Logoplexy. The Iowa Review. Stephen Wing. Volume 23 Issue 1 Winter. Article 10

Transcription

1 The Iow Review Volume 23 Issue 1 Winter Article Logoplexy Stephen Wing Follow this nd dditionl works t: Prt the Cretive Writing Commons Recommended Cittion Wing, Stephen. "Logoplexy." The Iow Review 23.1 (1993): Web. Avilble t: This Contents is brought you for free nd open ccess by Iow Reserch Online. It hs been ccepted for inclusion in The Iow Review by n uthorized dministrr Iow Reserch Online. For more informtion, plese contct lib-ir@uiow.edu.

2 Logoplexy Stephen Wing WHEN I WAS TEN, eleven, twelve yers old, I plyed gmes with the dictionry. I remember one dy wondering whether consider wht the book hd sy bout certin rcn strology, wether, herldry?or if I should white out definition with blnk gze nd imgine the ntions nd flickering flgs Trine, Isobr, Gemel? I hve n erlier memory?one my erliest? telling sry. My udience consisted severl misty children nd my neighbor, Mrs. Wells. It ws midsummer, mid-fternoon, but we were ll in the house, in Mrs. Wells's room. living The ice tinkled in her cocktil. She liked her two or three cocktils, every fternoon. I remember her lughing her smoky lugh. I hve no ide now wht my sry ws bout, but I remember Mrs. Wells smoking nd drinking nd lughing. It seems me tht in my telling I used vriety voices, nd tht I whirled bout in front her huge picture window, tht I wved my rms encompss, nd perhps point out, or clim s counters or props, the mountins, the sun on the cotnwood trees, my brother's poison-green bicycle hissing down the sidewlk. It seems me tht, in short, I ws conjuring, clling forth spects the world with nmes nd gestures, nd tht I rerrnged these spects mke something else, something new. In those dys, I pprently mde little cler distinction between sries nd gmes nd wht might be hppening round corner we just didn't know how get yet. I know tht I sometimes went further thn tht, tht I sometimes tried ply these sries out with other children, in fct direct ply, ybox tyrnt. I couldn't seem help myself: in the nrchy the plyground, when the ws spirit upon me, I would run the other five-yer-olds with hevy hnd. I ws not nor big, thletic, but they rrely resisted wht seems hve been ferocious imgintion. I remember Sturdy morning down on the corner, ner house under construction. We were crrying the ttck the enemy, lying seige big pile dirt tht hppened be killer whle. We were interrupted?i think one my sisters clled me lunch?nd I remember giving strict instructions on how the gme ws be crried on in my bsence, how kill the whle, how bring it bck 44 University Iow is collborting with JSTOR digitize, preserve, nd extend ccess The Iow Review

3 life, how ride the whle triumphntly, cruising the Corner Se. Then I turned dissident who hd erlier tht morning suggested King the Mountin, or some such pstime. "And s for you: I'm just wrning you now. right You just listen. You just better ply this gme right." To the others I "If he doesn't?throw... him the... proclimed: SHARKS." And I wlked wy without look bck. I ws confident tht the words I hd left behind would be followed, simply becuse they were words. To me, word didn't stnd n for object, the object nd the word were prt ech other. Conjuring: if you could sy green with the proper spin, you might find yourself trpped in the hert n emerld. This is course common myth, relic the ssocitive process lerning lnguge in the first plce. (Pythgors climed tht people nmed nmes in resonnce with the hrmonic ring inherent ll things?linguists refer this s the Ding Dong theory lnguge origin.) I seem hve been sure tht every object hd word it?nd tht nything with nme hd be n object?s it might color or flvor or other essentil spect: something is hot, is sticky, is silver, nd hs nme. Words nd the things the world were therefore intimtely connected. This ws obvious me s child. Didn't the word onion sometimes hve bite it? Couldn't secret rest in the er, velvety cricket soothe wy n che? And wsn't promise piece sunrise held in the plm? (Once, in college, I meditted on Americ until the word becme strited wve, musculr hrp, rising, triling f, nd then the cruel blue sprk til.) Not o long fter the episode the killer whle, something hppened me. For long time, I wsn't sure if it ws one prticulr event, or chin events, or severl unrelted blows, or if it ws some internl chnge unrelted the outside world. But, somehow, I becme shyer, clmer, more inwrd, more self-conscious. After thinking bck on this s well s I could, nd fter tlking those who knew me then, I hve come conclude tht this ws chnge directly relted my lerning red. I think tht when I ws smll, reding ws mystery tht I very much needed crck. If sy nme ws or conjure reflect something presence, reding implied tht words must every once in while slip their tethers nd duck out ssume secret identities. It ws s though the qulity wrm could be extrcted from the sun, then bottled, wind swiftness skimmed from run nd wound bout spindle, veil silver lifted 45

