Homework! Oh, Homework!

Transcription

1 Homework! Oh, Homework! Homework! Oh, Homework! I hate you! You stink! I wish I could wash you away in the sink, if only a bomb would explode you to bits. Homework! Oh, homework! You're giving me fits. I'd rather take baths with a man-eating shark, or wrestle a lion alone in the dark, eat spinach and liver, pet ten porcupines, than tackle the homework, my teacher assigns. Homework! Oh, homework! You're last on my list, I simply can't see why you even exist, if you d just disappeared it would tickle me pink. Homework! Oh, homework! I hate you! You stink! by Jack Prelutsky

2 Discovered by: Aura My Pig Won t Let Me Watch TV My pig won t let me watch TV. It s totally unfair. He watches anything he wants but doesn t ever share. I never get to watch cartoons or anything like that. He s busy watching farming shows. I should have got a cat. I should have got a goldfish or a guinea pig or goat. Instead, I ve got this pig Who s always hogging the remote. - Kenn Nesbitt

3 I asked for a hot dog Discovered by: Phoebe Everything On It with everything on it, and that was my big mistake. Cause it came with a parrot, a bee in a bonnet, a wristwatch, a wrench, and a rake. It came with a goldfish, A frog, and a front porch swing, And a mouse in a mask. That s the last time I ask for a hot dog with everything. By Shel Silverstein

4 Found by: Sydney S. Hello Summer! By Gregory K. Pincus Goodbye, classroom! Goodbye, teach! You can find me at the beach Or in the park or at the pool Or any place that isn t school. Goodbye, quizzes! Bye, reports! Hello days packed full of sports And days when I m just lazybones While eating melty ice cream cones.

5 Found by: Taylor I wanted Macaroni I wanted macaroni and ate eleven bowls, and then a dozen doughnuts, including all the holes. I ate a hundred onions, and wept a salty tide. I ate two dozen carrots- I m solid gold inside. By Jack Prelusky

6 Hare is Resting on My Head Discovered by: Madison My hare is resting on my head. I also have bear feet. A swallow s in my throat and there are calves below my seat. A seal is on my lips today. A slug is on my fist. A mussel s on my should and a tick is on my wrist. A wasp is on my yellow jacket there it likes to bee. A fly is on my zipper, though I wish that it would flea. My doe is in my wallet and my sole is on my shoe. I hope my tail is not a boar. What s gnu, my deer, with ewe? By: Kenn Nesbitt

7 My Brother Poked a Porcupine My brother poked a porcupine, which was a great mistake. My mother had hysterics when she stumbled on a snake. My sister fell into a creek, she s cold and soaking wet. My aunt upset a hornet s nest, an act we all regret. I sat in poison ivy, I ll be itchy in a while. A skunk sprayed both my uncles, now they smell extremely vile. My father stepped in something he would rather not discuss We love our weekly nature walks, they re always fun for us. Jack Prelusky

8 Found by: Phoebe Fairies By Evelyn Stein Grandfather says that sometimes when the stars are twinkling and A new moon shines, there comes times when folks see fairyland. Grandfather says a blue moon is best for fairy light And in a peach-bloom, maybe, if I look I shall see a little fairy baby no bigger than a bee!

9 Unhappy Here Mail me somewhere, Mail me somewhere, Wrap me and pack me And mail me somewhere. Parcel Post, UPS, Regular mail or Air, All wrapped up in brown paper That won t rip or tear, With stamps on my forehead And strings in my hair, And a tag on my butt that says Handle with Care. Paste on any address, It won t matter where, Illinois or Kentucky Or Delaware. Cause wherever it is, I ll be happier there- So please ship me send me Mail me somewhere. By Shel Silverstein Discovered by: Riley

10 Discovered by: Derek Fireworks BANG! There goes another one, Screaming as it goes. It s getting high, Up to the sky, And fizzle there she blows! WHOOSH! Up high above the house, Behind a trail of sparks. Yellow, orange, Red and white, Exploding in the dark! By Gareth Lancaster

11 Discovered by Kendall It's Raining Gumballs! It's raining gumballs! It's raining gumballs! It's quite a wondrous treat. They're falling from the clouds above and bouncing off the street. It's raining gumballs! It's raining gumballs! A sticky, spectacular shower. I try to catch them in my mouth for hour upon hour. It's raining gumballs! It's raining gumballs! I'm not sure of the reason, But I'm glad instead of just the four, we've not got gumball season! Arden Davidson

12 One Day I ll Be By: James McDonald Discovered by Luis Today at school, my teacher said, I wonder what you ll be? When time has passed and you ve grown up, And the world is yours to see. Right then and there I stood straight up, And looked her in the face. And said with pride and confidence, I plan to live in space. Like pirates of so long ago. My ship will take me far. Around the moon and back again, And into a distant star. So when you talk about the world, And say it s yours to see. I believe I ll have the greatest view, Upon the cosmic sea.

