5 June 2017 Hash 2055

Transcription

1 5 June 2017 Hash 2055 Otherwise known as the: Everyone in this photo is smiling because they didn t realise they weren t even at the halfway mark. Only Karma seemed to sense something was amiss

2 HASHMEISTER: Teaboy HARES: Knob Jockey & Spinster VERDICT: Too long!, Too short! (obviously, this second comment was uttered by someone suffering from dehydration or a healthy sense of sarcasm), Rubbish arrows!, Longest run of the year! Indeed, despite having been promised by Spinster that it would be a leisurely 5km or so, one or two clocked in at 11+km (admittedly, those one or two did do the Teaboy Tour of Reem Island and the red flags should ve gone up when she also mentioned it had taken her and KJ three days to mark the trail.) SCORE: Minus one rainbow (in reference to the kaleidoscope of chalk used). NEWBIES: No new runners but one or two new faces. Hopefully they ll stick around long enough to become old faces. CELEBRATIONS: What She Said recently celebrated his half-century, although he doesn t look a day over a half-century. All the other 50-plussers were called into the middle (too many to shame name here) but then they couldn t remember what they went there for. LEAVERS: Comes Down Quickly is going to three countries in three weeks. From the scribe s scribbly notes, one of these countries is either Italy or Onion no idea what the other two are. RETURNERS: WSS and Shag N Fly are back from New Zealand, Just Kim and Just Damian returned from Beirut and Tarhole rejoins us from Peru. HASH SOCIAL: AUH4 Progressive Dinner Thursday 15 7:00pm Mystery still abounds regarding the exact details of this event but suffice to say you will be fed and watered in the best possible company. PLEASE NOTE: Attendees must pay up (100AED each) by next week s run (12 June 17). Rehydration Run 10 November 2017 Abu Dhabi Hash Ball 4 May 2018

3 NEXT WEEK S RUN: Used Condom starting us off from behind Mushrif Palace. She recommends you bring a camera. RELIGIOUS ADVICE: RA kicked off by berating everyone for the miserable quality of singing. Just Andrew helpfully suggested that we should perhaps have some kind of sheet of paper that the songs are listed on. If only life were that easy Just Andrew and Dirty Digger were then called in for talking in the circle, although I suspect they were both discussing how best to manufacture this miraculous Sheet of Songs that he had recently invented. The hares, Knob Jockey and Spinster, were brought in for marking the trail with every colour of chalk conceivable except any colour that can be seen in low light. Just Andrew was pinged for arriving fashionably late, although not as late as his sister. Quac Twat was forced to interrupt her romantic balcony dinner for two (eating ice-cream with her cat) when she saw us all running past her apartment. According to my notes, she later coughed up a hairball. Minder was called in for driving like an Emirati (which I presume means according to the road rules and the posted speed limit) and then for saying he s not a Coke person after tasting Coke Zero for the first time (but, to be fair, if it doesn t have sugar in it, what s the point?). Teaboy and What She Said copped a down-down for taking the scenic tour route. They were both so parched by then that any liquid (except Coke Zero) was welcomed. Front running bastards (Jack Off Daniel and the other usual suspects) were brought in for running so fast that they missed the arrows. Non-singers were hauled into the circle for moving their lips without making any sound. (This sheet of songs invention just cannot come soon enough ) All the female runners were called in for ignoring the first Hold Check. Seriously, it couldn t have been explained any clearer (see below):

4 Adding insult to injury, Teaboy and Threeway were down-downed (pun intended sorry) for tripping respectively on last and this week s run. 3W s was more dramatic and sympathy-inducing because she ended up like this: Many were worried that she would not be able to participate in the Dubai Atlantis trip. Yeah, whatever:

5 Finally, Just Kim and Just Damian (as well as a couple of others) are still yet to be named. But we thought we d start with the Irish/Canadians first. What we know so far about them is that JD is into golfing and football and his favourite farm animal is the dog. That is about as helpful, with regards, to hash-naming, as being told he is Pisces and likes long walks on the beach. JK, on the other hand, favours the cow, standing up (even my notes can t tell me where this comes from), golf and not eating cheese. So, from this Smörgåsbord (that s Swedish for sarcastic) range of embarrassing and incriminating information we have on these two, the hash-pack has suggested the following hash-name options (which, at this stage, could apply to either): Blonde Bush Bushwhacker Cheese In My Hole Cheesy Bush Eats No Cheese Foreplay Crust Stopper Single Bush Irish Twins Bushmill Twins Birthday Bush Kate s Bush Unsurprisingly, the naming has been deferred until we can get some more dirt on these two. Why are Irish-Canadians so difficult to find dirt on? So, until then: On On!