The Season of Darkness Presented by Rev. Stefanie Etzbach-Dale to the UU Fellowship of Laguna Beach December 2, 2007

Transcription

1 The Season of Darkness Presented by Rev. Stefanie Etzbach-Dale to the UU Fellowship of Laguna Beach December 2, 2007 Printed and posted with permission to UUFLB only * * * Sermon: The Season of Darkness I do believe that it is true, that no one can keep you from falling down, or staying down. No one can keep you from lifting your heart toward heaven, except for YOU!!! 1 We human beings are incredibly powerful! We are resilient, especially this time of year! When it gets cold, we know enough to put on an extra layer of clothes. When it gets dark outside, we know enough to turn on an energy efficient light! (And hopefully we have the means to acquire and make use of both!) That s what we do, and have done, for as long as anyone can tell. And it seems reasonable to think that many of the accumulated rituals and stories of this season are a reflection of the human drive to go against the grain of cold and scarcity. To bring high summer into our rooms, as if in spite of the somberness of winter. 2 How else to explain the many joyful festivals of light and hope and generosity that adorn this otherwise dreary time of year? The pagan festival of Solstice! The Jewish festival of Chanukah! The Hindu, Sikh and Jain festival of Divali. The Christian festival of Christmas! They all stand in testament to human resiliency and creativity. The determination to refuse to allow external circumstances to define us. The determination to NOT allow the darkness of the season to spread to our spirits, causing us to fall! I am very aware that it may sound strange to talk about this dreary/somber time of year, to talk about cold and scarcity, knowing that we are surrounded by affluence and beauty and amazing technology and that there s a high probably the sun will be shining when we go outside for fellowship after the service - this Sunday and next Sunday, and most of the ones after that! In this part of the world, in Laguna Beach, in this day and age, for most folks winter does not look that different from summer. And life looks pretty darn good! But back in the day, that s not how folks experienced life. Especially in less temperate zones. Winter was hard. It was the kind of cold no amount of extra layers could ease. It was the kind of dark no amount of hand-dipped candles could adequately brighten. And the life-giving warmth of the sun seemed about as far away as it could be. And it was, in fact!!! So the development of winter stories and rituals, of communal celebration, emphasizing the cultivation of shared good will, of love and peace and generosity and, most importantly, faith in Life s ultimate goodness, were crucial! 1 Poem by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, heard during Meditation 2 SLT #663, heard as responsive reading Page 1 of 6

2 So here we are, a week after Thanksgiving and two days into December and we are inundated by the signs and symbols of those winter stories and rituals. Those testaments to human empowerment, resiliency and creativity. We can t open the newspaper, or go for a walk, or grab a late at Starbucks or Peet s without feeling assaulted by their urgent call: to spend money we shouldn t on things that are not needed to eat and drink and make merry, as if our lives depended upon it! But do they? Do our lives depend upon it? In this day and age? Maybe for some, yes. For some people this truly is a life-affirming, spirit-enriching time of year. For some, the focus it takes to engage with the expectations of the season, or to find spaciousness WITHIN them, really is a nourishing spiritual practice!!! But for others, all the holiday hoopla and glitz is enough to make even the most beautiful, sunny, Laguna Beach winter day appear (in the words of Rumi) like, an unexpected, unwelcome guest 3 who makes us feel anything, but grateful. Who makes us feel like our lives have been violently swept out, emptied of all meaning. And for people who may have little personal connection to the stories and rituals of the season, as is often the case for UU s, this can be a tough time. Now, I m one of those people who loves the holidays! The day after Thanksgiving I put out the candlesticks, and draped the mantle piece with artificial garland, and hung a red ribbon on the door. I did that not to catch up with the neighbors (who did all of that the day after Halloween), but because I love doing that. It feels like spiritual practice to me and makes me feel good. And I love it because, in part, my family experience of Christmas when I was growing up was, by necessity and by choice simple in terms of decorations and everything else. It was mostly about being together as a family, and not about excessive expectations. It was ALSO about learning to trust the seasonal darkness. To treat it as a welcome guest, that we knew would be leaving in due time and, therefore, was not threatening! Even so, as I got older and found myself getting sucked into Madison Avenue s frenzied expectations for the season, I lost that trust. And each winter I joined the ranks of those who did Christmas, but didn t feel it. Each winter, I fell into a depression that no amount of contemplation of the temporary, benign nature of winter s darkness, or of the many blessings of my life, could adequately counter! Each winter, starting in mid November, I d go through the motions, but I d be a stranger to myself and others. Unable to lift my heart toward heaven or ask for help from anyone, because that s how far and hard I d fall. There s a lot to be said for refusing to fall down and refusing to stay down! But the thing about depression, the thing that makes it so very difficult, is that you may not even 3 Refers to opening words by Rumi This being human is a guest house Page 2 of 6

