Humpty Dumpty A pantomime by Brian Freeland Spotlight Publications

Transcription

1 Humpty Dumpty A pantomime by Brian Freeland Spotlight Publications

2 COPYRIGHT 2006 BRIAN FREELAND Published by Spotlight Publications All rights are reserved including performances on stage, radio and television. No part of this publication may be reproduced by photocopying or any other means without the prior permission of the copyright owner. It is an infringement of the copyright to give any performance or public reading of the play before a licence has been issued. Spotlight pantomimes must be played as per the script, and without alterations, additions or cuts, except by written permission of the publisher. However minor changes such as the addition of local references and topical references or gags are permitted. Likewise, all musical numbers may be changed at the discretion of the producer. Drama groups must obtain a full acting set of scripts (a minimum of one script per speaking part plus one for the director) before a performing licence can be issued. The name of the author shall be stated on all publicity including posters and programmes. Programme credits shall state "script provided by Spotlight Publications". All enquiries to Spotlight Publications, 259 The Moorings, Dalgety Bay, Fife, KY11 9GX. Tel enquiries@spotlightpublications.com Website: ISBN X

3 Humpty Dumpty CAST (in order of appearance) Humpty Dumpty Merry King Cole Mother Hubbard Polly Flinders Simple Prince Simon Merlin the Magician Spiderwoman Contrary Mary/Principal Dancer Major Domo Quartet of formidable ladies Dancers: 3 girls/2 boys Babes ASM/Dog

4 SYNOPSIS OF SCENES ACT 1 Prologue - Castle Courtyard at Midnight Scene 1 - Castle Courtyard, following morning. Scene 2 - Front cloth/curtain Scene 3 - Castle Interior (Schoolroom) Scene 4 - Castle Interior Scene 5 - Castle Interior (Kitchen) Scene 6 - Castle Interior Scene 7 - Front cloth/curtain (Soldiers) Scene 8 - Castle Interior (Throne Room) ACT 2 Scene 9 - Castle Interior Scene 10 - Front cloth/ Curtain Scene 11 - Forest Scene 12 - Front cloth/blacks (Cave) Scene 13 - Temple of Cobwebs Scene 14 - Front cloth/curtain (`Oleo') Scene 15 - Finale. Castle Courtyard

5 MUSICAL NUMBERS ACT 1 1. It s A Most Unusual Day (A Date With Judie) (Chorus) 2. There Is Nothing Like A Dame (South Pacific) (Chorus) 3. I Wanna Make The World Laugh (Mack & Mabel) (Humpty) 4. Four Little Maids From School (Mikado) (Quartet) 5. Thou Swell (A Connecticut Yankee In King Arthur s Court) (Polly & Simon) (but see page 16) 6. How d Ya Like To Spoon With Me (Jerome Kern) (Mother Hubbard, Major Domo & Chorus) 7. What Kind Of Fool Am I (Bricusse/Newley) (Humpty) 8. It s A Musical World (Bricusse/Newley) (Chorus) 9. Quorn Quartet (Denny Willis) (Quartet) 10. Tap Your Troubles Away (Mack & Mabel) (Polly, Mary & Chorus) ACT I Like Your Style (Humpty & Mary) 12. Baby It s Cold Outside (Mother Hubbard & King) 13. Stick To You (Polly) 14. Onward To Glory We Go (Man From La Mancha) (Simon & Humpty) 14a. Ballet (Carnival of the Animals) (Dancers) 14b. Monsters Dance (Dancers) 15. Reprise: Stick To You (Mary & Humpty) N.B. This list of songs is only the author's recommendation. All songs are at the discretion of the Musical Director. Spotlight does not hold the copyright for this list. For permission to perform these or any other songs, producers should apply to: The Performing Right Society Ltd Berners Street London W1P 4AA.

6 A NOTE ON THE PRINCIPALS Humpty Dumpty. Innocent, friendly, but a little confused. After almost one hundred years inside the egg he is suddenly `hatched' into a society whose life style and language is alien to him. The part was written for Joe Pasquale - a cockney in an otherwise all-scottish cast - strengthening the sense of being an `outsider'. One solo, one duet, and leads three singing & dancing routines. Merry King Cole. The much-loved monarch of the Kingdom, with a joke (and a trick) for every occasion, even when threatened with the loss of his crown. One comedy duet with the Dame. Mother Hubbard. The castle cook and cleaning lady, a busy fussy wifie with a heart of gold. Some doubts about what happened to Mr Hubbard, which is perhaps why the King is in no hurry to make her his second wife. Leads two song & dance routines, two comedy songs (one a duet with the King), and a probable solo in the songsheet. Prince Simon. Young, dashing - perhaps a teeny bit bumptious and aggressive. His friendship with Polly is ripening into something deeper, but will the King permit marriage with a commoner? A goodish singer - duets with Humpty and Polly. Polly Flinders. Young, pretty - uses her brains better than her boy friend Simon. Presumably some kind of maidservant in the palace and, with Mother Hubbard, represents `downstairs'. Sings a bit. Merlin. (think Gandolf) Avuncular, wise, gentle, intelligent, and a large part of the reason for the King's successful reign. Now growing old, and starting to lose his magic powers. He needs an assistant with the right qualifications - Humpty, perhaps? Spiderwoman. Evil personified. She wants the crown only for the power it will bring, and doesn't care who gets hurt in the process. Was a purely acting role - no singing or dancing - although an evil solo is a possibility in the right hands. Contrary Mary. Village `maiden' and friend of Polly. Contrary by name and by nature; always says the exact opposite of what she means but will eventually sort out her relationship with Humpty. It would be a bonus if she is a goodish tap dancer. Major Domo. A Court Chamberlain. He was a puppeteer who did the Black Light speciality in the original production, and is now under-used in Act Two: perhaps the Temple Guard and the Gorilla? Dog. Originally played by the ASM. Not a huge role, but essential to the plot (and the kids like him/her) Chorus. Villagers, Students, Slaves, Dancers, Singers, etc. Some `featured' moments.

