Both Definitions of Save

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1 The Iow Review Volume 21 Issue 1 Winter Article Both Definitions of Sve Albert Goldbrth Follow this nd dditionl works t: Prt of the Cretive Writing Commons Recommended Cittion Goldbrth, Albert. "Both Definitions of Sve." The Iow Review 21.1 (1991): Web. Avilble t: This Contents is brought to you for free nd open ccess by Iow Reserch Online. It hs been ccepted for inclusion in The Iow Review by n uthorized dministrtor of Iow Reserch Online. For more informtion, plese contct lib-ir@uiow.edu.

2 Both Definitions of Sve Albert Goldbrth 1. Yiddish Hnd me relic, Til tret it up right. Grndm, Grndm, rub it in schmltz. Yes hnd me relic, Til tret it up right. Anubis, it in ntron slts. pck Another nostlgic vignette with grndmother cnning?in this cse, Nettie. It's Fm twelve. She hs one yer to live. You'd never guess it: her hir done up in durble Old World bun, her hnds in their finicky sure repetitions. Everything's nd fluid; the gnrls nd florets she's pick ling in viscous brine re one with the movement tht lifts nd deposits them. A grnet peel of beet, n inbunched.clump of culiflower, slices, slices: cmeos nd medllions. She incorportes flicked tste into her rhythm. She hums some mouthful Old World mutter-of--song, nd this scene these twisted nd whiskery vege is so one semlessly piece tht, finlly, tble nibbles cn't be told prt from, re, the Yiddish on her tongue. It tkes her bck. I'm only twelve, nd not mybe the shrpest twelve t tht, but I cn see the wings nd gutturls of her song reverse the current, tke tht kitchen nd its pssenger nd soften ll of their borders by fifty some yers. She touches the locket round her neck? curl of his hir inside. She might be witing to her him fumble open the door, it's eve ning, he's home from twelve-hour rest in her flesh... hell-dy of ghetto peddling, eger to I know: this hs n overlush nd suspect glow, I cn't help it. Willim Kittredge sys tht "bck deep in the misty pst there is this lnd inhbited by drems nd pssions, nd you love it... you wnt it to be ll perfec tion, bronzed in your memory like bby shoes." Cnned. Sugry nd cnned. Tht's nostlgi? mrmlde. Ws she qurrelsome, ever? Did she meddle? Oh yes. Could she whine? Ws she stubborn? Intuitively did she know how to slip it between the ribs nd twist, nd then coo course. guilefully for forgiveness? Of 35 University of Iow is collborting with JSTOR to digitize, preserve, nd extend ccess to The Iow Review

3 But time hs sved sying from the rubble of her people: Alleh klles? zynen sheyn, lleh meyssim zynen jrum. All brides re beutiful, ll the ded re holy. Donkey pizzle! he thinks t his rivl, worm turd! Then he burbles his hevy lips in frustrtion. Oh he wnts this drwing by Seghers, relly just sketch not even the size of vrnish rg, but done one by of the gret msters empssioned of Dutch rt (now, ls, discredited in n ge of tste for dintier fre thn Seghers of the wild, winding lines...). "One hun dred florins." "One hundred nd ten." Some fey young bidder, in bever-collred suit of bottle green, is biting him higher by tens, nd more for lzy fternoon's gme thn for ny understnding of the life behind the drw ing. Tht's the prickle of it: this fellow would rther py florins thn homge. So, "One hundred nd? " Rembrndt is bout to sy "twenty" but why continue dncing stupid little two-step boxes with this irksome heifer? He's two brought hundred florins in his purse. The only other bid der hd out t dropped eighty. "One hundred nd sixty florins." There's tht hlf--breth of stillness in the wrehouse. Clerly Bever Collr is done; he fingers wiffley dismissive gesture through the ir in front of his nose, s if to sy he'll be competitive, yes, but not... foolish "Well bid," the uctioneer on sings the brink of disbelief, "well bid by mster Rembrndt vn Rijn of the most discerning eye..." nd then mundering tril of oilier s compliments, if in fer the sle might other wise never become officil. But Rembrndt hs shut off his ers. He isn't in the wrehouse, nd the wrehouse isn't in Amsterdm or on nywhere God's Erth. There's just this one sptil burning bridge of vision between his eyes nd the drw ing, he owns it, he cn enter it, he could wnder its chrcol lnes ll dy, could stretch his hnd nd rest it on chrcol riling Seghers sketched, nd when he lifted it off, he'd see his whole plm colored chrcol... In the essy "On Collecting," Jed Perl dmits nd detils "the grubbi ness of the collector's life. or Brekge, exggerted inccurte descrip tions, boredom, petty betryls, overspending, regret," nd of course "the terms of the mrketplce." 36

4 But he lso reports smll tlk by Sm Wgstff ("probbly the most interesting photogrphy collector in Americ"), tlk tht ws " deeply serious defense of collecting, kind of ethics of collecting. Collectors, Wgstff rgued, often lbor to preserve spects of the pst?ephemerl publictions, mrginl works of rt?when these re things heded for the trsh bin, overlooked by the trditionl custodins of culture... Wg stff's collector ws kind of odd mn out, conservtionist of the mn mde pst, nd Wgstff's remrks took trjectory tht mde collecting seem strngely pure, clen pursuit." I'm not climing this sufficiently explins ech miniscule clssified d in n ntiques newsletter's swtch of bck pges: someone's seeking "Nzi dggers & other SS someone prphernli," (I'm not inventing is in this) need of "old rubber enem bgs w/nozzle, for privte collection," some one: "PAYING TOP DOLLAR FOR 1920's LADIES IRON HAIR CRIMPERS!!!" But who wouldn't cre to dwdle in the lvishdom oftht five-story rose brick house on Sint Antoniebreestrt? Chrles L. Mee, Jr., gives sense of the wonderful jumble mssed by the lter 1630s, worth quoting in full: "Among mny other things he hd little pinting of pstry cook by Adrien Brouwer, still life of food by Brouwer, scene cndlelight by Lievens, scene moonlight by Lievens, rising of Lzrus by Lievens, hermit by Lievens, cst plster of two nked children, lndscpe by Hercules some Seghers, smll houses by Seghers, wooded lndscpe by Seghers, Tobis by Pieter Lstmn, smll ox by Lstmn, portrit hed by the gret Rphel of Urbino, mirror in n ebony frme, mrble wine-cooling bucket, wlnut tble, copper kettle, n embroidered tblecloth, n ok stnd, some rre Venetin glss, Chinese bowl filled with minerls, smll bckgmmon bord, lrge lump of white corl, n Est Indin bsket, bird of prdise, mrble ink stnd, bin filled with thirty-three ntique hnd wepons nd wind instruments, bin of sixty Indin hnd wepons, rrows, jvelins nd bows, bin of thirteen bmboo wind instruments, hrp, Turkish bow, seventeen hnds nd rms cst from life, collection of ntlers, four crossbows nd footbows, five ntique helmets nd shields, styr's hed with horns, se lrge plnt, seven stringed instruments, gint's hed ( gint's hed?), skins of both lion nd lioness, pinting by Rphel, book of prints by Lucs vn 37