13 Discovered by: Aura Kitty Caught a Caterpillar Kitty caught a caterpillar, Kitty caught a snail, Kitty caught a turtle By its tiny tail. Kitty caught a cricket, With a sticky bit of thread, She tried to catch a bumblebee, The bee caught her instead. By Jack Prelusky

14 Discovered by Frankie Rules for My Dog By Ashley Elementary 2 nd grade students Don t lick my face, Don t mess up the rug. Don t bite my neck when I give you a hug. Don t fight with your brother cause that isn t nice. Don t scratch when you re near me, cause you ll give me lice. Don t bark in the evening When I m fast asleep. I don t want tot wake up When I m counting sheep. Don t jump up on me when I walk through the door, cause you ll scratch my pants and my legs will get sore. I wrote down these rules, I d hope they d be followed. He thought it was homework, He chewed it and swallowed.

15 Discovered by Lucas The Football Game Blitz and blocking, bump-and-run Drive and drop kick, the other team s done. End zone, end line, ebb and flow Snap, sack, scrambling, I love it so Football is fun and fabulous too Let s go to the stadium, just me and you. Written by: Alan Loren

16 The Homework Machine The Homework Machine, Oh, the Homework Machine, Most perfect contraption that's ever been seen. Just put in your homework, then drop in a dime, Snap on the switch, and in ten seconds' time, Your homework comes out, quick and clean as can be. Here it is--"nine plus four?" and the answer is "three." Three? Oh me... I guess it's not as perfect As I thought it would be. by Shel Silverstein

17 Discovered by: Nicholas My Dog Does My Homework My dog does my homework at home every night. He answers each question and gets them all right. There s only one problem with homework by Rover. I can t turn in work That s been slobbered all over Kenn Nesbitt Homework, I LOVE You Homework, I love you. I think that you re great. It s wonderful fun when you keep me up late. I think you re the best when I m totally stressed preparing and cramming all night for a test. Homework, I love you. What more can I say? I love to do hundreds of problems each day. You boggle my mind and you make me go blind but still I m ecstatic that you were assigned. Homework, I love you. I tell you, it s true. There s nothing more fun or exciting to do. You re never a chore, for it s you I adore. I wish that our teacher would hand you out more. Homework, I love you. You thrill me inside. I m filled with emotions. I m fit to be tied. I cannot complain when you frazzle my brain. Of course, that s because I m completely insane. Kenn Nesbitt

18 discovered by: Madison Dog Ate My Homework My dog ate my homework. That mischievous pup got hold of my homework and gobbled it up. My dog ate my homework. It s gonna be late. I guess that the teacher will just have to wait. My dog ate my homework. He swallowed it whole. I shouldn t have mixed it with the food in his bowl. Kenn Nesbitt

19 My Teacher Ate My Homework My teacher ate my homework, which I thought was rather odd. He sniffed at it and smiled with an approving sort of nod. He took a little nibble it s unusual, but true then he had a somewhat larger bite and gave a thoughtful chew. I think he musthave liked it, for he really went to town. He gobbled it with gusto and he wolfed the whole thing down. He licked off all his fingers, Gave a burp and said, You pass. I guess that show they grade you When you re in cooking class. Kenn Nesbitt

20 By Shel Silverstein

21 Today is not a Good Day Today is not a good day. I woke up sick in bed.. My stomach has a stabbing pain that s spreading to my head. My knees are weak and achy. My eyes are full of flu. I fear I may contaminate; I have a fever too. I cannot see. I cannot breathe. I cannot read or write. My eyes are shut. My nose is blocked. I m not a pretty sight. I cannot lift a finger or move a tired toe. My throat is hot and scratchy. The answer s simply NO I cannot go to school today; I m awfully sorry too, this had to happen on the day my book report was due. Rebecca Kai Dotlich

22 My Lunch A candy bar. A piece of cake. A lollipop. A chocolate shake. A jelly donut. Chocolate chips. Some gummy worms and licorice whips. A candy cane. A lemon drop. some bubblegum and soda pop. Vanilla wafers Cherry punch. My slept in while I made my lunch. Kenn Nessbitt Discovered by: Milan

