Step 1: Identify Your Common Hot Buttons (-) (+) Takes over as you are leading a meeting or making a presentation

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1 1 Te Triggering Event Cycle Step 1: Identify Your Common Hot Buttons Directions: Below is a list of some of te diffcult workplace situations people ave sared wit me over te years. As you read eac one, consider ow muc of an emotional reaction you would most likely ave in tat situation. Use te following -10 to +10 scale to rate eac item. (-) (+) Negative Triggered Emotions Positive Triggered Emotions Hig Moderate Mild Mild Moderate Hig A Wen someone (colleague, direct report, supervisor, client, etc.): Doesn't do wat you ask or follow your instructions Doesn t acknowledge or respect your leadersip Takes over as you are leading a meeting or making a presentation Doesn't follow troug on wat tey said tey would do Produces low-quality work Keeps making te same mistakes Is not very competent at teir job Takes advantage of you Takes your idea and presents it as teir own Takes credit for your work Keeps you out of te loop or excludes you from important conversations 1 of 6 Copyrigt Dr. Katy Obear katy@drkatyobear.com Permission to reprint for personal or educational purposes wit proper attribution.

2 Lies to you Engages in side conversations during meetings Is on teir computer or cell pone during meetings wen you are talking to tem Gets distracted wen tey are talking to you Goes beind your back to undermine you Gossips about you Gets angry about wat you said or did Is moving too slowly, slowing down your agenda Tries to derail te planned approac or agenda Is late and keeps you waiting Interrupts you or oters Ignores your ideas Cuts off te conversation before you ave a cance to express your tougts Loves an idea only after someone else suggests someting very similar to wat you ad recently said Dismisses your ideas Reprases or rewords your comments Corrects you in public Is belittling or demeaning Is controlling Dominates te air time Continually brings te conversation back to teir ideas and opinions Will not consider your input and tougts 2 of 6 Copyrigt Dr. Katy Obear katy@drkatyobear.com Permission to reprint for personal or educational purposes wit proper attribution.

3 Keeps pusing teir point Is unwilling to listen to oters Has a very blunt or impersonal style Has an aggressive or forceful style Disrupts te conversation wit jokes, inappropriate laugter Makes snide, sarcastic, or passive aggressive comments Is arrogant or self-rigteous Is patronizing or condescending Makes an insensitive or offensive comment Raises teir voice to try to silence you or oters Demonstrates bullying or treatening beavior Wants oters to calm down, just get over it, and move on Accuses oters of complaining wen tey raise concerns about exclusion or wat is not working well Only focuses on ow muc progress as been made, rater tan on ow muc more needs to cange Suts down and witdraws if you try to confront tem Is set in teir ways and unwilling to sift teir perspective Pressures you or oters to assimilate, fit in, and not rock te boat Mistakenly assumes someone else is te leader wen you are Gives excuses or PLEs (Perfectly Logical Explanations) for disrespectful comments and beaviors Rationalizes away disrespectful and inappropriate treatment of oters as individual incidents or te result of someting te target of te beavior did or failed to do Defends oters wose beavior is disrespectful and offensive 3 of 6 Copyrigt Dr. Katy Obear katy@drkatyobear.com Permission to reprint for personal or educational purposes wit proper attribution.

4 Colludes and goes along to get along Will only focus on teir good intent, and not te impact of teir beavior Is only focused on temselves as a good person and refuses to acknowledge te cumulative impact of teir repeated negative beaviors Refuses to consider feedback from you or oters Debates and disagrees wit everyting you say Believes tey are always rigt Pouts if tey don t get teir way Callenges te validity of te information or statistics being presented Criticizes your style or approac Never gives any positive or appreciative feedback Questions your competency or tat of oters Gives unsolicited coacing or advice on ow you sould act, tink, or feel Only appreciates and acknowledges oter people s work, not yours Is given a prime opportunity to advance but you are not, even toug you ave far more experience and competence Doesn t volunteer for diffcult team assignments and you end up doing all te work Does someting unetical or disonest Is talking loudly in an impromptu meeting outside your offce or cubicle Introduces your peers wit teir titles or degrees, and introduces you by your first name Sends you a blasting, critical and copies your supervisor Is more concerned wit protecting teir turf tan acieving te overall goals 4 of 6 Copyrigt Dr. Katy Obear katy@drkatyobear.com Permission to reprint for personal or educational purposes wit proper attribution.

5 B Wen your supervisor or manager: Insists on you doing someting a certain way, ten canges teir mind after you ave invested significant time and energy in te project Micromanages and second-guesses you Is controlling rater tan inspiring and empowering Expects tat you stop wat you are doing and focus on wat tey want you to do Doesn t ask for your input in decisions tat affect your work Doesn t give you as muc guidance and direction as you ask for, and ten is igly critical of te outcome you produced Expresses teir disappointment in you, your work Gives you very vague, critical feedback Is more ego-driven tan mission-driven Wastes your time in mismanaged meetings Doesn t pass along critical information from senior leaders Avoids olding all employees accountable for ig-quality work Has favorites and go to members of te team Avoids making te ard decisions and makes you play te bad cop Does not old people accountable for low quality work, poor performance Accuses you of someting you did not do Gets defensive and argumentative Confronts you about your beavior but not oters wo do te same ting Expects you to work late and come in early for no additional compensation 5 of 6 Copyrigt Dr. Katy Obear katy@drkatyobear.com Permission to reprint for personal or educational purposes wit proper attribution.

6 Is angry wit you Is only concerned wit moving up te ladder and looking good to te leader Gives you a callenging stretc assignment (someting positive can still be triggering) C Wen you Make a mistake or an error Do or say someting inappropriate or offensive Do not know te answer to a question Don t know wat to say or do next Don t ave a solution to a problem Can t figure out ow to effectively respond in a diffcult situation Believe te conversation is about to get out of control Are te only person to bring up controversial issues Have a strong opinion and no one else agrees wit you Get promoted to an exciting new position (someting positive can still be triggering) 6 of 6 Copyrigt Dr. Katy Obear katy@drkatyobear.com Permission to reprint for personal or educational purposes wit proper attribution.