative who was a general both in the Confederacy and later in the United States military. Let s now pick the locks of Lee s heart by reading about his lighter side. Tom Forehand, Jr., Editor and Compiler 12

13 A Chronology of Events in Lee s Life 1807 Born January Father dies Enters the United States Military Academy at West Point Graduates second in his class at West Point Marries Mary Custis (great-granddaughter of Martha Washington). Stationed at Fort Monroe in Virginia Transferred to Washington, DC Returns to Arlington after a summer expedition to Canada Stationed in St. Louis Stationed at Fort Hamilton (Brooklyn), New York Leaves for the Mexican-American War Returns to Arlington from Mexico and is stationed in Baltimore Becomes the superintendent of the U.S. Military Academy at West Point Arrives in Texas for a cavalry assignment Writes to son Custis who is in California Speeds, with Jeb Stuart, to Harper s Ferry to capture John Brown. 13

14 ROBERT E. LEE S LIGHTER SIDE 1861 Resigns from the United States Army and takes command of Virginia s military. (The War Between the States begins.) 1862 Takes command of the Army of Northern Virginia and drives General George B. McClellan from the gates of Richmond. Engages in the battle of Second Manassas in the summer Engages in the battle of Gettysburg in the summer Engages in the battle of the Wilderness in early May. (General Ulysses S. Grant s siege of Petersburg begins in June.) 1865 Retreats to Appomattox and is forced to surrender to Grant in early April. (The War Between the States soon ends.) Accepts the presidency of Washington College in late August Dies in Lexington, Virginia, on October

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data howth_1-32.indd 1 10/7/2011 4:18:27 PM howth_1-32.indd 2 10/7/2011 4:18:28 PM PELICAN PUBLISHING COMPANY Gretna 2012 howth_1-32.indd 3 10/7/2011 4:18:29 PM A special thank you to Debbie Dadey, who coined