Clearing Emotions After Social Events:

Transcription

1 Clearing Emotions After Social Events: When we get anxious socially, we often beat ourselves up about it during and afterwards. During the social event it s likely that old negative emotions stuck in past traumas got triggered that sometimes linger until far after the social experience. We often do not accept our social anxiety, judge ourselves for it, and we have all sorts of emotions about our situation, and we worry about our ability to overcome it. Dealing with all this is exhausting. It can drain our spirit and cause us to feel overwhelmed and this often leads us to avoiding taking any action other than looking for a way to distract ourselves from our pain. Tapping on all of what gets triggered and comes up for you during and after a negative social experience empowers you tremendously. Some of this tapping you do in the actual steps of the SCS. But it is important that you do the exercises in this article after each challenging social anxiety because: 1. You clearing the negative emotions prevents you from carrying that additional stress with you into the next social situation. 2. You healing old wounds (the negative emotions from past traumas that got triggered) strengthens your core, makes you more resilient, higher on self esteem, and may soften your anxiety 3. Tapping on your anxiety triggers causes you to eliminate some of the finite amount of social anxiety triggers you have, moving you closer to being anxiety-free 4. You overcoming the negative emotions and negative limiting beliefs about your ability to overcome your social anxiety keeps you motivated to move forward 5. You gain relief, feel better, and return to feeling calm and safe So getting triggered and having a negative social experience, while it can be emotionally draining, difficult, hard, and painful is actually something tremendously beneficial as you get to clean up a lot of stuff, strengthen yourself, and move a step closer to feeling safe and at ease socially every single time. See the exercises below for easy instructions.

2 NOTE: In the Steps on Acceptance and Subconscious Resistance in the Social Confidence System you will be releasing many of the negative emotions about your social anxiety and situation, as well as your negative expectations about overcoming your social anxiety. The exercises and tap-alongs there are similar to the ones here. But overcoming these negative expectations/negative emotions about overcoming your social anxiety is likely something that you will have to do several times as you will keep getting triggered with anxiety. Once you clear the negative expectations/negative emotions several times you ll start to gain trust that you will overcome your anxiety as long as you persist. Persistence is key for your success.

3 The Exercises There are three common sets of negative emotions that typically come up after a painful social experience: I. Negative emotions about what happened. II. Negative emotions about future social events III. Negative emotions about your capability of overcoming social anxiety To clear the negative emotions about what happened, use the three tapping formulas below.

4 Tapping formula I. Negative emotions about what happened: Start tapping on the Karate Chop point (KC) and verbalise the following out loud: Even though -X happened- (describe what happened) and -I feel Y- (describe how you feel), and it sucks to feel this way I m willing to consider accepting how I feel anyway Even though -X happened- and -I feel Y-, and it really sucks to feel this way and I want to feel OK again there might be a part of me that doesn t want to let go of these negative emotions maybe it s not safe to let them cause it might happen again maybe I don t deserve to let them go maybe I should punish myself maybe I ll never forgive myself for what happened maybe I don t want to forgive the people involved maybe they just belong to me and I am this way maybe I can t let them go. maybe it s just impossible to let this go I want to accept both parts of me Even though -X happened- and -I feel Y-, and it really sucks to feel this way and I want to feel OK again there might be a part of me that doesn t want to let go of these negative emotions for whatever reason, whether that reason makes sense or not, or whether that reason is conscious or subconscious doesn t matter, I refuse to let go of these negative emotions, but I might want to consider accepting both parts of me Now start tapping on the points while you verbalise what happened and how you feel: EB X happened SE I feel Y UE X happened UN I feel Y CH X happened CB I feel Y UA X happened LP I feel Y WR X happened TH I feel Y