4 gleming from the flnk fish nd pressed between pges. And lter relesed, when someone who knew the code opened the book. Exctly how I lerned red is cler enough, for my older brother nd ll my sisters lerned in the sme wy. Tht is, my first written word ws Westinghouse, nd I knew the word well before I could ctully red it: Westinghouse blzoned the building where my fther worked, his bowling shirt (oh, my dd bled Westinghouse blue), the refrigerr, the television ws on (sometimes, impressively, Westinghouse television), the light bulbs, nd medley buzzing, blinking smll pplinces ll over the house. And we ll tlked bout it. As spoken word, ws Westinghouse somehow iry, nd tll. There ws something the sky bout it. To sy Generl Electric (my fther's chief on competir), the other hnd, ws sy something sly nd jgged nd shocking. I didn't lwys recognize the written Generl Electric right wy, but I knew the fmous GE trdemrk very erly on, s n evil rune, crest devious curves. Even now, I sometimes see in cursive sinister twist. At some point, my prents nd older brother nd older sister begn show me tht other words could be found inside Westinghouse: this is the we tht mens everyone here, nd then we hve the sting from the bee outside, nd this is the house ll round us now. While I ws lerning these, they would every once in while csully ss me nother: west, tin, ho, use. And lter, in rush rerrngement, tricky s n old shell gme, stew nd ghost nd shine. And then, dzzling, they crcked the word open completely, out popped the letters, dded more from source not immeditely pprent, nd hnded over the lphbet. (Lter I relized tht I wsn't tlly stisfied?could they hve been holding out on me? Weren't there more letters somewhere? I hd feeling I might need them.) They prtnered ech letter up prticulr sound ( or puff hum, tick or bubble), helped me puzzle these loose letters bck in words, nd I ws f nd reding. Lerning red provided world without end sries, nd, t first, new force in my domintion ply. But s I spent more nd more time holed up with The 500 Hts Brtholomew Cubbins, or The Sry the Am from Democritus Almgordo, I didn't get round s much the vcnt lots, the riny dy bsements. I plyed fewer nd fewer gmes. When I did join in, I ws rusty, hd clerly lost my edge. And my friends were lerning o, on moving the formlity schoolyrd gmes, gmes bound by trdition nd physics, gmes tht seemed be plyed with the sries sucked out 46

5 them, s fr s I could tell. There seemed little room for my kind mneuver. open-ended My friends ten couldn't see the point my new suggestions, my complex nd foggy notions bsed on discoveries from the books; course, mny the connections were in my own hed. Even when I brought the books with me nd I red pssges loud nd showed pictures, I couldn't seem relte others wht hd so seized me. And sometimes, even when I could, these things simply ok o long explin, with the sun dncing in the grss. A shrug rippled round the circle. My rivls gined scendnce. But, don't get me wrong. I don't wnt overstte the cse (besides, every time I try, it comes s whine). I ws considered slightly peculir, but I relly did hve pretty fir time it s kid. I hd cronies. I lerned tlk dirty. I trded comic books. I explored the odd wn Butte, Montn, where I ws growing up. I plyed nked gmes in the grge. I blew up nt hills with firecrckers. I plyed Brothers nd Hide-nd-Seek nd Poker. I even cme ply footbll in the prk, with the ft kids nd the fril kids. I sledded nd cmped out nd wtched television. And... mrked for life by reding, I red, rvenously. Even dy, I still ten red myself sleep. Once sleep, I still hve the occsionl drem wherein the nrrtive switches from imges printed words nd bck gin. When I ws student t the University Montn, with mteril redy t hnd in the nest pper nd blnkets nd words I hd bedded down in, I could nd did red s soon s my eyes opened in the morning. I'd red my wy through brekfst?the cerel box if nothing else?nd then I'd red my wy down the street my first clss. If I hppen pick up nd open book find myself fcing pge upside down print, I still ten feel the lightest flitting vertigo before I cn snp the book right wy round. Another oddity: I'm one those people whose vestigil er muscles still function. I cn wriggle my ers t will, but more the move on point, they their own, lightly pricking up nd fnning out, though not so much t or predry growls, the crck dry twig, s t words, tricks nd turns lnguge, felicius phrses, serendipius sentences, sometimes spoken but on especilly the pge. I ok it for s grnted child tht mny the things I red bout in sries would become prts my own life some dy. Or, t lest, I would 47