5 Leyden, 'the precious book' by Andre Mntegn, book of prints by the elder Brueghel, book of prints by Rphel, book of prints by Tem pest, book of prints by Crnch, book with lmost ll the work of Titin, book of portrits by Rubens nd others, book full of the work of Michelngelo, book of erotic by Rphel nd others, book of Romn rchitecture, bskets full of prints by Rubens, Jcob Jordens nd Titin, book of woodcuts by Alfred D?rer, pinting by Frns Hls, n pistol, ornmented iron shield, cbinet full of medls, Turkish pow der horn, collection of shells, nother of corl, forty-seven specimens of lnd nd se nimls, Moor's hed cst from life, n Est Indin sewing box, severl wlking sticks..." Now he jingles the forty florins left in his purse, nd won't hed home without the se monster cleverly csses of monkey nd shrk. sewn together from the txidermied cr The question isn't one of ownership, but stewrdship?enbling sep rte objects, mybe even seprte moments, to trvel inviolte for stretch, untouched by Time. Isn't tht my ttempt? I'm twelve: I'm sprwled in the livingroom, forcing my gze from comic book pge to wtch her flurry of esy exper tise t the lineup of Mson jrs, hlf-listening to the Yiddish wrble under her breth. And: I'm forty-two, I'm looking nd I'm listening bck t the sme. Between those poles-of-me, chrge of preservtive rcs, in which I hold her, sok her fully in it, mke of her collected thing. The size of sint on dshbord: Grndm Nettie Pickling in Kitchen light. Held sttic by these vrious mperes nd scchrines, historicized, tht scene yers their reoccurs unchnged when I wnt, its detils cler through thirty of episodes tht otherwise grow or stigmticlly jgged erode t edges grin by grin. The comic book is the current Green Lntern 3, December (number 1960; he ws my fvorite superhero then, with his "power "emerld oth": I'll tell you bout him lter). Her song is bittersweet undultion, de-dah, de-dah, de-de-de ring" nd his 38

6 DAH, oi-yoy, the lst plintive phrse stretched thin to nerly brek ing: mine liebe, mine liebe, my love, my love. The light is the light of lte fternoon, nd it denses itself in tufts of her hir tht hve unsprung from the bun s if blossoming of memories re escping her hed, on fire. In the bsement below us, my fther, her son, is "doing the books," s he clled it, over sitting hopelessly ledger of ccounts tht, opened, seemed to me to be bout the size of refrigertor, nd just s cold: n oblong you could enter nd hve the door lock on you. Once month, tht to hppens my fther. He goes to tke quick look t the rent nd grocery holding, nd we need to drg him out hours lter, bck into the lnd of the humn. The bsement is where we've stored ill-fitting clothes nd miscellneous linens, where the dog pouts overnight, with his bowls of liverish mush nd wter, with his "pissy post" surrounded by fnned-out newspper. Here, in corner, my fther positioned desk nd thrift shop pe-green file cbinet. This is where he comes to corrugte his forehed over the ngst of household expenditure. I know it doesn't sound pretty but, if I think of its loss, sticky ffec tion sludges through my system. I love the isles in old-fshioned office supply shops. Here, I'll find similr ledgers; when I lightly run my fingers over the deep-imprinted mottling of their fke blck lether covers, or when I look t the stcks of spools of pper tpe of the kind he'd use in his clunker Neolithic "dding mchine," punching numbers clumsily his forefinger, I cn feel the profound emotion?the rw, fmilil in with cring? tht kept him in t plce tht desk until the ws job done. And I cn't help but feel, some gwking through sleek new CompuCenter with its blip ping "electronic money mngement progrmming/entertinment moni tors" redy to cure me forcibly of brbric on dependence pper or clips sentimentl ttchment to those docile flocks of "jumbo" ersers the pink of bubble... gum I cn't help fer, luddite me, tht replcing the world of Fried Grfunkle's Pper Goods & Office Notions with these tr?s trim temples of hi-tech mens engineering replcing, too, the simple generosi ties nd ritul persevernce with which he sw our sfely house through choppy fiscl wters, down there with the tpe of the dding mchine unspooling entry by entry into the night like cptin's log. It's the sme willful ppliction of love I'll see through the crcked-open bthroom door when he's testing her pee for dibetes, dropping the tblet 39

7 into tht richly-mber vil nd witing for its lchemicl ply of color chnge?this, twice week. Or helping her with her ntiquted button hook shoes. (Could she be belligerent, noodg, noodg, noodg??oh yes.) Or helping her, long pst the dys of her need for vnity, unwrp the eqully ntiquted iron hir crimper, heting it, curling the lst sd skimplets of gry. I remember the smell of singed hir over floting her folding-bed. Amol un izgeven iz nito.?once it hynt ws; no more. tody, 2. The Theory of Hwthorne's Notebooks "Something like this hppens, it's crzy?then everything's crzy." I'm silent t my end of the 750 miles; the phone line fills with pinprick crckles. Crig tries clrifying his grief: "I men, we were together fifteen yers," nd he goes on on?i'm to (nd pying) tlk bout missing the or shring, helping Gylene pck up for the move to her own prtment, "I still tlk to her, do you know tht??to n empty spce tht follows me round." The dy before, I'd phoned Gylene. She'd sid, "It hurts inside, like twigs re snpping ll of the time. I'll strt some smrt rejoinder t conference, nd: snp, nd then I'm just string hed with wterfll eyes like loony toon." I've known them for ten of those fifteen yers, two s people s snugly hinged the wings of diptych. Now this. It is crzy. "Then," he sys, "dividing up the collections!" These were the signs of their love, toy tj mhls by which their herts' ineffble ws whoopdedo mde visible. Miniture books (the gintmost four-postge-stmps size), ech scouted out indeftigbly with strictness of pssion tht mtched the pssion tht fshioned those thumbnil mrbled endppers. 1920s nd '30s Mexicn hndcrved crousel horses one (seven, mdly chmping long wll of their second-story prtment); they were chnced-on in the erly dys when even pinchpenny grdute students might corrl these eternlly fiery-mned lime nd corl beuties. And (convened beneth the Big Top over ptiently decde of crosscountry one entire set hunting) of inchling Schoenhut circus figurines from three genertions go, not only the clowns, the trpezist s, nd dncing bers, etc., but the tents, the bnners, the cges nd feed the zebu, 40 everything. troughs, the comet-pinted center ring?the girffe nd