5 Example: Even though -Jilly ridiculed me in front of everyone- (describe what happened) and -I feel ashamed- (describe how you feel), and it sucks to feel this way I m willing to consider accepting how I feel anyway Even though -Jilly ridiculed me in front of everyone- and -I feel ashamed-, and it really sucks to feel this way and I want to feel OK again there might be a part of me that doesn t want to let go of these negative emotions maybe it s not safe to let them cause it might happen again maybe I don t deserve to let them go maybe I should punish myself maybe I ll never forgive myself for what happened maybe I don t want to forgive the people involved maybe they just belong to me and I am this way maybe I can t let them go. maybe it s just impossible to let this go I want to accept both parts of me Even though -Jilly ridiculed me in front of everyone- and -I feel ashamed-, and it really sucks to feel this way and I want to feel OK again there might be a part of me that doesn t want to let go of these negative emotions for whatever reason, whether that reason makes sense or not, or whether that reason is conscious or subconscious doesn t matter, I refuse to let go of these negative emotions, but I might want to consider accepting both parts of me Now start tapping on the points while you verbalise what happened and how you feel: EB Jilly ridiculed me in front of everyone SE I feel ashamed UE Jilly ridiculed me in front of everyone UN I feel ashamed CH Jilly ridiculed me in front of everyone CB I feel ashamed UA Jilly ridiculed me in front of everyone LP I feel ashamed WR Jilly ridiculed me in front of everyone TH I feel ashamed NOTE: You can simply do it like above, continuously tap on one point while stating what happened, and then tapping on the next point saying how you feel, and then when tapping on the next point saying what happened, then on the next point saying how to you feel and so on. Or instead, you can tell the story of what happened and how you feel as you tap over the points in random order. For example: EB Jilly brought the attention to me when we were sitting around the table SE I already started to feel uncomfortable UE I felt some shame creeping up UN I can feel that shame now CH And then she said that my beard looks ridiculous, and asked others to agree CB I felt so humiliated UA Jilly ridiculed me in front of everyone LP I felt so ashamed WR I feel all this shame right now TH I hate her for doing that

6 Etc. There is no one perfect way of doing this. You are verbalising what happened and how you feel for the sole purpose of keeping you focused in on the negative emotions, because remember: Focus + Tapping = Relief After a few rounds of tapping (one round is all the tapping points once) analyse how you feel about what happened. Keep tapping until you have cleared all the negative emotions about this past experience. Use the troubleshooting below when you get stuck (and, since it is highly likely you need the troubleshooting steps, first go read them before you start your tapping). Important Tip: Look at all the angles of what happened, really get as much emotional release as you can. Consider tapping while focusing on thoughts that have emotions to it like: What others must ve thought of you How you feel you should have done X How you feel you shouldn t have done Y How you feel about what X person did How you feel about what Y person did not do Etc. Ask yourself: What was so upsetting to me about that situation? What was unacceptable about that situation? What stops me from accepting what happened 100% right now?

7 TROUBLESHOOTING: When a belief/emotion doesn t go down to a 0 of 10 (either in how you feel about it or in how true it feels): A. There is most likely resistance to letting go of that belief/emotion. This resistance can in most cases be neutralised by simply verbalising it. Below are some of the most common resistances. Simply state the resistance phrases out loud, one after the other, while tapping over the tapping points. Resistance clearing phrases: I don t believe I can let go of this belief/emotion I don t deserve to let go of this belief/emotion It s not safe for me to let go of this belief/emotion I ll be a different person if I let go of this belief/emotion It s too hard for me, I can t really let go of this belief/emotion I can never let go of this belief/emotion This belief/emotion is part of me I haven t got what it takes to let go of this belief/emotion I can t let go of this belief/emotion completely If I let go of this belief/emotion I ll lose my excuse I refuse to let go of this belief/emotion I can t let go of this belief/emotion for whatever reason, whether that s conscious or subconscious I can t let go of this belief/emotion because -fill in what you guess might be a reason- Example: EB: I don t believe I can let go of this belief/emotion SE: I don t deserve to let go of this belief/emotion UE: It s not safe for me to let go of this belief/emotion UN: I ll be a different person if I let go of this belief/emotion CH: It s too hard for me, I can t really let go of this belief/emotion CB: I can never let go of this belief/emotion UA: This belief/emotion is part of me LP: I haven t got what it takes to let go of this belief/emotion WR: I can t let go of this belief/emotion completely TH: If I let go of this belief/emotion I ll lose my excuse EB: I refuse to let go of this belief/emotion SE: I can t let go of this belief/emotion for whatever reason, whether that s conscious or subconscious UE: I can t let go of this belief/emotion because -fill in what you guess might be a reason- After having mentioned all of the resistance phrases once, focus back on the belief/emotion and continue to tap until you are at a 0.

8 B. If the belief/emotion is not neutralising completely after the resistance tapping, there might be a, or some S.E.E. s (Significant Emotional Experience; a negative life experience) that need to be treated with tapping in order to let go of all the negative emotion/belief. Use the Clearing a S.E.E. articles to neutralise the S.E.E. s and then come back to the negative emotion you can t release. There might be more than one S.E.E. that needs to be released. Use the clearing statements again if need be. Keep in mind that when you cannot get an emotion down, it s in nearly all cases due to either resistance or S.E.E. s.

