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2 302, 191 Edwards Way (Station Crossing) Airdrie Clinic Tel: Knock! Knock! Who s there? Humphrey. Humphrey who? Hum three notes and I ll name that tune! Hey kids! Page n Turners is helping Santa this year by accepting your letters and forwarding them to the Big Guy, himself. You stand a great chance at hearing back from the Jolly Fellow if you get your letters in early! Drop them off at: Bay Yankee Valley Blvd., Airdrie Page 10

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4 If a vegetarian is someone who eats vegetables, what does that make a humanitarian? Penny s Tip of the Week 15 Point Inspection Oil Change & Filter We Service All Domestic & Import Vehicles A friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg even though you're slightly cracked. WHERE AIRDRIE SHOPS! Blinds~Shutters~ Drapery~Toppers Color Consulting BEST Prices BEST Service My husband and I have three big Christmas functions this year. How can I get through them without gaining at least 5 pounds? Submitted by: Linda You know ahead of time when the party is, so plan for it. Vow to eat good every other day of that week and that day up until the party, then reward yourself for being good and enjoy the party. For happy hour, try wine instead of drinks with high calorie mixes, like eggnog, pop, or juices. Choose more off the fruit and veggie trays, and avoid the deep fried breaded appetizers. Don't pile the food on your plate at the buffet. Take smaller portions of the things you like best and go back up if you re still hungry... chances are, you won't be. Take only one or two desserts, not a whole plate, and chocolate covered strawberries are far less calories than a square of Nanaimo Bar. After dinner, dance, dance, dance!!! It's awesome exercise and will help you burn off some of that rich food. your question for Penny to: heresthescoop@shaw.ca For your complete fitness centre, check out Big Bear s. Call Penny at for a consultation. Page 12

5 Life Is a Gift Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak. Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat. Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to God for a companion. Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven. Before whining about the distance you drive - Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet. And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job. And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and think: you're alive and still around. Page 13

6 Cake Question While working at Baskin-Robbins, I helped a woman, who was full of questions about the flavors and types available, pick out an ice-cream cake. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts", and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? As I was boxing it up for her, she had one last question: "How long do I bake this?" Customer Service I had just pulled into a parking spot at the home improvement store when smoke and flames began pouring from under my hood. Frantic, I bolted into the store and ran up to the first clerk I saw. As luck would have it, he was standing behind the Customer Service counter. "Please help," I gasped. "My car's on fire! I need a fire extinguisher!" Without even looking up, he replied, "Aisle 12." Page 14 The Best Christmas Gift? The presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other. For reservations, Call East Lake Blvd., Airdrie, AB Fax: super8@nucleus.com ~

7 "Your Professional Link to the Financial Markets." Phone: Bay 407, 2903 Kingsview Blvd. SE Santa's Lap As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual question, "And what would you like for Christmas?" The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my ?" Cured A woman went to her doctor's office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?" The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard. "Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?" Page 15

8 Used Car Salesman: Everybody Wants One of These! Translation: This is one of the most frequently stolen cars. By the Book As chaplain in a university residence hall, I am supposed to uphold all of the school rules, which include a ban on pets. That changed when a kitten adopted me. The freshmen in my dorm kept my secret. They covered for me by calling my kitten "the Book," since I had so many in my room. Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once. - Lillian Dickson One morning I was leaving the dorm with the kitten in a carrier. A student stopped me and asked, "Where are you taking the Book?" I explained that I was taking the kitten to the vet. "She's getting spayed today," I told him. "Hmmm," the student responded, "no sequels." Buy Me a Mink? Kurt was going out with a nice girl and finally popped the question. "Will you marry me, darling?" he asked. Lisa smiled coyly and said, "Yes, if you'll buy me a mink." Kurt thought for a moment and then replied, "Okay, it's a deal, on one condition." "What is that?" Lisa asked. "You'll have to clean the cage," Kurt replied. SIDING, SOFFIT AND FASCIA Yes! We do window installations. Exceptional service at affordable prices. Page 16