6 undergo experiences the sme generl sort, nd course I would be redy for them, since I hd red bout them beforehnd. I would know wht do, wht sy, would hve n envible ese mnner, svvy. Moreover I seemed think tht I could be whirlybird pilot one dy, cronist the next. Thursdy fternoons I might reserve for the Holy Gril. I grdully begn relize tht, No, things probbly wouldn't work out tht wy, tht I would probbly hve restrict myself single prticulr creer, nd one from grievously restricted list choices t tht. At the sme time, though, I ws lerning tht most the sries I red cme from the pens prticulr people. Well, then, course, tht ws wht I would do. I hd fter ll collborted in the cretion good mny sries?for where would they be if I hdn't red them? To switch over the writing side must hve seemed n esy enough trnsition, slight chnge ngle nd focus nd degree. I ws so sure this gol tht for long time I couldn't be bothered with mking ny ctul moves wrds it. Actully, I didn't know tht there were moves mke, other thn reding?but I hd no doubt tht I would become writer, when the time cme. Of course, I hd hd no doubt tht I would become n invenr, fter reding biogrphy Thoms Alv Edison. One dy I confidently st down tke derelict rdio prt. Clssiclly, in the trdition bright youth tles, I ws then supposed zero in on why the rdio didn't work, correct the problem, nd then rebuild the rdio better thn new, picking up sttions it never could before (nd perhps with few prts left over for future projects). But fter I pried the brown corkbord bck f tht crem-nd-red rdio, I looked inside? nd invented gme, involving miniture wers nd tubes nd brss temples. close-pcked city with odd slick In grde school, vocbulry ws supposed be power mine, specilty. Tht's why I over pored dictionries, they surmised. But I hd found my surprise tht the ws dictionry book riddled with nrrtive, rife with drmtic frgment. Suggestive dollops sry tumbled right out t me, btted bout my ers s I browsed the pges. I ten lost my wy looking things up, hijcked by those bold guide words t the ps pges. I red defenestrtion, nd imgined rin counter-conspirrs from high mullioned windows down on slick cobbles. Or, I could be distrcted by the wy one word, one definition, might led nother, nd tht 48