9 Tapping formula II. Negative emotions about future social events You might have picked up worries, concerns, and fears about upcoming social events as a result of what happened to you. You might worry about running into that person again. You might worry getting into the same situation, and how you will handle it. You might be concerned about what they will think of you, or how they will treat you next time you see them. You might worry about this experience means for how much they respect you. You might fear that someone will pick on you again. You might fear that they will bring up what happened. You might be concerned about what X person now thinks of you. You might worry that your reputation has changed. You might be worried about how you ll act the next time you see X person. Etc. And all these worries, concerns and fears create anticipatory anxiety. I have a special article dedicated to this kind of anxiety, along with specific tap-along formulas to overcome all of this. You find this next to where you found this article. Use it to clear all the fears, worries and concerns you picked up as a result of this negative social experience.

10 Tapping formula III. Negative emotions about your capability to overcome social anxiety After a challenging social situation you may have lost some or all of the hope you had built up to overcoming your social anxiety. It can be really challenging to keep going when you keep getting triggered time and time again. But tapping comes to the rescue. You lose hope as a result of negative emotions. You lose hope when you develop negative expectations. And these can simply be released one by one as you do your tapping. By doing your tapping you release these negative emotions and negative expectations, and you go back to feeling hopeful. As you experience the release of these emotions, you keep perspective (this is a journey, keep taking the steps forward and you keep growing) and you simply keep persisting over and over again, making progress every single time. Use the below formula to release the negative emotions and negative expectations. There are a lot of things that trigger anxiety. But there s a finite number of things that trigger this anxiety. Each time you get triggered, you become conscious of a certain amount of your total triggers. Start tapping on the Karate Chop point (KC) and verbalise the following out loud: Even though when I think of overcoming my social anxiety -I feel Y- (describe how you feel) and I feel really down right now, I m willing to consider that there might be solutions to my challenge with social anxiety, even though it doesn t feel that way right now Even though when I think of overcoming my social anxiety -I feel Y- and while that sucks, there might be a part of me that doesn t want to let go of these negative emotions maybe it s not safe to let them go maybe I don t deserve to let them go maybe I should punish myself maybe I ll never forgive myself for what happened maybe I don t want to forgive the people involved maybe I can t let them go. maybe it s just impossible to let this go maybe I don t want to stop feeling sorry for myself maybe I don t want to let go of these negative emotions because -guess what the reason might be- maybe a part of me that doesn t want to let go of these negative emotions for whatever reason, whether that reason makes sense or not, or whether that reason is conscious or subconscious doesn t matter, I refuse to let go of these negative emotions, but I might want to consider accepting both parts of me Even though when I think of overcoming my social anxiety -I feel Y-, and it really sucks to feel this way I choose to take comfort in knowing that it s just old emotions and my survival mechanism that got triggered I choose to take comfort knowing that it s not my fault, that socialising while in survival mode is very challenging, and I take comfort knowing that I can use what happened today to my benefit by releasing what got triggered one by one I choose to take the perspective that while it s challenging what happened, doing the work to release these triggers moves me closer to where I want to be, I choose to do the work to free myself a bit more right now Now start tapping on the points while you verbalise what happened and how you feel: EB I feel Y SE I feel Y UE I feel Y UN I feel Y

11 CH I feel Y CB I feel Y UA I feel Y LP I feel Y WR I feel Y TH I feel Y Example: Start tapping on the Karate Chop point (KC) and verbalise the following out loud: Even though when I think of overcoming my social anxiety -I feel hopeless, it s too overwhelming, I can t do it- and I feel really down right now, I m willing to consider that there might be solutions to my challenge with social anxiety, even though it doesn t feel that way right now Even though when I think of overcoming my social anxiety -I feel hopeless, it s too overwhelming, I can t do it- and while that sucks, there might be a part of me that doesn t want to let go of these negative emotions maybe it s not safe to let them go maybe I don t deserve to let them go maybe I should punish myself maybe I ll never forgive myself for what happened maybe I don t want to forgive the people involved maybe I can t let them go. maybe it s just impossible to let this go maybe I don t want to stop feeling sorry for myself maybe I don t want to let go of these negative emotions because -I rather keep feeling sorry for myself- maybe a part of me that doesn t want to let go of these negative emotions for whatever reason, whether that reason makes sense or not, or whether that reason is conscious or subconscious doesn t matter, I refuse to let go of these negative emotions, but I might want to consider accepting both parts of me Even though when I think of overcoming my social anxiety -I feel hopeless, it s too overwhelming, I can t do it-, and it really sucks to feel this way I choose to take comfort in knowing that it s just old emotions and my survival mechanism that got triggered I choose to take comfort knowing that it s not my fault, that socialising while in survival mode is very challenging, and I take comfort knowing that I can use what happened today to my benefit by releasing what got triggered one by one I choose to take the perspective that while it s challenging what happened, doing the work to release these triggers moves me closer to where I want to be, I choose to do the work to free myself a bit more right now EB I feel hopeless, it s too overwhelming, I can t do it SE I feel hopeless, it s too overwhelming, I can t do it UE I feel hopeless, it s too overwhelming, I can t do it UN I feel hopeless, it s too overwhelming, I can t do it CH I feel hopeless, it s too overwhelming, I can t do it CB I feel hopeless, it s too overwhelming, I can t do it UA I feel hopeless, it s too overwhelming, I can t do it LP I feel hopeless, it s too overwhelming, I can t do it WR I feel hopeless, it s too overwhelming, I can t do it TH I feel hopeless, it s too overwhelming, I can t do it