23 My New Pet I asked for a pet. He said, I ll take you shopping. My father took me to a store where animals were hopping. He asked me, Which one would you like? So I picked out a puppy, a parakeet, a rabbit, plus a gerbil, and a guppy. I also picked a monkey and a yellow Siamese cat, a turtle, snake, and lizard, plus a very big rat. My dad said, If you want a pet, then you will have to feed it. Instead, I picked a storybook. I cannot wait to read it. Bruce Lansky

24 Found by: Phoebe Bear in There There's a polar bear In our Frigidaire He likes it 'cause it's cold in there. With his seat in the meat And his face in the fish And his big hairy paws In the buttery dish, He's nibbling the noodles, He's munching the rice, He's slurping the soda, He's licking the ice. And he lets out a roar If you open the door. And it gives me a scare To know he's in there That polary bear In our Fridgitydaire. Shel Silverstein

25 Nicknames My aunt calls me Elizabeth. My grandma calls me Liz. My sister calls me Lisa,. and the baby calls me Wiz. My uncle calls me Betty, While my grandpa calls me Beth. My brother calls me Dizzy Liz, or sometimes Lizard Breath. My teacher calls me Betsy, and my friends all call me Bess. I find these nicknames more annoying than you would ever guess. I wish that they would call me by my real name instead, I simply HATE those nicknames see my name is Fred. Kenn Nesbitt Found by: Edmond

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28 Found by: Sydney H. Shining Star As the days go rolling by, You have to keep reaching for the sky. Let no one steer you away from your course Cause you are your only energy source. Keep on soaring both near and far; Your light constantly shines, You re a shining star. Natasha Niemi

29 Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me Too Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too Went for a ride in a flying shoe. "Hooray!" "What fun!" "It's time we flew!" Said Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too. Ickle was captain, and Pickle was crew And Tickle served coffee and mulligan stew As higher And higher And higher they flew, Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too. Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too, Over the sun and beyond the blue. "Hold on!" "Stay in!" "I hope we do!" Cried Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too. Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle too Never returned to the world they knew, And nobody Knows what's Happened to Dear Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too. Shel Silverstein

30 Discovered by: Thomas Last Night I Dreamed of Chickens By Jack Prelutsky Last night I dreamed of chickens, there were chickens everywhere, they were standing on my stomach, they were nesting in my hair, they were pecking at my pillow, they were hopping on my head, they were ruffling up their feathers as they raced about my bed. They were on the chairs and tables, they were on the chandeliers, they were roosting in the corners, they were clucking in my ears, there were chickens, chickens, chickens for as far as I could see... when I woke today, I noticed there were eggs on top of me.

31 Discovered by: Maddis Put Something In By Shel Silverstein Draw a crazy picture, Write a nutty poem, Sing a mumble-gumble song, Whistle through your comb. Do a loony-goony dance Cross the kitchen floor, Put something silly in the world That ain t been there before.

32 Discovered by: Zack W. flag One star is for Alaska... One star is for Nebraska... One star is for North Dakota... One star is for Minnesota... There are lots of other stars, But I forgot which ones they are. ~Shel Silverstein

33 Attack of the Vegetables Found by: Phoebe Clouted by sprouts, And harassed by carrots! Poked by the beans, And screamed at by salad! Poisoned by cabbage, And pinched by the peas! Tripped by the spinach, And peppered with seeds! Hair pulled by parsnip, And bruised by tomato! Glared at by swede, And thumped by potato! Battered by beetroot, That pinch, punch and poke! Slapped by the onions, And Arti, who chokes! Gareth Lancaster Found by: Phoebe

34 I Love to do the Laundry I love to do the laundry. I mean it. I don't mind because I get to keep whatever money I might find. I know it sounds ridiculous. I'm sure it must seem strange. But every time I wash the clothes I find some pocket change. I found a dollar yesterday. Today I found a ten. I'm certain that tomorrow I'll find money once again. You see, I have a strategy. (I guess that's what you call it.) And sometimes I just accidentally wash my father's wallet. --Kenn Nesbitt Found by: Thomas

35 My Brother s Invisible Dragon My brother s invisible dragon Is practically always around It s roughly the size of a rhino, and doesn t make much of a sound. My brother insists that his dragon has scales of indelible green. I wonder how he knows the color of something that cannot be seen. I ve never been able to spy it, It won t show itself to my eyes, So when I bump into that dragon, It s always an awkward surprise. My brother s invisible dragon possesses a mischievous flair. It burns my dessert every evening that s why I m convinced that it s there. Jack Prelutsky

36 Found by: Taylor Because I don t Like Lima Beans Because I don t like lima beans, I dropped them in my juice. My mother noticed what I did, and so it was no use. I slyly set my spinach, on the floor beneath my chair. My mother eyes are very sharp, she saw it sitting there. I tried to hide my broccoli behind the window shade. My mother gave it back to me, I was a bit dismayed. Whenever I hide vegetables, She finds them in a blink. It s hard to fool my mother she knows the way I think. Jack Prelusky