8 "Albert, listen"?i've clled Crig up from rodside telephone booth in the middle of Nowhere, Oklhom: of course I'm to going listen? "we're even now we cre nerly forty, bout ech other's feelings, we're civilized humn beings, nd there we were t four in the morning, bck in the lley, howling the living piss out of our systems, over fighting the ringmster. Over the goddm three-inch ringmster. "Gylene ws going to me punch one, I could red it in her muscul ture, but hlfwy there she turned it into the crck of n invisible whip, see?? she ws the ringmster, I ws down on my knees in the glss nd the burger wrppers, I ws n niml being tmed, nd then J ws the ring mster, she ws on her bck... The only sving grce is, nobody clled the police. It's crzy." These re the people whose friends consult them regulrly for resoned dvice. This is the couple tht sleeps like spoons. "Lst night... I thought if only I could find some sensible thing to hold to, So I looked in the nything. newspper." Over the roll of dustbowl wind, I her the soft rttle of Dily Clrion pges, the clering of stgey phlegm. "'In London, pedestrin ws killed lst night when n unknown ssilnt threw turnip t him from pssing cr. Also hospitlized womn who suffered severe stomch injuries fter being hit by cbbge. London police'?blh blh blh." Pge-turn. "Stmford, Connecticut. 'Tttoo rtist Spider Webb hs opened Br Museum, exhibiting 100 Yers of Brssieres, including tin foil br, Plexigls br, nd cockroch br.' Then he's quoted." Pge-turn. Voice is going wtery now. "'A 21-yer-old Phoenix womn ws sentenced to jil for leving her 18-month-old dughter locked in closet for eight dys, when' get this" (his voice is only the thinnest " gurgle) 'she went to the to hospitl hve nother.. bby.' "It ws ll like some system for the crziness I ws mplifying feeling. Albert, relly: wht kind of cosmos is this?" ws The nswer from the strt of Hwthorne's Americn Notebooks is: the cosmos is cler, nd clm, nd considered in prtite, in lnguge eqully cler nd clm. "A wlk down to the Juniper. The shore of the coves strewn with 41

9 bunches of seweed, driven in by recent winds. Eel-grss, rolled nd bun dled up, nd entngled with it,?lrge mrine vegetbles, of n olive color, with round, slender, snke-like stlks, four or five feet long, nd nerly two feet brod: these re the herbge of the deep se." These re the book's first words, from June of 1835; its entries continue for eighteen yers, nd not once is the gret tsk flinched from: looking the world in the eye, nd then finding the words for its shrpest deline tion. "The villge, viewed from the top of hill... It is musing to see ll the distributed property of the ristocrcy nd commonlity, the vrious nd conflicting interests of the town, the loves nd htes, compressed into spce which the eye tkes in s completely the rrngement of te-tble." Tht sme dy, he writes of "the one-rmed sop-mker, Lwyer H--, wers n iron [who] hook," nd, lter, he bothers to note, "The green is deeper in consequence of the recent rin." He's to lwys redy cpture Nture: sunsets, tidelines, rinstorms, flocks nd swrms, "nd n enormous eel... truly he hd the tste of the whole river in his flesh, with very prominent flvor of mud." But relly ll of the things of this world re mde spce for. "A withered, yellow, sodden, ded-live looking womn,?n opium eter." on "Objects whrf? huge pile of cotton bles, from New Orlens ship, twenty or thirty feet s s high, high house. Brrels of molsses... csks of linseed oil... iron in brs... Long Whrf is devoted to ponderous, evil smelling, inelegnt necessities of life." And there's nother world, lso ccommodted. As s nturlly noting fternoon's lengthening shdows or fll's first russets, Hwthorne writes tht "the spells of witches hve the power of mets producing nd vinds," tht "when we shll be endowed with our spiritul bodies, I think tht they will be so constituted tht we my send thoughts nd feelings ny dis tnce in no time t ll." For every on updte sunrise, there's some we struck tripse through lndscpe forever in hze, "body possessed by two different spirits," " book of mgic," " phntom," " prophecy." It reminds me of rndom pging through huge volume of Rembrndt's unprejudiced eye. Here, Christ preches, bcked n by ngle of s sunlight substntil s newel-post. There, womn brusquely rises her orchidy underskirts, to squt to piss. The ngel ppers to Abrhm. A rt-killer peddles his service. 42

10 The mny worlds re one world, finlly; Hwthorne cn't drw the line. He sys, "I hve observed tht butterflies?very brod-winged nd mgnificent butterflies?frequently come on bord of the slt-ship, where I m t work, where there re no flowers nor ny green thing. I cnnot ccount for them, unless they re the lovely fntsies of the mind." I clled Gylene from town tht consisted, it seemed, of gs pump, the pump ttendnt, nd two thin chickens tht looked s if for yers they'd been used to wipe dipsticks. One hlf-hour down the highwy, I clled Crig. A mn should worry, t the frilty of strong friends. Even their csulness disturbed me, it ws something like tepot bet out from bttleship plting: its origin couldn't be hidden. Yes, I've promised them both t their seprte numbers, I'll cll gin tht fternoon, from Austin, Texs. A few minutes lter, I pss n overturned crew-cr of tr, which hs to spred be blck circle bout the size of mjor resort hotel swim ming pool?nd even so,the lndscpe I'm driving through dwindles it to demitsse serving. I live in Wichit, Knss now. For ten yers, though, I lived in Austin; when I left (t the end of one of those enervting bouts of post-divorce I crouse-cwm-depression) left ner crtons thirty of miscellneous books, old mil, nd ppers in Jim Mgnuson's keeping stored in the UT English Deprtment's lock room. "They wnt to mke it lounge now, buddy." And so I ws coxing the Dodge Colt south through Oklhom, pst the beckoning exit for GENE AUTRY, pst the A/A rhyme scheme exit sign for the brother cities WAYNE PAYNE, through the ironed-flt plins oftht stte, in bd August lull where the het sets up shop in your mrrow nd dels its product from there, down memory lne, up cffeine rushes, eventully pst my fvorite Dlls exit sign, CAMP WISDOM RD. I could hve used some of its wres. I only vguely remembered wht ded notes nd doodds were hodgepodged into those crtons, nd I'd done without them smrtly enough for two good Wichit yers. I should hve hd Jim order them huled to the dump. Except I couldn't hve, of course. They'd been mine nd the ghosts of my fingerprints eddied, countless tiny wethermps of storms, bove them yet. They'd been mine, nd they clled, nd I herkened. I cme with fresh 43

