CAPITAL BIBLE CHURCH February 22, Desperate Households Pt. 1 Rx for Stress & Tension Prov. 15:13-25

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1 CAPITAL BIBLE CHURCH February 22, 2009 SERMON NOTES PASTOR BILL HAKEN notice some negative words in this passage; words like: v. 13 sorrow v. 15 afflicted v. 16 trouble v. 17 hatred v. 18 wrathful, strife, anger v. 22 disappointed Desperate Households Pt. 1 Rx for Stress & Tension Prov. 15:13-25 These are all synonyms for stress and tension. They represent those times when the string gets too tight and then it snaps! Ill guitar string can snap if it s wound too tight These are stressful times in which we live. And almost everyday you hear about another home where the string has snapped. For example: did you know that an act of domestic violence is committed every 15 seconds in America? Scary, isn t it? In 1/4th of all marriages, violence occurs at least occasionally. 20% of all murders take place in the family! Of those, 13% are committed against a spouse! We used to say it s a jungle out there. Now we d have to say, it s a jungle in here! Stress in a home is like sand to machinery, and a marriage which should be smooth and efficient, instead begins to slowly grind away! So, how do we reduce stress and tension in the home? 1. Learn to Laugh NKJV Prov. 15:13 A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, But by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken. 15 All the days of the afflicted are evil, But he who is of a merry heart has a continual feast. Prov. 17:22 A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones

2 What is a broken spirit? Well, the spirit of a man is the wellspring of life, and when the spirit is broken, it means you ve lost your zest, your enthusiasm, and you re tempted to give up. Laughter is a gift God has given to us, to release tension, and to keep our spirits from being broken in this sincursed earth. According to this verse, it s one of God s ways of keeping us healthy, emotionally and physically. Medical science has proven that when you laugh, chemicals and enzymes are released in the brain which is extremely important to the health of our vital organs. Listen to part of an article from a secular magazine called Executive Digest: Scientists have been studying the effects of laughter on human beings and have found, among other things, that laughter has a profound and instantaneous effect on virtually every important organ of the human body. Laughter reduces unhealthy tensions, and relaxes the tissues, as well as exercising the most vital organs. Laughter, even when forced, results in beneficial effect on us, both mentally and physically. So, the next time you feel nervous and jittery, indulge in a good laugh. I don t think I could ever possibly deal with the stresses and pressures of the ministry, if home was not a fun place to be. In a piece, Laughter A Winsome Witness Chuck Swindoll says: I remember a fun 'n' games night around the supper table in our house. It was wild. First of all, one of the kids snickered during the prayer (which isn't that unusual) and that tipped the first domino. Then a humorous incident from school was shared and the event (as well as how it was told) triggered havoc around the table. That was the beginning of twenty to thirty minutes of the loudest, silliest, most enjoyable laughter you can imagine. At one point I watched my oldest literally fall off his chair in hysterics, my youngest doubled over in his chair as his face wound up in his plate with corn chips stuck to his cheeks... and my two girls leaning back, lost and preoccupied in the most beautiful and beneficial therapy God ever granted humanity: laughter. What is so amazing is that everything seemed far less serious and heavy. Irritability and impatience were ignored like unwanted guests. For example, during the meal little Chuck spilled his drink twice... and even that brought the house down. If I remember correctly, that made six times during the day he accidentally spilled his drink, but nobody bothered to count. All is quiet now, a rather unusual phenomenon around here. It's almost midnight and although my bones are weary, I'm filled and thrilled with the most pleasant memories a father can enjoy-a healthy, happy, laughing family. What a treasure! The load that often weighs heavily upon my shoulders about this time each week seems light and insignificant now. Laughter, the needed friend, has paid another dividend. If you ask me, I think it is often just as sacred to laugh as it is to pray... or preach... or witness. But thenlaughter is a witness in many ways. We have been misled by a twisted, unbalanced mind if we have come to think of laughter and fun as being carnal or even questionable. This is one of Satan's sharpest darts and from the looks and long lines on our faces, some of us have been punctured too many times.