7 ACT 1 Prologue The Castle Courtyard at night The curtains open as the clock chimes midnight. It is dark and eerie. We see the egg perched on top of the wall, but the two soldiers who should be guarding it are asleep Merlin (entering DL) Sssh. It's the last day of the spell on the magic egg, and I'm expecting the wicked Spiderwoman to make one last attempt to steal it. The soldiers are asleep, but I'll hide here in case she comes. (Hides) Spiderwoman (entering DR) There it is. The egg! My egg - or it soon will be. And look at those stupid soldiers, fast asleep. They won't stop me, oh no they won't! (anticipate reaction from audience). Don't start that yet, it's much too early in the pantomime. (She moves up to egg) As I was saying, these soldiers won't stop me. Merlin But I will, Spiderwoman. Spiderwoman Merlin, curses. Merlin I thought you would turn up some time today, and I've been waiting for you to make one last desperate attempt to destroy the egg. Spiderwoman Desperate? Huh! I have only to push that egg off the wall and the king's crown will be mine. Merlin Not whilst I am here to stop you. Spiderwoman Merlin, you sad old wizard - why do you think I have waited nearly one hundred years? Your magic powers are fading fast, soon you will be helpless. Before this day is out the crown and the kingdom will be mine...mine...(exits, cackling) Merlin (wakes soldiers) Wake up men. Spiderwoman has been here, and she will be back. Take extra care - if we can keep the egg safe for just one more day the spell will be broken for ever. (Exits) Music link and lighting change to sunrise The Palace staff and villagers enter Scene 1 Song 1 (Suggest `It's A Most Unusual Day', by Harold Adamson and Jimmy McHugh from the film `A Date With Judy'. It can be done in different rhythms, which will help the choreography, and is also relevant to the plot. Do please try to give the routine some relevance to the story - not another tedious `disco' routine. The Quartet of Formidable Ladies' could be dressed as troubadours for these opening scenes, and might sing the verse of the song as a link into Scene 1) The dance is interrupted by the arrival, with invitations, of the Major Domo Major Domo Good morning, everyone. Isn't it exciting? The King's having a huge party tonight to celebrate the end of the spell, and I've got invitations for everyone. Dancers (crowding round him) A party, hooray. (Etc) Major Domo And there's one for you, Mary.

8 Mary (ever contrary) I don't want to go to a party at the Palace. They're so boring. Major Domo Oh, Mary, you're so contrary. Never mind, I'll keep it for you - you are bound to change your mind. Here comes Prince Simon. Guards: attention! Prince Simon enters US, acknowledges the troops who are then dismissed by the Major Domo before he leads them off Simon Good morning, ladies. Isn't it a lovely day? I hope you are all coming to father's party tonight. (The girls hold up their invitations). I shall dance with every one of you. Mary Don't be simple, Simon. Everyone knows you will spend the whole evening dancing with Polly. Simon It's true, Mary. I should like to, she's so gorgeous - but I don't know what my father would say. Mary Just because Polly is a maid in the Palace? Simon Yes. You see, he thinks I should marry a princess or a duchess or something. Well, we'll see what happens at the dance. The original routine picks up again, the Prince dancing with all the girls until Polly enters. He only has eyes for her, and the others slowly exit leaving them alone Polly, you will be coming to the King's party tonight, won't you? Polly Well, I have had an invitation - but I'm sure the King won't really want the palace staff at such a posh affair. Simon Come on, Polly. You know my father better than that. He has invited the whole village, treats everyone equally. Polly Until it comes to finding a wife for his son and heir. He won't ever let us get married, will he? Simon He will, in time. We just have to find the right moment to break the news to him, that's all. Catch him in a good mood - perhaps tonight. If the opening number has suitable words they could sing the last couple of lines at this point (As they exit through the door) Oh egg, do just stay there for one more day, and let the King be in a good mood at the party. King (enters DL) Don't slam the door! Oh my goodness, I'm so nervous. I feel like a turkey on Christmas Eve. You see that egg? Well, it was put there by a wicked old witch who said that if it ever fell off then awful things would happen - I would lose my crown, and Spiderwoman would take over the kingdom, and...(something topical). So we have to be careful, anything might shake it off, like a door slamming. So would you help me? Hello, is there anyone out there? I said would you help me? Oh good. Would you shout "Don't slam the door" whenever you see anyone going out that way? Would you? Oh thank you. I think we should have a little practice...(etc.). For obvious reasons we cannot bring Humpty on yet, so the King has to take on some of the comic's business, such as this running gag Anyway, I must get on. That egg has been up there for ninety-nine years and 364 days. One more day and the witch's spell will be ended for ever - so I'm having a big party to celebrate. Except I haven't warned my cook, Mother Hubbard. I must go and look for her. See you later. He exits through door, listening for the warning (There Is Nothing Like A Dame?) Song 2 Mother Hubbard (entering) Oh hello! (No reaction so) Oh goodbye (as she turns entrance into false exit). It's a pantomime, you know, you're allowed to join in. We'll just try that again. Oh hello! That's better. You all enjoying yourselves? Why, what are you doing? Anyway, it's good to see you all. Have