7 nother, nd yet nother, on the tril mening. And, oh, it ws some kind nrrtive triumph the first time I trversed from definition definition until I hd mde my wy round perfect circle, bck the originl word without discovering wht it ment. Sometimes I kept business, steeling myself, nd might merely note in pssing the three clsses dimonds, might merely whip up, in pssing, the ghost tle trid: lovely Gem, slid Bort, the drk nd dring Crbondo. Even dy, when fiction pleds nd journlism plls, I'll cruise Webster's. I remember mking lists. Of musicl instruments: krummhorn, bombrdon. Of musicl terms: tremolndo, glorioso, pizzicti. I plnned somedy tke the opportunity pick fresh bouquet rmentil, checkerbloom, nd clownhel. Bemused, I contemplted the things tht people hd determined nme, nd the nmes tht they hd then discovered. A plstron is the undershell turtle. A chlz is either the two membrneous strings tht hold the yolk the ends the egg. Once, I tried for length nd cme up with pneumonoultrmicroscopicsilico volcnoconiosis, word trump the Mry Poppins chirpings my younger sisters. And the mening uched home, lso, for the word ws miner's disese (silicosis, ctully) nd I lived in mining wn. Perhps, I mused, the word ided dignosis. If miner couldn't mke it the lst syllble on one breth, the docr knew wht iled him. It ws strtling find, in word I hd never encountered before, in book I ws reding for distrction, true connection. During dolescence, especilly, I begn hve this experience. Often, I seemed encounter word just when I needed it, nd I brethed more esily know tht someone hd been through the woods hed me. Other people hd floters in their eyes?my field vision ws not being nibbled wy by vorcious moebe. Lter, I ws grtified find floters significnt enough phenomenon hve been dignified nd enriched musce volitnte. To know non sequitur ws relize tht n occsionl disconnection ws be expected, nd undersod s prt the.. pttern. Scpegot. oblique vu rbitrry d?j? solipsism These conditions hd not only pplied other people, but hd disturbed with such force tht new words shot out in the lnguge in response. To nme n ffliction is hve some semblnce control. Agnostic roil teenge theology. (Sexul providing wy deling creted n islnd sense nd spce mid the terms were n exception. Insted with my overheted condition, they only 49

8 irritted. But, so did grss nd sky, then, so did prticulr deep, fst, nd drkly plush old Pontic.) When I ws fourteen, my middle younger sister nd her friends put gether dictionry their own invented words. They wlked round sying, "We're lexicogrphers, you know." were They proud. Of course I ws chrmed, nd inspired crete my own word on the spot. I knew I hd keep it myself. How could I hve nything do with ten-yer-old girls? My ws reputtion odd enough lredy. But cme dy just lonely enough tip the blnce my cution. I mentioned my sister tht I hd word?when she set her jw, I t once tried sve fce?i think I fered sell the word her. But she ws not fooled nd rected fiercely?it their dictionry. Stung, I retreted. But I still hd my word: venitile. I ld no one. I would whisper venitile, svoring. I knew where it would live in the book, between venison nd Venn digrm. At first venitile seemed so pure s hve no mening t ll, though I mulled s possibilities if selecting deliccies or souvenirs: perhps this gliding creture, hlf-minerl, hlf-insect. Perhps this sleek light srcsm, just the sort I then spired (" most venitile individul," I could her them sy). I cn't recll wht I eventully decided upon, perhps becuse I lost interest in the word soon fter defining it. I seem hve been swinging between two poles lnguge, then. The pole concerned with the discovery the right word, the precise definition, the clen-edged, firm nd shpely piece the puzzle, the word tht snps in plce with the lrger culture?we might cll this the pole connection. The other pole seemed tell the urge swim in s lnguge solitry fish does in wter, free the net. Or, sometimes, the urge wing it, tke imgintive flight. Or perhps?but the metphors buzz multitudinous bout this pole, which we might cll the pole flight. (Or?) The intimtely connected word nd the word whipping free the tether. Sometimes I clung the pole connection; tht seemed be wht it ws for, fter ll. The pole flight? There were dys lost reding when I hrdly seemed uch down t ll. Sometimes, I swung the pole flight, nd up the pole, nd from there shot f in the tropopuse, the region where the words hve no mening: venitile. I hd discovered tht in words without mening there is sometimes gret one plesure, by definition hrd define. Consider glossolli, the gift ngues. The scripturl justific ws 50