3 Pathetic indeed is the stern, somber Christian who has developed the look of an old basset hound through long hours of practice in restraining humor and squelching laughs. Some frowning, neurotic soul will read this and say, "Well, somebody's got to do the job. Life is more than a merry-go-round. Laughter is all right for schoolgirls-but adults, especially Christian adults, have a task to perform that's deadly serious." Okay, pal, so it's serious. So it isn't all a joke. Nobody's going to argue that life has its demands and that being mature involves discipline and responsibility. But who says we have to have an ulcer and drive ourselves (and each other) to distraction in the process of fulfilling our God-given role? No one is less efficient or more incompetent than the person on the brink of a breakdown, who has stopped having fun, who is nursing a bleeding ulcer, who has become a pawn in the brutal hands of relentless responsibilities, who has begun a one-man crusade for whatever, who has lost the ability to relax and laugh and "blow it" without guilt. Our hospitals are full-literally jammed-with victims of the let's-cutthe-fun philosophy of life. And today, quite frankly, they really aren't much of an asset to society-nor to the cause of Christ. That is not a criticism-it's reality. By a sense of humor, I am neither referring to distasteful, inappropriate, vulgar jesting, nor foolish and silly talk that is ill-timed, offensive, and tactless. I mean that necessary ingredient of wit-enjoyable, delightful expressions or thoughts-which lifts our spirits and lightens our day. How is such winsomeness cultivated-and communicated-in our homes and among our other contacts? What practical steps can be taken to yank us out of the doldrums? I suggest three specific projects: 1. Start each day with pleasant words. Your family will be the first to benefit (better have the glycerin tablets ready). No need to dance around like Bozo the Clown or force jokes into your sleepy mate's ears. Just be pleasant in your remarks, cheerful with your greetings. As you are slipping out of bed, thank God for His love... His calm, fresh reminders that this new day is under His control. Quietly state the encouraging truth: God loves me. 2. Smile more often. I cannot think of many occasions when a smile is out of place. Develop a cheerful countenance. A frowning face repels. A smile reaches out and attracts. God gave you this gift that radiates encouragement. Don't fence it in... loosen up, break that concrete mask - smile. 3. Express at least one honest comment of appreciation or encouraging remark to each person you are with during the day. As a Christian, you want to share Christ's love. You want to lift up hearts that are heavy. Spot strengths-and say so. Steadfastly decline to camp on other's weaknesses. Ask the Lord to make you genuinely interested in others instead of so occupied with yourself. Ask Him to enable you to take the risk and reach out. Ask Him to be winsome through you. In spite of bleak and serious times, I firmly believe we need another good dose of Solomon's counsel. Listen to David's wisest son: A joyful heart makes a cheerful face, but when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken. All the days of the afflicted are bad, but a cheerful heart has a continual feast (Proverbs 15:13, 15).

4 A joyful heart is good medicine (the Hebrew says, "... causes good healing...") but a broken spirit dries up the bones (Proverbs 17:22). 3 things you ought to give your children: Life Love Laughter 3 rules you ought to have for your home: Be fair Be firm Be fun Learn to laugh don t take things so seriously lighten up! 2. Cultivate Contentment Prov. 15:16 It is better to have little with fear for the LORD than to have great treasure with turmoil. 17 Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than steak with someone you hate. It s not about things the American dream says it is, but the Bible says no focus on contentment, thankfulness and gratitude Which of these homes would you like to live in? First one: a mansion w/ white columns out front, dad pulls up in BMW, kicks cat out of the way. No one comes out to meet him, they re all in their rooms watching their private TV s, playing on their X-Box or Nintendo/time to eat long formal dining room, china, crystal, cloth/servants bring out ors d oeuvre s, appetizers, soup du jour, salad, smoking roast./dad eats as fast as he can, preoccupied, thinking about work/mom has a face like a hatchet, /surly, rebellious teenagers say nothing unless it s sarcastic and cutting too busy texting their friends..or this one: dad pulls up to little frame house in old car/kids run to meet him/enters: smells aroma of fried chicken, etc./no tablecloth, just placemats, no china, just mismatched dishes some chipped, stainless steel silverware, paper napkins/dad reaches out and they all hold hands, he thanks God for their love and the food/amen and dig in!/not in a dining room, just kitchen, but it rings w/ laughter/they tell about their day: hit homerun, dog chewed hair off my dolly. Not saying it s impossible to have both, although it s not common to have both. If you want to have a happy home, you have to cultivate contentment. Live with in your means. Financial stress will kill the spirit of a home you don t need that.