11 flt boxes nd tpe, to redo it ll fitted to my cr. Ten hours there, ten bck. An idiot's errnd. I couldn't let go. "Three-pronged steel forks..." "The soul..." Wht Hwthorne's notebooks do is give us such rich collection from this oll-podrid plnet of ours, the crziest elements fit. Rembrndt's oeuvre, the sme. "The thing is, you nd Gylene, your story is one just pge, nd you're stuck on it, reding it over nd over. Tht's wht your psyche needs to do now, red it over nd over. Mybe nother extrneous or prgrph three drift in from... newspper, sy; but not to enough give you sense of the whole collected shmeer. "But lter, dy, yer, who-knows-when, lter?you'll red the big picture. Your own pge won't seem so crzy, believe me." Bck in my divorce dys, Crig would cll up three, four times night, delivering similr pep tlks. So: I'm phoning him from Austin. Louis Simpson hs poem tht strts but The first time I sw pwnshop I thought, Sheer insnity. A revolver lying next to cmer, violins hnging in the ir like hms... eight lines lter he's come to see the Theory of Hwthorne's Note books; he tells us, "Ech hs its plce in the universe." But Crig is little comforted by my theory, s it turns out. "Albert, listen: I wnt my unhppiness over, I don't need to her tht it hs its own niche in the Scheme of Things." Well, mybe. But it ws my best shot. "Lte lst night I couldn't sleep, my rm kept stretching into her spce in the bed, like extending it up-to-the-elbow into n lternte dimension. "Just to tke my mind off everything, I whmmoed They Sved Hitler's Brin into the VCR. You remember." I remember. Yers go, when J ws sore in need of cheering up, we wtched it: '63 Z-level piece of schlockol tht (wouldn't you know it?) by now hs ttrcted its own "cult following." 44

12 Edited from footge shot in the Philippines (we think) nd in Americ (though neither looks to hve been wre, when the cmers were rolling, tht it ws mde for wedding with the other), nd with cr crsh "bor rowed" from Thunder Rod, the plot is incoherent; but s I recll, sci entist's beutiful dughter nd stlwrt son-in-lw (the love interest), somehow dventure through "Mndors," Ltin Americn bnn republic, sving civilized life from bnd of retired Nzis who own the hed of Adolf Hitler, nd htch big plns for finding der F?hrer nother body nd over tking the world with stockpiled cnnisters of nerve gs. A book on spliced-tripe cinem puts the title chrcter's contribution this wy: "Through it ll, the brin of'mr. H.' (s he is respectfully known) is represented by gooey, wxed fce poured into pickle jr nd hooked up to bubbling, crckling, hissing life-support systems." Got it? "Albert, get this: I wouldn't tell nyone else: but I ws worn so rgged, tht when the dewy-eyed glnces tht pssed for love scene strted, I begn sobbing, dry sobbing, right there in my underwer. Tht's right, you herd me. "Seriously sobbing." Gylene sys: "Mybe it ws 5.m. Did he tell you? I got the circus. Big del. But you should see how we bttled bout it. "I st down in front of it, thinking it might help me forget. I willed myself, my whole self, to be just the size of my eyes. Do I hve screw loose, or wht? And then I wlked through the midwy. "I thought?how cn I sy this??i thought I'd tlk to my fvorite ones. The clown with the pompom cp, who juggled ornges nd tenpins. The womn who does bllet on the rump of glloping horse. The lion tmer. I even herd the clliope music. OOMphph, OOMphph. But ll of them: I'd bought them with Crig, they ech hd story. Who we hd to hggle with, wht corner cobwebby of wht slopped shop we rooted through, where we were in our lives then. Whole summers, in some cses, fish fries nd wlking the pier. "It rose up from ech of the figures, grdully, this foggy twin. Do you see wht hurtful I'm sying? The mjorette couldn't twirl her bton without this mjorette-out-of-fog coming up behind her. 45

13 "And me-of-fog, nd... him-of-fog Anywy," pulling herself together, "by tht time it ws morning. I dressed nd left for work." Hwthorne is filled with ghosts. In groups or singly, climing protgonist's shre of ttention or simply weving between the lines like old smoke in pillow, blck-htted, primly bonneted, dour, they bow in scerdotl greeting from the pst, they ccuse, they won't be polished off the brss like ny common smudges, they mist t the window, they well up the throt nd brndy won't help, they linger. On some pges, wlking the streets of Concord or Slem mens s s wlking through ghosts hevy oper drpes. A one: clssiclly imgined "A seen ghost by moonlight; when the moon ws out, it would shine nd melt through the iry substnce of the s ghost, through cloud." Wht might he hve done with lter, west wrd sensibility? Ghosts of disenfrnchised Sioux nd Comnche, ghosts of pssenger s pigeons flocking thick s s pudding, showing visibly, moisture on the cheeks. In every culture there's some version of the tle where the monkey is trpped?his fist in the cookie jr, robbing it overmuch, is too full, nd he cn't slip out. But he won't give up even one cookie. He thinks it's the jr tht won't let go. Every ghost hs jr tht keeps him here. We see them t or on night; dmp nd blery dys, rin mking gry twill of the ir. Let go, they're sying, let go of us. There's promise from three genertions bck tht needs mending; there's n unopened trunk; there's n xe; there's locket. Let go-o-o-o-o of us. 3. Lnguge Lessons Fun yidishe reyd ken men zikh nit opvshn not clense you of Jewish tlk. in tsen vssern.?ten wters will My grndmother took n H (it ment hert: she'd hve to be checked); they strted to led her wy. The enormous room receiving ws brutl ssult of confusion: clmor, tngles of lines, you didn't know for wht, 46