37 When I Grow Up When I grow up, I think that I may pilot rockets through the sky, grow orchards full of apple tree, or find a way to cure disease. Perhaps I ll run for President, design a robot, or invent unique computerized machines or miniature submarines. When I grow up, I d like to be the captain of a ship at sea, an architect, a clown or cook, the writer of a famous book. I just might be the one to teach a chimpanzee the art of speech but what I ll really be, I ll bet I ve not begun to think of yet. Jack Prelusky

38 The Loser Mama said I d lose my head If it wasn t fastened on. Today I guess it wasn t Cause while playing with my cousin It fell off and rolled away And now it s gone. And I can t look for it Cause my eyes are in it, And I can t call to it Cause my mouth is on it (Couldn t hear me anyway Cause my ears are on it), Can t even think about it Cause my brain is in it. So I guess I ll sit down On this rock And rest for just a minute. ~Shel Silverstein

39 Smart By: Shel Silverstein My dad gave me one dollar bill Cause I m his smartest son, And I swapped it for two shiny quarters Cause two is more than one! And then I took the quarters And traded them to Lou For three dimes- I guess that he don t know That three is more than two! Just then, along came old blind Bates And just cause he can t see He gave me four nickels for my three dimes, And four is more than three! And I took the nickels to Hiram Coombs Down at the seed-feed store, And the fool gave me five pennies for them, And five is more than four! And then I went and showed my dad, And he got red in the cheeks And closed his eyes and shook his head- Too proud of me to speak!

40 By Shel Silverstein Rock N Roll Band If we were a rock n roll band, We d travel all over the land, We d play and we d sing and wear spangly things, If we were a rock n roll band. If we were a rock n roll band, And we were up there on the stand, The people would hear us and love us and cheer us, Hurray for that rock n roll band, If we were a rock n roll band, Then we d have millions of fans. We d giggle and laugh and sign autographs, If we were a rock n roll band, If we were a rock n roll band, The people would all kiss our hands. We d be millionaires and have extra long hair, If we were a rock n roll band, But we ain t no rock n roll band, We re just seven kids in the sand With homemade guitars and pails and jars And drums of potato chip cans. Just seven kids in the sand, Talkin and wavin our hands, And dreamin and thinkin oh wouldn t it be grand If we were a rock n roll band.

41 Please Don t Read This Poem Please don't read this poem. It's only meant for me. That's it. Just move along now. There's nothing here to see. Besides, I'm sure you'd rather just go outside and play. So put the poem down now and slowly back away. Hey, why are you still reading? That isn't very nice. I've asked you once politely. Don't make me ask you twice. I'm telling you, it's private. Do not read one more line. Hey! That's one more. Now stop it. This isn't yours; it's mine. You're not allowed to read this. You really have to stop. If you don't quit this instant, I swear I'll call a cop. He'll drag you off in handcuffs. He'll lock you up in jail, and leave you there forever until you're old and frail. Your friends will all forget you. You won't be even missed. Your family, too, will likely forget that you exist. And all because you read this instead of having fun. It's too late now, amigo; the poem's nearly done. There's only one solution. Here's what you'll have to do: Tell all your friends and family they shouldn't read it too. --Kenn Nesbitt Found by; Sagan

42 Needles and pins, Needles and pins, Sew me a sail To catch me the wind. Sew me a sail Strong as the gale, Carpenter, bring out your Hammers and nails. Hammers and nails, Hammers and nails, Build me a boat To go chasing the whales. Chasing the whales, Sailing the blue Find me a captain And sign me a crew. Captain and crew, Captain and crew, Take me, oh take me To anywhere new. Needles and Pins by Shel Silverstein

43 My Teacher Took My ipod My teacher took my ipod She said they had a rule; I couldn t bring it into class or even to the school. She said she would return it; I d have to take it back that day. But then she tried my headphones on and gave a click on Play.. She looked a little startled, but after just a while she made sure we were occupied and cracked a wicked smile. Her body started swaying. Her toes began to tap. She started grooving in her seat and rocking to the rap. My teacher said she changed her mind. She thinks it s now okay to bring my ipod into class. She takes it every day. - Kenn Nesbitt

44 My Mother s Chocolate Valentine By Jack Prelutsky I bought a box of chocolate hearts, A present for my mother, They looked so good I tasted one, And then I tried another. They both were so delicious That I ate another four, And then another couple, And then half a dozen more. I couldn t seem to stop myself, I nibbled on and on. Before I knew what happened, All the chocolate hearts were gone. I felt a little guilty, I was stuffed down to my socks. I ate my mother s valentine I hope she likes the box.