12 NOTE: You can simply do it like above, continuously tap on one point while stating how you feel about overcoming your social anxiety, saying the same thing at each point. Or instead, you can free-flow your thoughts and feelings about how (in)capable you feel about overcoming your social anxiety. Simply vent your feelings and thoughts while you tap. For example: EB I feel so hopeless SE I got triggered again, how many times do I have to go through this shit?! UE Why is this happening to me? UN I m afraid I can t do this CH This is so hard CB It will take too long UA I can t do it LP I want to give up WR I m sick of this TH It s impossible to overcome this Etc. There is no one perfect way of doing this. You are verbalising your negative thoughts and emotions/ expectations about your ability to overcome your social anxiety. As you do this whole you tap, the negative emotions will reduce and eventually release. Remember: Focus + Tapping = Relief After a few rounds of tapping (one round is all the tapping points once) analyse how you feel about overcoming your social anxiety. Keep tapping until have regained hope, or you have reached as much improvement as you re able to achieve that day (only you can judge when that is and sometimes you may have to come back to it the next day). Use the troubleshooting below when you get stuck.

13 TROUBLESHOOTING: When a belief/emotion doesn t go down to a 0 of 10 (either in how you feel about it or in how true it feels): A. There is most likely resistance to letting go of that belief/emotion. This resistance can in most cases be neutralised by simply verbalising it. Below are some of the most common resistances. Simply state the resistance phrases out loud, one after the other, while tapping over the tapping points. Resistance clearing phrases: I don t believe I can let go of this belief/emotion I don t deserve to let go of this belief/emotion It s not safe for me to let go of this belief/emotion I ll be a different person if I let go of this belief/emotion It s too hard for me, I can t really let go of this belief/emotion I can never let go of this belief/emotion This belief/emotion is part of me I haven t got what it takes to let go of this belief/emotion I can t let go of this belief/emotion completely If I let go of this belief/emotion I ll lose my excuse I refuse to let go of this belief/emotion I can t let go of this belief/emotion for whatever reason, whether that s conscious or subconscious I can t let go of this belief/emotion because -fill in what you guess might be a reason- Example: EB: I don t believe I can let go of this belief/emotion SE: I don t deserve to let go of this belief/emotion UE: It s not safe for me to let go of this belief/emotion UN: I ll be a different person if I let go of this belief/emotion CH: It s too hard for me, I can t really let go of this belief/emotion CB: I can never let go of this belief/emotion UA: This belief/emotion is part of me LP: I haven t got what it takes to let go of this belief/emotion WR: I can t let go of this belief/emotion completely TH: If I let go of this belief/emotion I ll lose my excuse EB: I refuse to let go of this belief/emotion SE: I can t let go of this belief/emotion for whatever reason, whether that s conscious or subconscious UE: I can t let go of this belief/emotion because -fill in what you guess might be a reason- After having mentioned all of the resistance phrases once, focus back on the belief/emotion and continue to tap until you are at a 0.

14 B. If the belief/emotion is not neutralising completely after the resistance tapping, there might be a, or some S.E.E. s (Significant Emotional Experience; a negative life experience) that need to be treated with tapping in order to let go of all the negative emotion/belief. Use the Clearing a S.E.E. articles to neutralise the S.E.E. s and then come back to the negative emotion you can t release. There might be more than one S.E.E. that needs to be released. Use the clearing statements again if need be. Keep in mind that when you cannot get an emotion down, it s in nearly all cases due to either resistance or S.E.E. s Social-Anxiety-Solutions.com All rights reserved