RAJINDRA SINGH BEDI'S GARAM COAT AND THE TRANSLATED VERSION THE WOOLLEN COAT: A COMPARATIVE STUDY

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Miranda Edwards
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1 17 RAJINDRA SINGH BEDI'S GARAM COAT AND THE TRANSLATED VERSION THE WOOLLEN COAT: A COMPARATIVE STUDY --Dr. Mirza S. B. Head Dept. of English Indira Gandhi Sr. College, Nanded. --Ms. Noorunnisa Siddiqui Research Scholar in Urdu SRTM University, Nanded. The researchers have selected to study the Urdu short story Garam Coat written by Rajinder Singh Bedi, an eminent Urdu novelist and short storywriter, translated into English by Jai Ratan and published by Sahitya Akademi, New Delhi. The present research paper aims at a comparative study of the features and short comings in the translated text. As there are two distinct approaches in translation theory: the first views the translator in terms of master-servant relationship with the SL text (Gargesh Ravinder, 23) whereas the second approach treats the translator as a reader-creator of the TL text in which he takes the liberty to maintain the essence of SL text. On reading the translated English version of Rajindra Singh Bedi s Urdu short story Garam Coat, one is impressed by the diction, syntax and style of Mr. Jai Ratan, the translator. The comparative study of the Garam Coat in Urdu and The Woollen Coat in English will be both interesting and rewarding. The title of the English version, is on the whole, appropriate in comparison with its counterpart in Urdu. Nevertheless, the epithet Garam in Urdu with its suggestive meaning implying warmth and affection could not be caught in its English equivalent woollen, which may be equated with ooni in Urdu. Mr. Jai Ratan has rightly preserved the Indianness of the story by retaining the Indian names of the characters e.g. Shami, Bacchu, Pushpa Munni, Yazdani, Mangal singh etc. Furthermore, the reader of the T. L. text easily understands the Indian background and the lower middle class setting when he comes across transliterated words like chulah, dal, gulab jamun, imratis, sari etc. The translator has succeeded in recapturing the pithiness and the spirit of the maxim or epigrammatic statement. For instance, mahenga roye ek bar, sasta roye bar bar is aptly translated as: buy high, cry once; buy cheap, cry forever. VOL. 4 ISSUE 11 NOVEMBER

2 Mr. Jai Ratan has resorted to syntactic changes wherever required. It is, of course, due to the different behavioural patterns of the T. L structure. The following passages can be cited to establish the point in question: 1. Is liye mausam ki sardi aur is khism ke kharji asrat mere coat khareedne ke irade ko paye takmeel tak pahonchane se khasir rahe.. aisa kyon hua? Main ne kaha hai jo shakhs hakeekatan ameer hon who zaheri shaan wo shokat ki chandan fikr nahi karte. Jo log sach much ameer hon inhen to phata hua coat balke kamees bhi takalluf mein dakhil samajhne chahiye. To kya main sach much ameer tha ke..? Main ne ghabra kar zati tajziya chhod diya aur bamushkil das note sahih salamat liye ghar pahuncha. Shami, meri biwi, meri muntazir thi. It has been translated into English as: The dreary cold failed to goad me into giving my desire a tangible shape. For that matter, now even my old coat seemed a superfluity. As I walked I kept arguing with myself, trying to put my mind at ease. Didn t I know the rich did not believe in ostentation? Not to talk of a tattered coat, they would not mind going without a shirt. Well, by that token, maybe I already belonged to the category of the rich! This exercise in self-introspection however, only added to my confusion. Hastily dismissing all further thoughts on the subject, I managed to reach home with the fifty rupee note still intact. My wife, Shami, was waiting for me. Another example of change in structure can be cited as under: 2. Halwai bhaanp gaya. Khud hi bola koi baat nahi babuji paise kal aajayenge. The sweetmeat seller guessed my predicament; Don t worry Babuji he said effusively, Pay me tomorrow. The assertive structure has been changed into an imperative without any loss of meaning. Moreover, the structural change seems to be inevitable in such cases. In certain contexts the translator has changed a few words without causing any loss of meaning to the S. L. text. a. Main ghaur se us ke coat ke nafees worsted ko pusht ki janib se dekhta raha.. But still I lost sight of him I kept marvelling at his fine suit. VOL. 4 ISSUE 11 NOVEMBER

3 Instead of using equivalents for ghaur se dekhna and nafees worsted he used marvel at and fine suit respectively which capture the meaning. b. Haath dhone ke baad jab paison ke liye jeb tatoli to. After washing my hands, I felt my pocket for the money. c. Ek lamhe ke liye yun dikhayi dene laga jaise koi bholi si bhed apni khoobsurat, mulaim si oon utar jane par dikhayi dene lagti hai. I looked utterly foolish an innocent lamb freshly sheared of its precious wool. The word precious does not convey meaning of softness. Even then there is no major loss of meaning. d. Pas hi gulab jamun chashni mein doobe pade they. Rogan mein phoolti hui kachoriyon ke dhoowen mein se aatishi surkh imartiyan jigar par daag laga rahi theen. In another cauldron, gulab jamun lay soaked in syrupy glory. Through the smoky luxury of swollen kachoris I could also see a pyramid of golden imratis tantalizing, me. The translator has used syrapy glory for chashni and tantalising for jigar par daag laga rahi theen without much loss of meaning. Despite Mr. Jai Ratan s command over English language, it is surprising that there are a number of lapses, alternations and deletions which one cannot overlook. He has attempted to update the content of the text. In Urdu version of the story, it is ten rupee note. In English version he has made it fifty rupee note. Similarly, T. L. version reads as follows: He (Yezdani) had made a rich haul of seventy five rupees at the card table. The S. L. version reads thus: who tafreeh club se pandhra rupye jeet kar aaya tha. Raising the amount of the sum in terms of value as he does will place the story in a different period of time. How far such a change is welcome may be subjected to doubt. Even if such liberty is granted to the translator, Jai Ratan is not found consistently raising the value because at the end of the story he is not careful to increase the amount as it is clear from the following S. L. and T. L. versions: Shami andar aate huye boli, maine do rupye Khemoo se udhar le kar bhi kharch kar dale hain: VOL. 4 ISSUE 11 NOVEMBER