45 Jellyfish Stew Jellyfish stew, I m loony for you, I dearly adore you, Oh, truly I do, You re creepy to see, Revolting to chew, You slide down inside With a hullabaloo. You re soggy, you re smelly, You taste like shampoo, You bog down my belly With oodles of goo, Yet I would glue noodles And prunes to my shoe, For one oozy spoonful Of jellyfish stew. Jack Prelutsky

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47 I Never Sit on Scrambled Eggs By Jack Prelutsky I never sit on scrambled eggs, I know it isn t right. I never swim in pudding, it s considered impolite. I never mash bananas in my sister s curly hair, and seldom stuff spaghetti down my brother s underwear. I do not dance in oatmeal, it makes messes on the floor. I do not juggle gelatin, at least not anymore. I do not swing at watermelons with my baseball batmy mother says the things I do are worse than all of that!

48 Garlic Breath Little Seth had garlic breath- Said hi to his sister and breathed her to death. Breathed on the grass And the grass all died. Breathed on an egg and the egg got fried. Breathed on the air and the air turned green Breathed on the clock and it struck thirteen. Breathed on the cat and the cat went moo. Breathed on the cow and the cow gave glue. Breathed on his brother, His brother went blind. Breathed on his mother And she s lost her mind. Breathed on a top And made it spin. Breathed on the house And the walls caved in. Breathed on his feet and they ran from Seth. Just to get away from his garlic breath. By Shel Silverstein

49 One sister for sale! One sister for sale! One crying and spying young sister for sale! I m really not kidding, So who ll start the bidding? Do I hear a dollar? A nickel? A penny? Oh, isn t there, isn t there, isn t there any One kid who will buy this old sister for sale? This crying and spying young sister for sale? Shel Silverstein

50 Eletelephony bylaura Richards Once there was an elephant, Who tried to use the telephant- No! No! I mean an elephone Who tried to use the telephone- (Dear me! I am not certain quite That even now I've got it right.) Howe'er it was, he got his trunk Entangled in the telephunk; The more he tried to get it free, The louder buzzed the telephee- (I fear I'd better drop the song Of elephop and telephong!)

51 I m digging for diamonds. I m digging for gold. I m digging for silver that s shiny and cold. I m digging all day and I m digging all night. I m digging for rubies all sparkly and bright. I plan to get famous. I plan to get rich by digging up gemstones in ditch after ditch. And yet, from these ditches I ve dug in the ground, there weren t any diamonds or coins to be found. I haven t got silver or rubies, you see I just have my mom and dad yelling at me. For though I found nothing From digging from dawn, my parents found holes where we once had a lawn. Digging for Diamonds By Kenn Nesbitt

52 Boa Constrictor Oh, I m being eaten By a boa constrictor, A boa constrictor, A boa constrictor, I m being eaten by a boa constrictor, And I don t like it one bit. Well, what do you know? It s nibblin my toe. Oh, gee, It s up to my knee. Oh my, It s up to my thigh. Oh, fiddle, It s up to my middle. Oh, heck, It s up to my neck. Oh, dread, It s upmmmmmmmmmmmmmffffff By Shel Silverstein

53 Calendar Poem Thirty days hath September, April, June, and November; All the rest have thirty-one, Except for February alone, Which has only twenty-eight days clear And twenty-nine in a Leap Year.

54 Waiter, There's a Dog in My Soup There's a doggy in my soup dish. There's a canine in my cup. The waiter brought a bowl out and I found this grubby pup. His fur is simply sopping. He's wet from head to toes. He's got some peas upon his paws and noodles on his nose. He doesn't look too happy. His eyes are filled with tears. Or maybe that's just chicken soup that's dripping from his ears. I'm sure I asked for noodles. I got this dog instead. I wonder how this happened. Was it something that I said? I guess I must have mumbled. I'm such a nincompoop! It seems the waiter heard me ask for Chicken Poodle Soup. --Kenn Nesbitt My Kitten Won't Stop Talking My kitten won't stop talking. She just prattles night and day. She walks around repeating nearly everything I say. My kitten never says, "Meow." She never even purrs. She mimics me instead in that annoying voice of hers. She waits for me to speak, and then she copies every word, or begs me for a cracker, or says, "I'm a pretty bird." I'm not sure what to do, and so I simply grin and bear it. She's been this way since yesterday; that's when she ate my parrot. --Kenn Nesbitt