9 tion my be grbled, but imgine the plesure sct-singing pryer. You could hrdly purify prise greter degree. Or imgine sct-singing itself. Or consider the grnd mystery opertic lnguge before you lern wht the bthetic words men. Imgine "Jbberwocky." Alice sid, "Somehow it seems fill my hed with ides?only I don't know exctly wht they re." How fr cn one go in this direction? The linguist Mrio Pei somewhere remrks on the "peculir chrm" words coined by the insne: sirrope, sterideo, tschrio, frizicerici. The University hd plenty words. Tke Botny: I my be on hzy phosynthesis, but I do recll the clsses fruits, the beutiful nmes: pome, hesperidium, silique. And utricle, smr, pepo. In Ethics, I exmined the ctegoricl impertive (the imge lordly horned feline sprng mind). From Anmy nd Physiology, I recll odd prts the body: filtrum, cochle, frenum. In Religious Studies, I nodded the old gods: Gnesh, Dgon, Finn McCool. Little remins my foreign lnguges, but I remember over prcticing nd over? frisson: fluff the lips swllowed bck nd rolled up nsl thrill like the frisk tickly French moustche. I studied Etymology, though it seemed me then more like the enmology I ten confused it with: the ctegoriztion nd dissection words considered s insects. I ws willing consider words s insects, but not ll the time. Linguistics ws impressive, nd yet only provided nother occsion tht informed ginst me, distrcted s I ten ws. For exmple: phoneticlly, the sound Y represents is described s Lbiovelr Glide. To me, Lbiovelr Glide sounded more like recently imported Sumtrn method love. Velr Frictive seemed the sobriquet some or Heep Vder villin, some Generl Electric, though it ctully referred the ch Bch. This is sound long gone from English, though evidence tht we hd it once is there in writing: thought, might, bough. (And course we should keep it there, in our written lnguge. For, reform spelling nd drop wy the drk silent Velr Frictive nd nite will never be s blck s night, though this does not explin why lite is not so s nor s light light, brillint.) But wht ws I doing, with my Skydiving nd Ornithology nd Symbolic Logic? Dbbling or drowning? Not mention my weekends nd fr o mny nights: Wild Ots' Wildfire. I clled myself Renissnce mn with n underctive thyroid. I followed on through nothing. In those dys, 51

10 I ws continully flling in love, f the wgon, in words. Too indvert ent be deliberte dropout, I fell out school, nd bck in gin. One wrm September fternoon, s pprently prt some chowder heded serch for enlightenment, I smpled ple green pill, reportedly psilocybin, reputedly orculr. After while, I hd go for wlk, try work n through oncoming fuddle remorse nd dislocted light. Wlking down the dy, I begn see in the dust the pvement trces wht seemed be Gothic print, fint nd s fding dvertising from the nineteenth century. Lter, I ly down in prk wtch the slow boil clouds, where words smoked nd dissolved before they could be deci phered. And in the leves trees, words formed fine nd shivery piry. In the night, circling nd circling wrds home, I sw letters crved rre ice scttered through drk grss, nd I ws so gld when they hd resolved themselves dew by morning. In my bed, in the midst endless ssing never-gins, I considered the result my vision-quest: lphbet soup. The urge rose shke fist t the Tutelry Demon the Trips: "Well, I could hve ld you tht." The time hd come?nd somehow I hdn't turned in writer yet. It ws true tht I ws writing, in sense. I remember tht I hd strted furtively (for I hd my doubts), by trying out words, phrses, bits verse in the mrgins text books, hrdly distinguishble from my doodles. How begin? I recll beginning blue spirl notebook with long ril bout my inbility write, bout how words were prsiticl crystls tht sucked the juice out the world nd substituted spurious pttern. I complined tht I ws strting with Sisyphen writer's block, before I ws even writer (hoping I suppose score in this wy through the bck door). I on pressed with novel combintion, free ssocition, mnifes, dither, confession, cnt, filling one fter nother in growing mound notebooks nd legl pds. Rve. Lingo. Ptter. Jeremid. Metphor buzzed nd flowered, in those notebooks. And it ws plesnt indeed while wy time in the Country the Words, gthering richer wool, tending tht fruitful fuzziness, those tenuous dngling tendrils, the loose ends tht form the interconnections cretivity. But I hd dmit tht not o mny messges were mking it bck the cost. 52