3 recognize it, until it s too late. It may be standing at your door or already be firmly seated at your side, before you do. And that s what I want to talk with you about today. We all get depressed at times. We all have moments during which it s hard to access joy or hope or peace, or trust life s goodness. You can anticipate feeling depressed, after you struggle to pull on jeans that fit a month ago! Or after you get yet another ticket for miscalculating the time left on the parking meter! But that s not what I m talking about. Those situations and their effects, however aggravating, are generally temporary, and - this is important - they re not disabling. What I m talking about IS disabling, and lasts longer: seasonal depression. And since I m not a psychotherapist, it s important that you know I m not talking about clinical depression, which is a dangerous medical condition. 4 What I m talking about is seasonal depression. And I m talking about this not only because I suffered from it greatly for many years, but also because this time last year, I almost lost a very dear friend to it. And, because I know - this is not as uncommon an experience as we d like to think. Depression, no matter what the contributing factors, is a painful, frightening experience: for those who suffer from it, as well as for those who bear witness to it. And because it s something we don t normally talk about in a serious way, most of us are ill-prepared to recognize or deal with that unwelcome guest when it comes. If you re the one who s depressed, generally, it s beyond your capabilities to put words to that experience. To reach out for help, the way King Solomon did in our story earlier. Not only was he able to ask for help, but he was able to trust that his people would do what he asked. He was able to hold on to hope that he d get what he d asked for! And then, he was able to hear, to take in, the message: This too will pass! Those words actually made him feel better! For people who are truly depressed, hope and trust are little more than abstract concepts. And the words: this too shall pass are likely to ring shallow and lifeless. Knowing that, if you re witness to someone else s depression, it s hard to know how to help. It s hard to know what to say, what to do! So the fear, the isolation, the guilt and shame grow, for everyone. So here s what I ve learned about depression: - Depression is incredibly painful, isolating, guilt and shame inducing. It is a bleakness of the spirit made even more somber when it is not acknowledged or witnessed in a 4 6.5% of women and 3.3% of men suffer from clinical depression, which can be caused by: biological vulnerability, major life events, or no reason at all. Symptoms affect daily functioning and are disabling Page 3 of 6

4 spirit of love. - In it s earliest stages, it may be possible to recognize and minimize through self care. By giving attention to possible causes. By seeking to create meaningful experiences that will foster a return of joy and hope and certainty of life s inherent goodness. - It may be possible to talk with others, to gain insights and be encouraged by words like: this too shall pass. - It may still be possible to attach oneself to a thread of hope, just long enough to make it through the season. - But in it s fuller stages, depression may be impossible to recognize and minimize on one s own. So what to do? - It may be impossible to talk about even with trusted friends. - It may be impossible to know what constitutes self-care, to know how to ask for help or do much of anything else. - It may be impossible to find in anyone s words cause for hope. Well, if someone you care about is suffering from depression, it s important for them to get a medical assessment. But beyond that, first and foremost and always, it s important to have their experienced affirmed. Try to make space for their pain, even if it pushes all your buttons of helplessness. It generally does not help to say: oh don t worry about it, you ll get over it, or, to lay blame for not having refused to fall. If you can, try not to project your own assumptions, or experiences, explanations or solutions on the other person. Better, is to create a space for them to just be and, hopefully, to find ways to express to you what they re feeling, and what they think they need in that moment. Then, try to help them remember, find or create what they need. And if you sense that professional medical help is one of the things they may really need, that s a recommendation and referral you have to make. That can be a tough call, but there it is. That s a responsibility that has to be borne. Beyond that, the best thing I think you can do, the thing that helped me the most, is to be a non-judgmental, compassionate presence. Someone who lifts up trust - in the inherent worth and dignity of the one who has lost faith in that fact. Someone who lifts up as an indelible reality, the preciousness of their unique identity - when they don t even recognize themselves! Page 4 of 6

5 But there s more. And it s what you can do BEFORE depression comes knocking on the door: 1. Take time to think about what works for you, when words become abstractions! What physical/sensory experiences help you, on a visceral level, connect with hope and joy, or even just plain old comfort and safety? What lifts and fills your hearts? - Music? Silence? - The scent of the ocean? - Rice pudding? - A hand to hold? - Prayer? - A hot bath? - Exercise? - Poetry? - Walks in the garden? Tell someone you trust. Do it NOW, while you re able, so they can keep that in mind and help you find it when you need it! And if someone shares this kind of information with you, treasure it as an empowering resource you may be able to offer back to them when they need it. And that leads me to the second thing: 2. Build relationships of trust with one another! Build relationships of trust, so that when you fall someone is likely to notice and to help you up. Someone will be able to lift up a reality larger than the one you re experiencing in that moment and hopefully, will help fill your heart so you re not just going through the motions! And third: 3. As you move into this season of ambiguities and juxtapositions, of expectations and exhultations, be gentle with yourselves and each other! Welcome one another and be grateful for the gift of relationship that can make all the difference! Before we go tumbling into the weeks ahead, during which there will be plenty of opportunities to engage meaningfully with the stories and rituals of the season, I ask you to think about your own experience with the winter holidays. Listen to the voice still and small within you - Are the holidays hard for you or those around you? What makes it hard? - How can it be simplified? Talk about it! Reach out to one another, to Kent or to me! - What can you do to ease for yourself or someone else: winter s pain, loneliness, fear? - What can you do to inspire hope and trust, joy and faith in life s ultimate goodness? - What is reasonable to expect? To give? To take? Page 5 of 6

6 There IS a blessed madness in the human need to go against the grain of cold and scarcity, and the stories and rituals of the winter holidays can be so enriching, when we take the time and make the effort to reflect upon their impact upon our lives and - to do some strategizing. It s a bit of a dance, doing this, as seasons come and seasons go, but truly, with open hearts we learn and grow. So may it be! Amen * * * Opening Words: Opening Hymn: Responsive Reading: Doxology: This Being Human Is a Guesthouse, by Rumi #188, Come Come Whoever You Are #663, by Margaret Starkey We join here in community, to celebrate our unity As seasons come and seasons go, with open hearts we learn and grow (By Rev. Stefanie) When King Solomon Learned That This Too Shall Pass Refuse to Fall Down, by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes #311, Let It Be A Dance by Rev. Stefanie Tis the season to be jolly, though to expect this quite the folly! The holidays now fast draw near, with admonitions to be of cheer. And should this be your state of mind, then share it with all human kind! But know that it is just as right, to take it slow through this long night, To seek what nurtures and can mend, the saddened spirit of a friend. So look around before you leave. The blessing of this group receive. Then go in peace, and come again. Together let us say: AMEN. Intergenerational Time: Meditation Words: Closing Hymn: Closing Words: Page 6 of 6