14 but hed womn ws crying out No, no, no, like child. Close to fifty immigrnts sprwled in corner in different degrees of lssitude. A girl bout eight, with shved sclp, plyed with filthy rg; you could see dull welts, from scrtching, lined her crnium, s if she were some kind of medicl chrt. "By the bsket t the window," my grndfther sid. These were his first words since they'd been sent to this line n hour before. The totl of ll the words he'd spoken since docking erly tht morning couldn't hve been much more thn three times tht. They'd lerned, on the long wy over, to hold such luxuries s speech, or even obvious shows of ffection, in reserve. It ws fith: tht their ffection wsn't ded, but in beynce. Now she wnted to weep t his brief nd sudden Yiddish. A hunger for more of it wshed through her, she wnted him shouting it t these fer men shlooginer nd women in their soiled green uniform jckets, she thought if he stopped speking Yiddish right now, he'd be dropping the one fryed rope tht still ttched them t ll to the world she ws born in. In 1881, Alexnder III pursued wht Irving Howe clls " stedy nti Jewish policy"?this is trnsltion of wht ws often drunk foot soldier ripping intestines out of freshly svged sixteen-yer-old girl, nd wving them overhed for trophy. "The shtetl to begn empty portion of its youth into the slums of Wrsw, Viln, Lodz, Minsk,.. Bilystok." nd, eventully, New York. Once just word for the hellish section belowdeck, steerge hs come to men, for my grndprents' people, the whole of trnsition experience: homeless, hungry, cut nd stunned, nd then the nrrow oilstined stir wy down to hrd drk shelf, for being stored like scks of col bove where the stirring-screws trembled twenty-four hours. "Someone bove me vomited stright upon my hed...""... the bbies throwing up even their mother's milk..." "... in their berths in stupor, from brething ir whose oxygen hs been mostly replced by foul gses." The lnguge went with. "It ws the word tht counted most. Yiddish culture ws culture of speech, nd its God God who... spoke Neither set nor formlized, lwys in rpid process of growth nd dissolution, Yiddish... n cquired interntionl scope, borrowing freely from lmost... every Europen lnguge intimtely reflecting the trvil of wndering, exile." 47

15 It's not to singulr the Jewish trdition, of course, tht nming it cuses it to be (in the Myn Popol Vuh, for instnce, "the first word" precedes "the fce of the "Let erth"). there be light," nd everything hierrchiclly follows, out of this ur-nnosecond utternce. When Adm nmes the ni mls on Eden's plins, he specifies tht generl cretion: kudu, dodo, cs sowry, tpir, lemur, xolotl, emu, kiwi, kodik, kol, nrwhl, dog, lmb, snke nd ngelfish. Noh repets this originl nming t the gngplnk, checking them off by twos. They're herded bord, the crowded nd terri fying journey begins, nd then they're brusquely disembrked, wobbly nd to needing strt the world new. My grndprents knew this concept s The Dispor. The clouds broke nd they lnded t Ellis Islnd. They hd one pper stchel of clothes, some Yiddish proverbs, nd their nmes. Wht he ment, she understood, ws "We won't leve this room until we both meet t the bsket, then we'll leve together." She shook her hed no: "Under tht picture of ships." The bsket might dispper, picture hung up ws sfer bet. She'd lerned, the lst few yers, to mke these swift decisions in fvor of hlf-degree's greter ssurnce. He ws too worn even to wink t her svvy modifiction. Then, led to her line, she ws lost inside nother hundred just like her. The picture ws of two fint-sepi stemships, ironing out some sepi wves. He wited ptiently, crumpling his ht, then crefully shping it bck gin. To left nd vst right, numbers of even newer rrivls were being processed. They fixed 5,000 s dy the officil number, but some dys the truth ws closer to 15,000. were People being questioned, for retrdtion. In one room, he knew, he'd been there, medic ws lining up the men nd "doing" their sses s csully nd s quickly if sorting mil; he only jerked his glove in the dish of disinfectnt ech ninth or tenth cse. (<Oyyy..." A womn, in line to hve her eyelid cresed bck. (The eye disese trchom cused more thn hlf of ll the medicl detentions.) Where ws Nettie? Women out of sight were whimpering. He tried to listen but none of the words in the ir mde sense, nd most of wht he herd s "tlking" shded off, immeditely, into noise. Now Nettie's rm ws folded lightly in his, from nowhere it seemed, from out of the brrcks dinge, nd by her fce he knew she'd pssed wht 48

16 ever rcne crdic ws guntlet required. Without word, they wlked to the outside ril nd brethed New York over the wter. She looked bck: of course, the bsket ws gone. Did she hve the right wll?? even the sepi ships hd disppered. They were off: the hwsers whipped up, the ferry bucked. Wht did he see, with his okyed eyes, nd his okyed wife beside him? Not much, fog ws low, you couldn't see three feet hed. The hrbor reeked, nd the ferry chopped through it with equl pungency: fet cheese in splotchy wheels, old mttress ticking, susge in hogbowel csings, tins of gresy fethers, sheves of lether, wrinkled dried fruits knotted up in kerchief, bbies' bottomrgs. They docked. Somewhere he'd lost his ht. The dock workers' voices, more strnge thn the gulls'. Then they were t "the Pig Mrket," Hester ner Ludlow. The streets were... you see? They didn't hve the words. A welter of pushcrts sorted the little lte-fternoon light: peches penny qurt, lrm clocks, cucumbers floting in milk tubs, wtch it buddy, fster, kpow, by the hundred, whores, look move it, wgons huling the Christin proselytizers, boy not over twelve distributing crds with the whores' ddresses, neckties strightened just so, tht's my plce mc, crcked eggs, the boxing mtch this, hey sugr, the boxing mtch tht, beneth these new Americn ngels: pigeons, gry nd men. Sys Irving Howe, "The density of the Tenth Wrd... shortly fter the turn of the century ws greter thn most of the worst sections of Bomby." And, "The first English expressions tht struck my er foreign s I wlked through the ghetto tht... were dy 'shrrp' (shut up) nd 'grrrrehere' (get out of It here). took me little while to lern tht the English tongue ws not restricted to these two terms." They rested ner the scissorsmn, his grindstone throwing off sprks. Nettie st on their single stchel. She wished he hdn't lost his ht, the wy his hir ws thinning. She knew how he could be bout tht. Drikop, she told herself, "silly hed." How much hd they lost, this lst yer, nd here she ws worrying over ht. "They got s some help for greenhorns." He'd put down scissors to motion cross the street, then he repeted his sttement in Yiddish? lndsmn! Ws she insne? She wnted to rech t his tzedr?yt, lips nd ctch it ll s leving, if they might be tiny birds. 49