11 For I hd my doubts. I could meditte on single word s I might on rre minerl... but put words gether in someone something might possibly consider worth reding seemed fine crzed jugglery. I ok mesures correct this. I ok Ply writing. I ok New Journlism, nd Old Journlism. I ok Cretive Writing Fiction. And Poetry, studying under renowned techer, the lte Richrd Hugo. ws Hugo big, blding mn, with this mssive corrugted forehed. The first time I red one my poems in clss, Hugo studied copy t his desk, hed cocked my voice. As I recll, this poem ws sort cross between Mrvell nd Ferlinghetti, rnt ginst virginity ( ctegory I ws then freshly nd just brely delivered from). By the time I delivered my cthrtic, bng-up finish (We fling high our exploding bouquet/of silver bullets nd cherries), Hugo's hed hd tilted the other wy, s if get better ngle. A few bets silence. His hed looked like clenched bullet. Finlly, he visibly relxed, even brightened. He looked up, though not t me, nd sid the bck his hnd nd the rest the clss, "You distrct him while I snek from the room." In the fll 1977, I ok some time f lern how write, once nd for ll. Of course, I didn't relize tht this ws wht I ws doing t first, but I eventully tlked myself in believing tht it must be so. I ws twenty-five yers old. I hd been working t stek house, stronghold nicknme nd nudge, smirk nd smrt money, over presided by fellow who hd never quite recovered from the glee life s Delt Delt t the University North Dkot. I hd left in fit tht smcked more low frce thn high dudgeon, but somehow I ws ble convince myself tht I hd been presented with n opportunity, singulr meshing time nd desire. This more-or-less unintentionl sbbticl needn't be lost down the rbbit hole. I hd thing do. I hd sved enough money get by on for while, if I ws creful. My needs were frugl nd few: my only rel ws indulgence Sturdy night t the tverns, though t twenty-five in Montn this seemed less luxury thn nswer n undenible cll. In ny event I could lwys retune my budget by turning my needs low for while: once I sustined myself for week solely on crte pples. Writers lso needed stimulnts, I knew. During my yer, I put wy innumerble cups mine, n erstz moch Swiss else 53

12 Miss nd Tster's Choice. Forging new dte on my student ID, I ok exercise when I needed it, sometimes violently?hitting the weights, running the rilrod trcks, the field house steps, sometimes twice dy. Once fter prticulrly strenuous workout, I noticed blood in my urine. And I hd my lir, my digs?my low-rent, second floor wlk-up, Murphy-bedded, without telephone, but with clwfoot tub, where I more thn once red the bthwter down room temperture. Gtherings little blck bugs spordiclly ok plce in the bred box, but I think tht my hve been my fult. And I hd view, the lley fvored by the kids from Hellgte High for beting ech other up during lunch hour. So now I ld myself tht I ws in ernest, redy t lst. I ws living lone for the first time in my life. I hd the time. I hd only find the words. I remember sitting down one dy quite determined write sry. Rther thn chrcters or or settings incidents, the first things I thought s I nibbled on my pen were the words nd phrses I would use. Zingiberrceous, for exmple. This ws word I liked, so I hd supply chrcter with sprk ginger. It seems I hd theory tht if sries re words, nd re words bout the world, why not eliminte the middlemn (the world) nd del directly with words themselves? And then perhps prticulr specil words could generte sries. Could word do tht? Could n irritting grin word grow perl sry? Ring Lrdner once climed write by plcing rndom word on successive blnk pges, nd then going bck connect the words, filling in the gps with nrrtive. Sometimes I mde up the words myself. I described friend's rumpled ttitude nd creless glide through life s somnonchlnce. For outpourings, for swirling gorgeous prusion, I coined comukliedocopi. Lithopvnic, now, mens dnce sne, nd I'm frid the reson tht such word ws necessry hs fded clen from the tblets my memory. Color smith. Volupturium. Mrvelms. Or, I tried out killer first lines. Here's one I liked quite bit: Once Then upon time, it's hrd get f. there ws: The people the vlley liked rise hell, in rich glittery fields. Here's one my ll-time fvorites: Hieronymous hd won the hert ldy, nd ws rther embrrssed by it, tht gret cndy-lcquered hert, dngling bout his neck on brss chin. 54