4 I have spent more than I had bargained for, She said, I borrowed two rupees from Khemoo. Modernizing the text, that too inconsistently, is certainly unwarranted. While comparing the T. L. and S. L. texts, one comes across a number of instances where the translator has tried to improve upon the original text. The examples are enlisted below: MaiN ne gusse se aankhen lal karte huye kaha, mere is coat ki marammat kardo. Abhi. Kisi tarah karo. Shami go and mend my coat! I barked, my eyes blazing with anger. Yes, right now: I don t care whether you do it willingly or with a whimper. When Mangal Singh had taken back the damp firewood and had sent mulberry sticks the protagonist says with relief and happiness: Mangal Singh devta hai which is translated as: Mangal Singh is God incarnate, a saint. It is obvious that the translator has unnecessarily tried to improve upon the expression from colloquial to literary. It would have been more appropriate to say: Mangal Singh is a saint. It is shocking to note the number of deletions that the translator is guilty of. It would be a long and exhaustive list if I enumerate them all. The most striking among them are as follows: The Context is: Mangal Singh had sent damp firewood. Shami was striving hard to blow into the damp wood. The S. L. version reads thus: i. Bahut tag wo daw ke baad lakdiyan aahista aahista chatakhne lageen. Aakhir un pur nam aankhon ke paani ne mere ghusse ki aag bujhadi. It is translated as: After much fretting and fuming the woods at last crackled into flame and my wrath subsided. Mr. Jai Ratan has tried to recapture the literal meaning but the twin image of tearsl (water) and wrath (fire) is lost in the process of translation. When the protagonist tries to hide the patch on his coat and reacts to his own act by saying: ii. Aur is mein baat hi kya hai. Yazdani aur Santa Singh ne barha mujh se kaha hai ke wo Rafate zahni ki ziyada parwa karte hain aur worsted ki VOL. 4 ISSUE 11 NOVEMBER

5 kam. Mujh se koi pooche, Main worsted ki ziyada parvah karta hoon aur Rafate zahni ki kam. The deletion is totally unjustifiable as it takes no account of the longing of a lower middle class man for financial status implicit in the S. L. text. The loss is keenly felt for the translator seems to have completely missed the ironic note so discernible in the original. The first person narrator, in the story, goes to the bazaar with a ten rupee note. He wants to buy gulab jamuns and Imratis for his daughter Pushpa Munni. He reaches the sweetmeat shop and is reminded of Pushpa. iii. Mithai ki dukan par khawalte rogan mein kachoriyan khoob phool rahi thein. Mere moonh mein paani bhar aaya. Is tarh jaise gulab jamun ke takhayyul se Pushpa Munni ke munh mein paani bhar aaya tha. In the T. L version the comparison is totally deleted. It is translated as: At the sweetmeat shop, Kachoris were swelling up in a huge cauldron of sizzling ghee. My mouth watered. The comparison should not have been deleted as it does not come under the category of insignificant details. Consequently, the father s love and affection for his daughter is lost sight of in cutting the short story still shorter for no apparent, valid reason. When the protagonist returns from the bazaar empty-handed, the narration in the S. L text is as under: iv. Main ne coat khunti par latka diya. Mere pas hi deewar ka sahara le kar Shami baith gayi aur hum dono soye huye bachon aur khunti par latakte huye garam coat ko dekhne lage. This is translated as: Shami understood. I hung my coat on the peg. Shami sat down by my side, resting her head against the wall. The feeling of dejection and helplessness that is implicit in the S. L. text is missing in the T. L version. The omission, here, amounts to loss of meaning. The researchers fail to understand the grievous deletion in the concluding part of the story. Quite a large portion of the story from page no.66 and 67 from Daana-o- Daam (i.e. a collection of Rajindra Singh Bedi s short stories in Urdu i.e. Source Language) is deleted. Moreover, the whole page (i.e. Page no. 68) remains untranslated for no obvious reason. Such a deletion of so vital and significant a part of the story speaks volumes not only of his carelessness but also of his insincerity. VOL. 4 ISSUE 11 NOVEMBER

6 3. Translation Translator s fidelity to the original comes first, his freedom later. And freedom does not mean license. References: 1. Rajinder Singh Bedi Dana au Dwam. Maktabe-Jamia Ltd., New Delhi: Rajinder Singh Bedi Selected Short Stories Trans. Jai Ratan, Sahitya Akademy, New Delhi: and Interpreting: Reader and Workbook. Ed. Gargesh, Ravinder & Goswami K. K. Delhi: Orient Longman, VOL. 4 ISSUE 11 NOVEMBER

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