17 "They'll get us rooms? A " job? My grndfther knew of such gencies, even hd some nmes folded into his pocket; still, in the midst of the tumult, this news ppered incredible. "Sure. Now,.. plese." to (switch "I English) dunt gots d time." And bck to the turning wheel. Tht s evening, borders in tenement flt, they ech unscrewed door nd set it on two low fish-smelling crtes, nd so hd side-by-side beds in room where four other people lredy snored. The room ws dim, but she could see one sleeper's upturned cheek ws fissured with scrs; they were thin, s if mybe knife. My grndfther tied string from his to leg the stchel. Whispering. "Wht's Srh doing bck home, do you think?" He thought. "I don't know." Silence. "This is our home." "It ws some dy, yh?" "Yes. This ice with the flvor in, it ws good." "But still, it ws some dy." "Yes." "Srh must be closing "I sid I don't know." "I Hrsh: only (Alredy coming.) Silence...." "I-sid-I-don't-know." the trouble ws up the strting. shop by now, with the new In tht dim room you could goods." still see it Then, mking light of his ire: "Ah, why don't I shrrp." They held hnds, slb to slb. When it ws cler tht their roommtes would sleep through pogrom, he slurred her lullbye in his lte-night fter-some-vodk voice of the old dys, Netteleh, Netteleh, zing mirlideleh, trcing tightening circles over her brests. But he fell into sleep the first, wery mn on the fidgeting end of string. She couldn't sleep, there ws this plnk inside her s stiff s the door beneth. She wlked the two flights down to the stoop, too wery herself to feel cution. For while she only stred with pssive fixity t the scrps of on moving moonlight trickle of filth in the gutter cross the wy. She strted singing then, childhood tune in lightheded hush, Mm mkes with the te for me, Pp mkes with the When I honey, grow up I'll dnce ll 50

18 dy, And buy white lce with my money. A street dog trotted up nd forthrightly rested its hed in her lp. It ws rgged nd, from wht she could tell in the hlf-drk, seemed to be the color of wen. She stroked its snout. "Dt's pretty song, ldy." "Yh, yh, pretty. Pretty-schmitty. From long time bck." "Dun't be so cynicl, kiddo. A voice like yours, like lrk on d ving, troo' d fields?hoo! You could rule dis crpped-up vorld." "So show me this lrk. So show me this field, Mr. Big Shot Dog." "Veil... howzbout I show you d crpped-up vorld prt? I gots mit plenty of dt." "From tht, I don't need no seeing more." "Oh, like it or not, you gonn, tshtskleh. Up nd down, morn to moon, vork nd liddle more vork. s My veil fce it down mit your til up, dt's vht us round." "Yh, sure, why not?" "Mr. Groner "Yh, Loner Dog?dt's yh." Dog, dogs sy. Look, I come by sometime, I show you Mr. Boner Dog, Mr. Howler mit Growler mit me. You'll me some zing more? A lideleh?" "Oky by me. So tell me: you in't puzzled, dog should be " dis here to you? tlking "First, hoont, you're drem. The second, you mke me more sense in my hed thn ny tlk yet in Americ." "Fletterer. Go bck now. Go, sleep by him." like "Yh, sleep..."... sleep (joking:) "Grrrrhere." It ws mongrel. It rzzed the ftct boys, it bltted out its ss, it dnced in circles with God for prtner, it boozed nd it shmoozed nd it pryed ll night in the col cellr under the buttery light of few thumbs of tllow?this Yid dish. It resourcefully lopes into History, from the bsin of the Moselle nd the bnks of the Rhine, round 1100, qudruhybrid: Rbbinic Hebrew, 51

19 Old French, Old Itlin, nd Middle High Germn, lnguge in serch of sint nd n ll-night poker gme, this Yiddish, this mongrel, this bck street ptchwork creture, suspect, coupling in the lley crnnies, thiev ing, len nd wry nd rolling phlegm in its throt s rich s spermwhle oil. Somewhere in between the blzing gtes of Heven nd the bckstge door of burleyque joint, its oy nd ich re bickering, dickering, giving out the yoohoo window, scented with brethy mishmsh of lox nd ksh nd stomch bile. Over five hundred Yiddish words hve officilly crossed into Webster's. From the erliest dys, the New York ws ghetto home to flexible "Yinglish." Sy one ffluent week you scrounge n extr nickel or two, you sunter to the sod to prlor. Resturnting, foreign shtetl Jew, "is spreding every dy," the Forwrd Jewish reported in You tke the missus's rm, you go for double dip: oysesn, "out-eting." But lnguge lgs. The trolleys swoosh their first fierce time before your greenhorn eyes, with the confusing force of Ezekiel's roil of wheels, nd the words for it don't ctch up for while. Our sense of the future requires tht wit, Bronowski sys. Once input flshes whmbng into the brin, it enters period of "reflection, during which different lines of ction re plyed through nd tested." Memory, which Bronowski defines s "the storing of signls in some symbolic form, so tht they my be used to revive our senses in the future," is possible only "if the initil... response is to delyed long enough seprte some bstrct mrker nd fix it in the brin. This is bsiclly linguistic mech nism." In this wy, lnguge nd memory enble?in some sense, even my be?ech other. Willim Gss: "I remember?i contin pst?prtly becuse my friends nd fmily llow me to repet nd polish my tles." In Louis Simpson poem, "Profession of Fith," the speker understnds tht memory of his wife "in the... grden reching up, pulling brnch," nd of purely fictionl figure spectrlly "floting in mid-ir," re relly equivlent: "The things we see nd the things we imgine, / fterwrds, when you think bout them, / re eqully composed of words. / / It is the words we use, finlly, / tht mtter, if nything does." Gss gin: "To know is to possess words... we nme con incessntly, serving chievements nd customs, nd countries tht no longer exist." She stnds in the kitchen, preserving. Light goes se-green in the Mson 52