13 Where go with such things? One dy it occurred me tht perhps supplying mtching killer lst line might turn the trick. Then, with so fierce field feree hving been set up by the first nd lst lines, the sry would surely by necessity spring in being. Here's the line I cme up with for the sry tht begn, "Once upon time...": Their ws joy chse even fter, if they never cught nything, nd thus they lived out their dys, ever hppily, fter. I tried shped writing, imginry letters. I yed with the ide flvored ink on edible pper. {They sy tht he peked with his Mrionberry Period, which is precisely why nothing from tht time hs survived.) Discipline. I remember n doing exercise with the word red. Utterly common, very old, Indo-Europen, definitely not one my neologisms. I ld myself tht I'd strt with red nd work my wy through the spectrum. I wrote down red, nd pondered. After while, I cme up with flood reds from rspberry flmingo blood. I plyed with these reds, nd somehow, out this murder colesced, scene "colored red, redolent red." Note the importnt three reds in row. Then I hd choreogrph the murder nd describe it. How did murder work? I distinctly remember wltzing round the kitchen with broomstick for prtner, figuring mneuvers, ngles, blocking, nd so on, scribbling notes s I went long. After I strightened tht out, I decided tht foreshdowing the murder would be good ide. I devised n erlier scene, centering round this " sentence: "She wlked in the room, red rum murder in her eyes. Oh, red rum murder. The sme bckwrds s forwrds. This, o, ws importnt. Then I felt tht be responsible writer, hed f criticl ccustions grtuiusness, I hd develop red rum, plot its hisry, discourse on the home islnd (St. Bon), the ecology the unique cne, the tricks hrvest nd mnufcture, the byproducts (tht twny mrl sugr, freckled with fiery pink). But I hd murder scene. I could edit out the red tht ws the seed, nd still hve murder scene. Perhps red the ctlyst could be used gin generte nother scene, nother sort, nd then hving done so, could be plucked out shining nd redy go once more. In this wy, one word, with proper cre nd hndling, could lst lifetime. Exhusted, I never mde it ornge. Still, it ws step, piece extended writing tht mde sense sort. I felt tht I hd gined true ground. One word, nd then nother, nother, word fter word, in stedy 55

14 blnced emission, humming nd cruising. Of course, I still didn't hve sry, poem, piece ny prticulr kind, but I hd mteril. A mess mteril, be sure. During my yer, my mound work piled up, gret, steming, mouldering compost scribbled pper. My hope ws, I suppose, tht seed or two would tke, volunteers tht in some wy would prove literrily fruitful. In this hep mteril so lvish nd hphzrd didn't there just bout hve be sry, poem, piece in there somewhere? All I hd do ws merely hone wy everything else nd find it. I hd n nlogy for this. (Actully, I hd brn full nlogies, but I'll just show you the one.) The summer I ws twenty-three, I decided tht I would t lst lern whistle. I wlked round the wrehouse I ws working in, n emitting untuned brethful hooting tht nonetheless con tined strnd cool whistle. I persevered, driving my collegues nuts, nd by the end the summer I hd whittled wy whtever wsn't whistle. I expected something like this hppen with writing. And I suppose it did, fter ll, but it ok yers. Any kind writing creer, no mtter how oblique or slight, on depends so much: writerly compnions congenil pce nd temperment. Gret slthers nd swtches time. The tming voice. The development work ethic. Indeed, the slow growth n ttention spn. And for me, gin nd gin the hmmering lesson tht I would lern write if I could just keep the words from getting in the wy. At lest, tht ws my theory bout the wy things went, the wy I first reconstructed the sitution. Given close exmintion, things turned out be more mysterious thn tht. During my reserch for this essy, I found yellowing mnuscript. Plunk in the middle sry I hd been trying write wy bck when ws fest: zrfs iced cfee, flgons rosolio nd shndygff, filets blckbelly rosefish, nd other odd items, the glenings one my ncient dictionry lists. This fest ws quite rbitrry, but pprently I hd felt the need unlod these words, exorcise them. As I red I expected find tht these were indeed words in the wy, tht they were sterile, inert, tht they were just stuck in sry like risins in pudding. To my dismy, I now found the fest the liveliest prt the piece, where the lumbering chrcters limber down, unstuff their strw, t their best when for no reson prticulr they drop everything nd settle bck for jermoonl in jequirity suce. 56