9 you come far? Where are you from missus? (ask several until you get somewhere mildly amusing, then repeat it) ? Isn't it past your bedtime? I bet this is all new to you, eh? Carpets? Electric light? (Sees lavatory brush hanging on her arm) Oh, look at that. Well, at least I know where I left my handbag. Hey, here I am, gossiping away, and we haven't even been introduced. I'm Mother Hubbard. Yes I am. I expect you know who you are. I'm the cook in the royal palace. I've got a big kitchen in the basement, and a little flat behind. I look after the inner man. It's like Florrie Forde says: (NB there are recordings of Florrie Forde singing this, credited to Burley-Scott, but I have never seen any sheet music) Girls, girls, study your cookery books. If you want men's affections Follow these directions Cook something tasty Give him the tender part You must tickle his little fancy If you want to reach his heart. I know what I'm talking about, girls. After all, I've been married, you know. Not any more; lost my husband in a mysterious horticultural incident. It was so sad (wait) no, sadder than that. (wait) So I'm a widow woman. Always pick a widow woman, lads. We don't yell, we don't tell, and we're always very grateful. Except that you're wasting your time with me; I've already sorted out hubbie number two - yes, it's his majestical whatsit King Cole. Have you met him? He's dishy, isn't he? Anyway ladies, remember, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, so... Girls, girls, study your cookery book If you want men's affections Follow these directions Cook something tasty Give him the tender part You must tickle his little fancy If you want to reach his heart. King (entering through door) Ah, there you are, Mother Hubbard, I've been searching the palace for you. Mother Hubbard (to audience) Isn't he cute? Come in number two, your time's up. (To King) I've just been out for the messages. Got a bone for the dog, and some pollyfilla for the parrot. King Pollyfilla's not for parrots. Mother Hubbard Oh, isn't it? Well, he'll have to make do with Bird's Custard. King Nothing for me? Mother Hubbard Yes, of course, your Imperial Leather. I got some tobacco for your pipe, and arranged some music lessons for your fiddlers three. I tried to get something to keep the tea warm for your bowl, but Asda didn't have any thermos flasks. King Did you try Boots? Mother Hubbard Yes, but the tea kept slopping out the lace-holes! (To audience) It's no good groaning: it's not going to get any better. King Now look, I've invited the village to a party tonight to celebrate the end of the witch's spell. I want you to prepare a nice dinner, but you haven't got much time. Mother Hubbard Then we'll have spaghetti. King How long will that be? Mother Hubbard I don't know, I haven't measured it yet. Flash! Spiderwoman enters Oh look, it's Ann Widdecombe. King No, it's Spiderwoman. Mother Hubbard What are you after, hennie? Are you the new YTS for the kitchen? Spiderwoman Quiet, you scum. Mother Hubbard Kingy, are you going to let me stand here and be insulted? King Why, where would you like to stand? Spiderwoman And you can shut up, too. King Just a minute, just a minute. I'm the King. I give the orders around here.

10 Mother Hubbard I think I'd like a brandy... Spiderwoman King you are, but not for long My evil magic's much too strong The egg will soon come crashing down And I shall wear your royal crown. Humpty Dumpty Originally written for a professional production starring Joe Pasquale, this script has been specially adapted for the amateur stage. Plot Summary When Humpty Dumpty falls from the wall, an old witch's curse is fulfilled. Spiderwoman steals the King s crown and absconds with it. With the help of Prince Simon, Contrary Mary and pretty Polly Flinders, Humpty embarks on a dangerous quest to the Temple of Cobwebs to recover the crown and save the kingdom from ruin. The script is slick, fast-paced and full of fun, with copious notes provided by the writer/producer. ISBN X