20 jrs, the smell of brine pinches the ir. Or she's not there t ll, no, she's humming her Yiddish ditties nd it's 1911, her hir is n inky plit to her wist, his lips re over idly jittering the smll of her bck s she's singing for him, low, slow, soulful version of villge tune they'd do together reining the wgon up to its ril t Srh's shop for tnnery goods, nd then she'd invite them for sweet te, with the smovr winking the lees of the sun off its sloped copper shoulders, n heirloom, she insisted, from the grndmother she most missed... conserving countries tht no longer exist 4. Bundles They pid for one-room prtment by now, crte tht nightly floted them over the dreck nd commotion. Both of them worked, though hers ws prt-time semstressing for two or shopfront three removes from the mjor grment district myhem. And, in slck times, she could bring her bskets of rough cloth home: they'd ply tht she ws ldy of leisure. "Shit!" She'd pricked her thumb. She didn't so much lern the word, s hve it simply seep into her from the streets, n inerdicble brown dye streking her stndrd lessonbook English. He tried to, but couldn't, drum home its difference from her other, ntive imprection, "Feh!" nd in time it replced the erlier word completely. Once, when they were n hving rgument: "Cn it!" she blurted, no less surprised thn he ws, "Bloney!" But nothing stopped Mr. Hoont from visiting. Loneliness could sum mon him, or werying toil; she suffered both, nd through her hzed hlf wkefulness, he'd grdully mterilize, lwys with hrmless leer or with news mde-up from the Old Country, Ysh ws doing this now, Srh tht. At these times, English shinnied out the room's one window nd down the drinpipe. Yiddish filled the room then, every sentence like burning-red bouquet set into milkglss vse, until the spce round her ws roses nd fire.? And my grndfther? he hd his own compnion, not dog, zdybbuk, spirit, streetwise guy in slnting derby. Anywy, tht's wht the voice ws like. It hovered outside the window some nights while she ws sleep, it hovered there s if on cloud of streetstink-nd-squbble. Forget the it pck, told him. You cn leve it ll behind you, guy. It's esy, just trust me. Let go-o-o-o-o of it... 53

21 About the pck: "In the cities of the North," sys Howe, "during the yers of industril expnsion, peddling ws bckbreking nd soul-destroying work." He quotes Morris Witcowsky on his merchndise pck: "... weighed bout hundred nd twenty pounds, eighty pounds strpped to the bck nd forty-pound 'blncer' in the front." Then you wlked, you climbed, the tenement stirs of the ghetto blurring to one enormous tredmill. Knock. Who is it? DryYYY GooOOOoods. Get out of here you show your hook nose fce gin I'll kick your ss cler bck to Roosi. Twelve hours dy of this, until t the end the ws pck the brin, the rider, nd you were its well-whipped best. "You wnt bisseleh ice crem?" he sked her. "No, but I come with." She set down the sewing? yellow strip of buttonholes in bsket of strips of buttonholes. "Mybe just for the ir, yes? Some fresh ir." He ws silent. The light in their single room ws often lost hlfwy to the floor, so giving it the thick look of n qurium of ill-kept wter. Even with the window opened, the ws feeling often one of uncut murk. "It would be nice, the fresh ir." "I herd you, Nettie!" He spoke, though, in the direction of the pck. It filled one corner. There ws night when she woke, he ws snoring exhusted beside her, nd she thought she sw it twitch in the gloom, then grow in front of her eyes. Too much ws new, "the wy people wlked, the rhythms of the streets, the division of the dy into strict units of time, the disposl of wste, the reltions mong members of the fmily, the exchnge of goods nd money." And Howe continues, "Tht symptoms of socil disloction nd even pthology should hve ppered under the extreme circumstnces in which the erly Jewish immigrnts lived seems unvoidble." Gngs were common, especilly gngs of pickpockets, "grifters," nd up to 30 percent of ll delinquents brought before the Children's Court of New York in 1906 were Jewish. On some streets?allen, Rivington, Stn ton, Delncey?prostitution flourished. "Dncing cdemies" trined young girls nd recruited pimps, "cdets." The Yiddish term for "whore," of course, nhfkie or koorveh, long preceded the wve to Americ; nd still, for some, it's surprising to see such obviously Jewish 54

22 nmes on ppering lists of offenders: "Len Blum, Id Ktz, Sdie Feld mn..." on They squtted stoops, exhibited thighs tht bulged like overripe bries. Some knitted, some chewed Russin sunflower seeds, they squeezed their brests with rude duck honkings. And here, the fmous hoodlums?legs Dimond, Little? Kishky, Spnish Johnny, ll Jews concocted their pprenticeship swindles. Husbnds bndoned their fmilies. Pressures nd tempttions were extrordinry, fter ll. Of requests for finncil relief mde to United Hebrew Chrities in 1903 nd 1904, 10 to 15 percent cme from deserted women; by 1911, Ntionl Desertion Bureu hd been estblished. For yers, the most populr were the "Bintel Brief" fetures of the Yiddish newspper the Forwrd (the Bundle of Letters"), where reders wrote in with their crises, nd the "Gllery of Missing Husbnds," where, s typi cl instnce, Bessie Cohen would be "looking for Nthn Cohen my hus bnd, n umbrell peddler, 22 yers old, the little finger of his right hnd is bent. He bndoned me nd five-month-old $25..." bby in gret need. I offer The dybbuk ws Let busy. go-o-o-o-o of it... The ir down in the streets ws fresher, mrginlly. The gret mchine tinged winds of the elevted's pssing cltter quivered those dense heted blocks of rom tht rested bove their designte pushcrts: fish spillings, hrdening butter, mushbodied cbbges. A broomstick-nd-tincn gme of bsebll one corner. hogged On Allen Street, the girls yoohooed nd flshed their nkles in plyful scissoring kicks. "No, Nettie. We go down some other wy." "Yes, hoky." She'd been distrcted by the rgtg gme of bll, the gnglier older plyers, nd one befuddled six-or-seven-yer-old who ws wddling bout with sopping pntsfull?for while now, she'd been thinking of children. But then: "Oh, wit. It's Len. Leeen!" "Nettie." A tug. His hnd like mstiff t her blck sleeve. "Wit, it's Len. Len!" Hlfwy down Allen, Len crossed her mety clves nd wved bck. " "You know such womn? The pck hd been hevy ll dy with thousnd weights, nd now this. "This is Len," she sid, to sense beginning the enormity of the situ tion, wht she'd strted in crossing socil boundry for compnionship's ske, her English beginning to stumble under the stress, "from Crcow. 55