5 Don t even get on the treadmill of materialism, it doesn t take you anywhere! (if only we had a bigger, nicer house, newer car no, if you re not happy with what you ve got now, you wouldn t be then, it has nothing to do with it.). It s not about things. Phil. 4:11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. Heb. 13:5 Let your conduct be without greed; be content with such things as you have. For God has said, I will never leave you nor forsake you.. In Luke 12:15 Jesus said, Beware! Don t be greedy for what you don t have. Real life is not measured by how much we own. 1 Timothy 6:6 But godliness with contentment is great gain. 7For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 8 But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. 9 People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. 10For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Cultivate contentment! I know many people today have to work 2 jobs, and many hours, just to make ends meet that s ok, I m not talking about making a living, and providing the basics I m talking about the tyranny of things, that prompts some people to go out seeking more money to buy more things, or to pay off what they already bought on credit, when they should be out in the yard teaching that boy to throw a baseball, or reading that book to that girl. But many have to keep up with the Joneses we buy things we don t need, with money we don t have, to impress people that we don t like! So, learn to laugh, cultivate contentment 3. Alleviate Anger Prov. 15:18 A wrathful man stirs up strife, But he who is slow to anger calms down contention. Prov. 14:17 A quick-tempered man acts foolishly, And a man of wicked intentions is hated. Prov. 19: 11 People with good sense restrain their anger; they earn esteem by overlooking wrongs. Prov. 21: 9 It is better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a contentious wife in a lovely home. 19 Better to dwell in the wilderness, Than with a contentious and angry woman. 22:24 Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man,do not associate with one easily angered, 25 or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.

6 Prov. 25: 24 It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman. Prov. 29:11 A fool gives full vent to anger, but a wise person quietly holds it back. Prov. 17: 14 Beginning a quarrel is like opening a floodgate, so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out. Prov. 18:13 He who answers a matter before he hears it, It is folly and shame to him. Prov. 17:27 A truly wise person uses few words; a person with understanding is even-tempered. 28 Even fools are thought to be wise when they keep silent; when they keep their mouths shut, they seem intelligent. Listen more, talk less. James 1: 19 So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; 20 for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. You ve heard the old expression look before you leap? well this means, listen before you speak! The clear lesson here: the way to control anger is to control your mouth your tongue! (Joke) I always get the last word yes dear! Do you want to be right, or do you want peace (to be happy?) Last argument: I had with her, she ended up on her hands and knees saying come out from under that bed and fight like a man! Nothing will reduce stress and tension in the home like getting control of your words. When you are mad, angry, upset (and those times will come) keep your mouth shut! Be angry, and sin not! Eph. 4:26 What we think: maybe I will make my point better if I say it a little louder (then they get louder) or if I add some sarcasm or a cutting insult then they ll get the point! You say, but in the heat of that moment, I can t control my mouth oh yes you can! Ill argument (simulate)/phone rings/ (sweetly) hello! You can control it if you want to! Key: Answer softly! Prov.15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger. Don t take the bait! say I m not biting It ends there!

7 4. Walk in Wisdom Prov. 15:21 Folly delights a man who lacks judgment, but a man of understanding keeps a straight course. 22 Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. 23 A man finds joy in giving an apt reply and how good is a timely word! When our homes are characterized by confusion, understand that God is not in that! Strife and tension result when there s confusion, when we re not on the same page, when the left hand doesn t know what the right hand is doing the result isn t unity and harmony, it s division, strife, tension, and stress! Eph. 4: 1Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. 2 Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other s faults because of your love. 3 Always keep yourselves united in the Holy Spirit, and bind yourselves together with peace. Ephesians 5: 15 Be very careful, then, how you live not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 1 7Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord s will is. Problems WILL arise on a daily basis, that s normal, but wisdom begs us to start attacking the problem, together, in unity, and stop attacking each other. Listen to Mt. 7:24 Therefore whosoever hears these sayings of mine, and does them, I will liken him unto a wise man, who built his house upon a rock: 25 And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. 26 And every one that hears these sayings of mine, and does them not, shall be likened to a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: 27 And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it. You can build your home on 1 of 2 foundations: rock or sand The difference is whether or not you put Christ first in your life/marriage that building on The Rock and when the winds of adversity blow, and the waves of disappointment roll in, your house will be able to weather the storm. That s walking in wisdom! And then you can build something beautiful together! On the foundation of Christ, if your salvation is anything more than just fire insurance to you, or a tradition, or a duty, if there s any depth to your salvation at all, then on top of that rock foundation, you will build walls of worship, of Sunday school and church. Paint the interior w/ peace, and carpet w/ contentment. Build a kitchen of kindness, and stock the shelves well in the pantry of purity then hang a chandelier of charity. A hallway of holiness will often lead you back to a bedroom of bliss! And make sure and have that special room where the whole family can bathe in the lather of laughter. That fireplace of forgiveness will warm the atmosphere, and leads right up to the roof of repentance which will keep your whole family sheltered from the storms of sin. The blessings are right in your own backyard if you want them! And if you ll build your house on the rock!