23 Nu? She me geb butter, to her I geb slt." Something in his look. "She mkes my friend." You trded butter for slt, bck then, nd there, it mde you friend. Prouder in repetition, nd s if the nked fct of it undid net of lesser considertions, "She mkes my friend." This extr weight, this thousndth-nd-one. He felt his eyes grime over with some emotion he hd no word for, not in ny of his lnguges. "Come, Nettie. We go now." The el rttled pst; this close, they both could feel shiverings inside their bodies like dishes nd ewers precriously shelved. "We go down Allen Street, yes? Slt I give her, is ll. For the pickled herring." "You do not know such women." with "I hve eyes, I see things. You know such women." Then he clled her nme. It would be short. To sy hello Len. In the wke of the el, the silence becme like third prty stnding there them. "I think you go bck, for the pck," she sid. "In it you put your clothes nd your chuchik for the cigrettes nd your knife." She pused. "You will not no more live inside my house." She'd never before sid nything so softly, nd by this he knew its sincerity. He ws gone tht night. She stepped in the spce where the pck hd been. Its bsence ordered the room round it, s s definitely its presence hd. "Shit! Shit!" nd she pulled her hir. Then she fell to the floor nd ws weeping into her bsket of cloths, she wept now for the first time since he'd shouldered his belong ings nd stepped through the door. Her eyes poured it lvishly out, she imgined the bsket spilling it onto the bords. Her lst thought, right before sleep: tht Len could come for this bundle of slt now, could bor row s much s she wnted. The monster cme flying. It missed his hed by inches, unstitching prt in mid-ir, the shrk hlf flling grcelessly into puddle on the fter-rin cly, but the monkey hlf continuing in high rc, with its stuffing showering out of its undone bottom, nd swg of dirty linen triling out of the sme, snpping like pennnt. 56

24 "No! And no! And no!" Hendrickje ws screming t him from where she stood in the doorwy, ech no deep-throted volleyed into the lne with the ngry strength she'd given to pitching the curio. Rembrndt shuffled there, speechless, ngry in turn (the 200 florins ws his commission, not hers) nd shmed (but wsn't it true she'd been count ing ech crrot these dys, ech sem in hem, nd wht could he expect when she returned from the mrket with fishtils for the broth becuse nything svorier ws beyond their meger mens this week, nd witing for her in the hush of the on prlor, tek bse, ws Mthilde, s he'd tken to clling his purchse, Mthilde n wering overturned tulip on her hed to crown her "Queen of the.. Deep".) nd then ngry no gin, not t Hendrickje posing with her hnds on her proned hips in clssic pique, nd not with himself, but simply with circumstnce, tht hd brought them together, nd then hd brought them to this. He gingerly lifted the shrk-hlf, t shrugged its once lumpishness, sighed (histrioniclly: she ws wtching, still), then turned nd shmbled off. He'd snugged Mthilde's wet netherprt under one rm, nd sketchbook under the other. Somewhere in between the house on the Rozengrcht (for this is where he lived now, hving lost the erlier showplce-of--dwelling) nd the syngogue (for tht ws his destintion) he let go the rtty remnnt of shrk; he couldn't even remember where or how. But the sketchbook he gripped s if it would flot him over these recently troubled wters. The sketchbook ws where he would sty for the fternoon, until he ws heled of ire nd guilt. He esed himself up to the shdow-side of pillr (they didn't ll like being sketched, these Sons of Dvid), unwrpped stick of chrcol, nd let the nimbleness tht lived in his run fingers free. "Going Jewing," neighbor of his hd derisively termed it. Alright then, he ws. The fces here were cresed nd hurt nd determined in wys he'd never seen in ny other Amsterdm fce, though sometimes they reminded him, crzily enough, of n unworldly gunt cheeked berded look he'd seen in certin fish t the mrket he privtely thought of s "High Priest fish." "... no other Amsterdm pinter did s mny portrits of Jews s Rem brndt. One scholr hs guessed tht bout fifth of Rembrndt's por trits of men re Jews?this t time when the Jews represented perhps one percent of the popultion of Amsterdm. This would fit with the gen 57

25 erl impression tht Rembrndt gives of temperment moved more by personl wrmth thn by ideology." [Chrles L. Mee, Jr.] Some of his friends were Sephrdie Jews, educted, ssimilted denizens of the culturl life. But t tody, the syngogue, Rembrndt is sketching t furiously the fces of Ashkenzim, newly rrived from Polnd: the women in shwls nd slipping wigs, the men in tunics concocted of grin scks tied by rope t the wist, nd their fces!?inwrd-looking, etherel nd yet tuber-like fces! One is cnt nkering with comptriot now, nd he plces finger longside his nose, for every point of logic he scores... Becuse I'm trying to write of how nd we sve over why things time, I'll quote wht Kenneth Clrk sys, "He hd lwys loved pinting Jews: he sw in them repositories of ncient wisdom nd n unchnging fith."... nd lmost s quickly, finger in chrcol tkes shpe longside chrcol nose. 5. Zmlers "Becuse I'm trying to write of how nd we sve over why things time," I wrote, nd ment both definitions of sve: "to collect" nd "to rescue." "The word for it is hemshekh," Aron " Lnsky sys, 'continuity.' " Ln sky sweeps n open hnd t 700,000 Yiddish-lnguge books on the floor of renovted pper fctory in Holyoke, Msschusetts; there re 200,000 more in the Ntionl Yiddish Book Center's primry office, nd six- or seven hundred donted volumes week re still received. "This is from the world Hitler tried to destroy." In 1980, when ws Lnsky twenty-four, he founded the Center with ernings from summer of migrnt blueberry picking in Mine. The Cen ter consisted of government-surplus typewriter nd picnic tble. Ten yers lter, Lnsky heds network of 100 volunteer zmlers ("collectors") nd 8,000 dues-pying members. Not ll of the titles re wrehoused; some lredy hve "been returned to circultion, restored to the life of books" for reders in Brooklyn, Thilnd, Gum, or Tokyo. "As ntive spekers pss on, the books become the sole ccess to the lst thousnd yers of Jewish history." It's s if he lives in sentence, t exctly the tom inky of sentence, where the word rzed puns into rised. "They're giving up librry," Ln 58